Post # 1
Background: I come from a family that has always been financially strained, though I always had what I needed and most wants. I knew I had to work hard for money from a very young age, and have since tried to be the most financially smart and to not make the same mistakes as my parents. I also feel very pressured to provide entirely for myself, pay my debts, and be responsible. Being a recent college graduate, working a job that i’m being underpayed for, and having to pay back loans is really stressful.
So I rarely buy myself anything. Besides food, I do not indulge in new clothes or things very often because I feel guilty (and I would like to lose some weight before I buy new clothes). So being from a cold climate I realized that my dress pea coat was too small and I needed a new one. These coats are not cheap, because the cheap ones are never warm enough! I also struggle with being in between sizes and the way the coats are cut. So i’m in TJ Maxx today and I find a gorgeous Guess coat that fits me really well and is exactly what I’m looking for. The price tag says $99…which is actually pretty good for that type of coat but I imediately start thinking about that money and how I really shouldn’t spend it and I could buy so many other necessities with it. I carry the coat around with me as I look at the whole store….I’ve gotten excellent at looking (I can walk in and out of Target without making a purchase…that good!) I finally decide to buy it so then I can show my sister and I can always take it back. I started to feel panic when I went to pay and by the time I got to my car I was breathing heavily.
So I called my mom and was kind of joking with her about how I bought it because even when she hands me money I still don’t like to buy anything! About halfway through the conversation, I go from laughing to sobbing in a matter of seconds and the feelings hit me like a ton of bricks! My mom was consoling me but I could not stop crying! I felt so guilty, even though I could afford it and need it.
Has any one else experienced this anxiety and guilt about buying normal things (or even just weird stories of your emotions switching gears in seconds!). I know it is partially from my upbringing, but sometimes I think I am just a little on the crazy side! Who the heck sobs over buying a coat!!!???? Apprently ME! Haha I laugh at it now, but I couldn’t believe how fast my feelings changed!!!!
Post # 3
Yes! I have similar feelings about money because I was raised by parents who had nothing growing up and instilled a strong work ethic in me that virtually revolves around money. It is actually really awful to think about because I know it’s not a good view to have. I have to remind myself money is just money, and as cliche as it is, it really can’t buy happiness.
I actually worked at TJ Maxx in college and saved $3,000 over 9 months at minimum wage because I wouldn’t spend anything, ridic.
Post # 4
I also grew up in a finacially strained family. So I completely understand your feelings about money. I refused to be like my dad (he handled all the money) and i’ve never paid a bill late in my life and such.
Honestly, I’ve bought a higher ticket item and completely had buyers remorse about it. Even though I never spend money on myself really, except what I really need. I still feel guilty about having it, but I rationalize it by that I’m gonna use it all the time and “happy birthday to me” lol.
Post # 5
@scrinz: Indeed, that is always a good thing to remember! Thank you!
My mom called it buyers remorse too…but the thing is, I love the jacket and I really really want it! It’s the money that makes me remorseful haha I try to rationalize things too…my sister told me to donate my old coat so I don’t feel so badly about it!
Post # 6
I wouldn’t get that emotional, but I used to feel the same way buying anything. It would take me forever to decide to buy a new shirt for myself. When you start to get better paying jobs, it gets easier. Now I just feel the occasional twinge. 🙂
Post # 7
Could the reason you started to cry unexpectedly be that you had a sudden outpouring of emotion- like, guilt from buying the coat combined with the joy that you COULD buy it, combined with the sadness of thinking back to all those years when you couldn’t have nice things? I’ve had that a lot. It’s like at the end of a movie, when the rag-tag inner-city football team wins the championship game and everyone cheers for them -you want to cry, not just for the joy that they won, but because of where they used to be, and the struggle and hardship it took to get to that new place.
Post # 8
It sounds like you were stressed out and had an anxiety attack. I wouldn’t worry too much about it yet because clearly you didn’t get in your own way and you got something that you needed. If this escalates and you find that you’re depriving yourself of things you NEED then maybe you should talk to someone about it. I know where you’re coming from but at the end of the day, we work and make money so we can spend it. Really, for no other reason than to buy things. The other day I went to a supermarket and found that a bottle of wine that I like was $6 more than at the other supermarket that was out of the way. I wouldn’t get it and my Fiance texted me with, “what do we work so far for?” and he’s right. I still didn’t buy the wine but that’s not the point! Sounds like you got a great deal on the coat!
