(Closed) Unfairly Waiting? (but also a newbee)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@subtlebee:  Not talking about it for 6 months – great start.

I would suggest that you have a chat about your future life goals, plans for kid, finances, religion, and all that fun stuff.

Yes, it’s possible to know in less than a year that you’re compatible, but you are still in the honeymoon phase.

I’m a Gemini too so I can relate to the being fickle thing lol. And the wanting to get married fast thing.

See after 6 months if you’re still feeling that desire. If so, get a ring. If not, then you can take some more time.

Post # 5
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m confused…. you told him you wouldn’t talk about it for 6 months and then you are having monthly freakouts?  Or the monthly freakouts were happening before you told him you would give him time.

 

I also agree that once you know you want to spend the rest of your life with someone you want it to start right then (thank you Billy Crystal).  However, initially you told him a hear and then you changed the game.

So I agree not talking about it for 6 months is the way to go.

Post # 7
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can always say exactly what you want to us anytime!

Maybe trying to wait might not be a bad thing. I waited for years for a proposal and it was a really long time. But looking back I feel like I am in a much better place now than I was 4 years ago (emotionally and financially). Even if you feel you are in the perfect place in both of those items, maybe he isn’t. Especially if he is much younger than you. The time between 22 and 26 is a huge maturity difference.

Post # 9
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Welcome to WeddingBee!

Maybe you should join this thread http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/the-shut-it-up-pact-1022-1028

It’s important to be able to have open marriage discussions with your SO, but you also have to be careful not to put too much pressure on him. Constantly freaking out about when it will happen is often counterproductive. Focus on the fact that you have a good man who you love and wants to marry you.

Post # 11
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@subtlebee:  It’s you being honest if you talk about it once or twice. It’s pressure if you freak out about it on a regular basis. He wants to be with you, but it sounds like he’s not quite ready. You don’t want to push him into getting married to make you happy, right?

As of right now, he knows what you want. He has a reason he hasn’t done it yet. You should try to respect that reason and give it some time. 

Post # 13
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@subtlebee:  I think you’ll get there but it just takes some time. I don’t think 6 months more is unreasonable. You’re just in the beginning of your relationship, enjoy it! 

Post # 15
Member
662 posts
Busy bee

I am not certain who has the “unfair” aspect of waiting here but from your OP I feel like it’s your SO.  You told him a year, then changed it.  I dunno, that’s the only unfair thing I’m seeing.  Unless I’m missing something.

 

I think you should give him the six months that you agreed to.  If you keep changing the timeline around on him then he’s going to start not trusting what you are saying.  You told him six months but then you say till the end of February which is only four months.  Stick to your word.

 

Also you should be focusing on building your life around you right now.  I know that my SO and I are going to buy a house after we are married but that doesn’t preclude me from getting my life in order now so that if I had to buy a house on my own I could. 

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