(Closed) Unfaithful?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

In My Humble Opinion: YES! If the situation was turned and you stumbled upon a conversation like this between your husband and their former lover, would you be okay with it? I feel like if you need to talk to someone about this it needs to be your husband and a counselor not an ex.

Post # 4
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I wouldn’t be communicating with this guy.  Honestly, nothing good can come from it.  I know it isn’t what your husband wants, but the two of you need to have an honest conversation without any finger pointing about who’s fault it is.  It might not just be about his sex life, he might need to start getting active to be a healthier person so he will be with you for a long time!  You might want to get sneaky like make healthier food for you to eat and go on walks together to get him active.

Post # 5
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes, I think that if you wouldn’t want your husband reading the conversation, you probably shouldn’t continue it!

Post # 6
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

You’re on a slippery slope. Hop back on the ski lift and get out of there!

Post # 7
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

To me, this is wrong. If I was married and did this I would feel guilty. But I also look at it if my spouse did this I would consider it being unfaithful. Just the scenerio and the intentions of going to talk to him are what really does it. Seek counselling for your marriage. A lot of the time sexual inteimacy and chemistry starts with other things …dig deeper. Maybe the problem started somewhere else?

Post # 8
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You need to immediately end contact with your ex-lover.  It may not be physically cheating, but sounds like it errs on the side of emotional cheating.  Put yourself in your husband’s shoes.  If you found out, he was communicating about the best sex he ever had with the person he had it with, wouldn’t you feel betrayed, hurt, distrustful, etc, etc.


Post # 9
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Chatting with an ex-lover about how your best sex was with each other and your respective marriages are lacking in intimacy is a form of being unfaithful. I’d suggest stopping these conversations immediately and trying to find the root cause of what’s affecting your relationship with your husband.

Post # 10
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

 I wouldn’t say you have been unfaithful by having this discussion but I WOULD worry about you continuing a dialog with this man.   Its a dangerous game, you could very easily wind up hurting your husband and your marriage.

Re: you and your husband, I love the quote from S&TC “If the sex isn’t great,
it doesn’t help to say it’s not great.”  I actually (generally) agree.  I would suggest trying to start by pretending to be attracted to your husband the way you wish you were.  Fake it for a while.  Pour some wine, put on something cute/sexy, etc etc.  Maybe show him what you like instead of telling him what you like.  Sometimes you have to work on it for awhile but I think passion in a marriage is very important!

Post # 11
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes…I think this is a road what will go to a bad place…

Post # 13
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Absoloutely you should stop communicating with him. You haven’t cheated yet but you looked up this guy for a reason. You’re unhappy with your current situation and talking with this guy particularly about your “great sex” is only leading in a bad direction.

As PP stated, just think of how you would feel if your husband did this and you found it.

You need to work on your sex life with your husband, nothing good can come from further communication with this guy.

Post # 14
2863 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If I saw my husband talk like that it would be instant divorce- no joke. Your lack of sex life with your husband is not an excuse. 

Post # 15
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think this conversation in-and-of-itself is cheating but you are definitely on a slippery slope.

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