Post # 9
@laurel946: *HUGS* I feel guilty about buying clothes when I feel I need to lose weight. For me, it’s not the money, but my whole life my parents have always harassed me about my size (I’m 5’7 138lbs), so if I have to get something because my other clothes have gotten too small I feel horrible. What I’ve come to realize is, if it’s something I need to have, I can’t let my upbringing, parents, past, etc. hinder me from doing what is right for me. You’ve worked hard for your money, you budgeted smartly, and now you have the funds to get yourself something you need. Go for it and be proud.
Post # 10
@housebee: Don’t mean to threadjack, but 138 lbs on a person 5’7″ tall is certainly not overweight at all. Wow, I’m so sorry your family treated you that way.
OP – You sound like a very sweet person who possibly did have an anxiety attack and an emotional reaction to stress. Maybe you were overwhelmed with emotion at the fact you can finally afford something that’s a necessity and also something nice for yourself. $99 isn’t a bad price at all to pay for a nice coat, you got a great deal. 🙂
Post # 11
@Sunfire: My family is from asia, they think a size 6 is fat <rolls eyes>
Post # 12
@housebee: i agree with pp. it sounds like an anxiety attack triggered by buyers remorse.
as for the coat, tell yourself that you earned it, you need it, you deserve it. now enjoy it.
Post # 13
@laurel946: I totally feel for you. I was raised by parents who basically squandered away most of their income on their whims and caprices (eg, extravagant vacations) while we barely had enough to cover our basic necessities. I had to self-programme myself not to give in to temptations from a young age. I was the one who always turned down invitations because I didn’t have enough money for the commute/lunch/dinner. I could never buy my school pictures because I couldn’t pay for them. I used to sit in the library and make notes all day and night, because I couldn’t afford to buy reference books. I shop at Primark because I can’t afford more expensive brands.
My ex started a firm with me and it didn’t do too well. He has cheated me out of whatever little profits we made and has left me literally without a penny. I have a student loan to clear, and till last month my mother was repaying it. I have a small job now and hope to start repaying it from January. So I know what hardship does to you. You are talking about a coat, yesterday I was having a cone of Ben & Jerry’s with tears rolling down my eyes, because with each bite I felt like I was doing something terribly wrong.
I’m sad that there are others who feel this way. I wish you all the happiness in life.
Post # 14
I am exactly the same way! I still wear shirts from 10 years ago and the only pair of jeans I own that don’t have holes in them I bought for a steal on Black Friday. I frequently buy things I need and promptly return them the next day. 🙁
But don’t feel bad, you really really need the coat! And I agree, $99 for a good quality peacoat is a great deal! Whenever these feelings happen to you, just ride them out, have a good cry, and just be proud of how sensible you are (although you and I could both do with a few splurges here and there) 🙂
Post # 15
aw i’m so sorry you’rve having such anxiety. I definitely get overwhelmed when I think about financial matters and hate spending money on extras because I feel I have so many bills to pay and things to save for, etc. Howver, you need to take a deep breath and relax. A fun item (or needed coat) every now and then won’t make or break you.
Also, what good is it to work your ass off for your money and never enjoy it? You can’t take it with you when you’re gone, so enjoy it while you have it. As I get older I realize yes it’s important to save now and be financially responsible, but it’s equally as important to enjoy life while you’re alive. You never know what day is your last. It’s sad to thikn about but it’s true. I just try and live in the moment and enjoy life as it comes now. I knoe plenty of people who saved money their whole life and had tons in the bank but they died and never got a chance to use any of it for their own enjoyment.
Try and relax and lighten up about the heavy stuff in life – no one makes it out alive anyways!
Post # 16
Girl, you deserved that coat! My SO is exactly like you. He gets incredibly anxious about spending money on himself that it eats away at him for the whole day. And it’s not like he buys anything expensive. I’m trying to teach him how to loosen up b/c it’s no good to obsess over money all the time and forget to enjoy life. Please don’t feel guilty and if these anxiety attacks are common, you can try counseling. You need a warm winter coat!