(Closed) Unfair Competition

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

its all up to you. If you can afford to be in her wedding too and if you want to then do so. If not just politely decline and she should understand that your wedding obviously is more important to you than hers is to you

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

To be completely honest I think you are in the wrong.

If she was as good of a friend as you are implying, she is your Maid/Matron of Honor, then you should be ecstatic that you get to go through this time together.

It’s not a competition and apparently YOU are making it one not her.

My Maid/Matron of Honor got married a month before me and it was wonderful!!! We got to share in all of the planning together, went dress shopping together etc. We talked multiple times a week about what we had done and what we needed to do.

By the time a month before the wedding comes you are done most of your planning and it doesn’t get busy again until a week or two before so the planning is actually perfect.

I understand your concern about money but again if she is a really good friend you would want to spend the money and support her on her day just as you would want her to do for you!

I think you need to decide how good of a friend she is to you and go from there!

This doesn’t have to be a competition it can be a fun exciting time that you can share with your BFF!

Post # 5
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

You aren’t wrong for your feeling (hey they are YOUR feelings) however if you feel it is going to conflict, let her know AFTER she has finalized the fall plans, that you want her to focus on her wedding and you feel it is unfair to ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and plan her wedding at the same time and what solutions you both could come up with so it isn’t a conflict. Hopefully she will suggest bowing out or you can suggest her still being involved just at a lower capacity (i.e. bridesmaid) – either way she may be hurt but we have to think realistically for everyone involved.

Post # 6
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

  1. Is the timing ideal? No, but technically you do only get one day. A month before your wedding really isn’t that close. There are other Bees who are dealing with siblings weddings the week before/after theirs.
  2. My Maid/Matron of Honor hasn’t done much to help me with our wedding plans but that’s because I haven’t asked her. This is our wedding so it’s our responsibility to do all the leg work. All the MOH/bridesmaids really have to do is buy their dress, organize a shower and show up. Anything more is just an added bonus. Demoting a MOH/bridesmaid normally never ends well. If you’d like to remain friends after all of this, you should probably reconsider taking her title away.
  3. No-one can answer this but you. If you don’t think you’ll have the time or funds to be in her wedding then I would graciously bow out.

Post # 7
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

My very best friend got married 4 weeks after me.  We both had big weddings and were each other’s maid of honors.  It was awesome and so not a big deal at all.  We were able to talk about wedding stuff to each other and not drive everyone else crazy.  It was a really fun time and it wasnt a problem at all.  About the money – you would be spending it regardless of whether its close to your wedding or 6 months after. 

Post # 8
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m with Mrs. Martin. This is your best friend and you get the opportunity to share this experience. Why are you making a comptetition out of it. Really, it doesn’t matter that she only dated him for 1.5 years or you dated for 8. It’s a marriage, not a merit badge. Don’t make it into a matter of deserving anything.

If you don’t want to spend the money on her wedding, don’t but In My Humble Opinion it seems silly. If you really care about this girl, and she’s your best friend, I think turning this into a thing is unnecessary. 

Post # 9
Hostess
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m with Mrs. Martin. This is your best friend and you get the opportunity to share this experience. Why are you making a comptetition out of it. Really, it doesn’t matter that she only dated him for 1.5 years or you dated for 8. It’s a marriage, not a merit badge. Don’t make it into a matter of deserving anything.

If you don’t want to spend the money on her wedding, don’t but In My Humble Opinion it seems silly. If you really care about this girl, and she’s your best friend, I think turning this into a thing is unnecessary. 

Post # 11
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

a *month* before your wedding? good grief, that’s not like the same day or even weekend! Since you asked, I think you are in the wrong. I don’t see any reason why you can’t be in each other’s weddings. Just ask her at the same time you ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor if she is *really* up for the responsibilities associated with it, since she will be planning her own wedding.

Post # 12
Member
14418 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you were prepared to be in her wedding a few months ago financially, then it should be the same now right?  A month is not really that close.  It’s sort of perfect to get it done then and then have the month to focus on the final details of yours.  All the planning and stuff should be fun at teh same time cause it could apply to both weddings. 

Post # 13
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

The finances are totally up to you, since we don’t know how much she’ll expect or how much you have! I can say that my MOHs wedding is a month after mine, and it’s been okay in terms of planning. Just don’t think of things as a competition. If you’re naturally competitive, it’s going to be more of a challenge for you. 🙁

Post # 14
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@FMM: I couldn’t agree with you more.

My BFF was married TWO WEEKS before me, and my roommate (who was also a bridesmaid) was married 3 weeks after me. We all had very different weddings, fairly large weddings (each over 200 people) and we had a great time planning together.

This will only be a competition if you make it a competition. It doesn’t sound like your Maid/Matron of Honor is doing anything to make you feel like she’s competing against you. I would continue on being in each other’s weddings and support each other. That’s what my Maid/Matron of Honor and I did. And my Bridesmaid or Best Man and roommate did. It’s such a happy time for both of you…why make it a competition??

Post # 15
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with Mrs Martin.. You do have the right to feel whatever way you want but I think if you bring it up to her you are making it a competition.  My Future Sister-In-Law and my fiances cousin’s fiance are currently taking place in a blatant competition regarding all aspects of their wedding, including changing the one’s date so she could be first.  Being engaged myself, to me, getting married is such an amazing time in your life that nobody should ruin it for you and there should be no sort of competition what so ever.  You can both have special days without competing.

Post # 16
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

A friend of mine is getting married the weekend after me, and my Matron of Honor is in her wedding too.  Since we have all known each other since like 1993, a lot of our friend group overlaps as well. This means that some will have 2 bachelorettes, 2 showers, and 2 weddings in the same few weeks, and my Matron will be in 2 weddings in a one week span. This doesn’t bother me in the least. I did take one precaution to help her out and made an unmarried friend my Maid of Honor to take some of the pressure and expense of my Matron of Honor. 

 

Don’t sweat the small stuff, she’s your friend.

The topic ‘Unfair Competition’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors