(Closed) Unfinished business with an ex-boyfriend

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4567 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Honey, you’re in a rough spot. Especially if he’s as wonderful as you say he is. But ultimately, you are going to have to choose who to be with. And as much as its going to hurt, you are going to have to sever a tie either with the man she calls “daddy” or your fiancee, because it’s not fair to string both of them along.

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is sooo hard!  I’m sorry that you’re dealing with it, and I have to disagree with KMSull – it doesn’t sound like you’re stringing your ex along. 

As long as you’ve been honest with him, it’s up to him if he wants to stick around and be involved in your daughters life.  It’s definitely going to hurt him when he finds out that you’re engaged, but that is NOT your problem.  This is something that I’ve had to tell myself after breaking up with someone – he’s upset, but I can’t help, and it’s NOT my responsibility to make him happy.  Heck, it’s all I can do to make myself happy!  I can only be honest and respectful, and that’s all that you can do too.  

Post # 5
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I hate to say this, but I agree with KM. Clearly something has made him think there is still hope (probably his huge role in your life with your daughter) and it’s just not fair to him. I think sometimes the saying is true: if you really love him, you need to hurt him by being honest. He’s clearly holding onto hope, and while he might be able to still have a role in your daughter’s life, he needs to know that your Fiance is the only guy in your life. 

Post # 6
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yeah I had someone like that.  My hs sweetheart who I never stopped loving. It wasn’t until he didn’t make an effort to see me last summer and therefore we stopped all communication that I could finally breathe freely and feel 100% about my Fiance and I.  So my advice is that you’ll probably have to cut off all communication with him.  I know that that’s difficult because of your daughter’s relationship with him. Maybe you can cut off all communication except for when she visits with him? It’s the only way. Good luck hun and go with your gut!

Post # 7
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Here’s a situation I faced with my ex-fiancee.  He had a female friend who really wanted to marry him.  They had dated briefly, and he broke up with her because he didn’t love her and knew that he never would.  But she kept waiting and hoping that he would change his mind.  I finally told him that he was leading her on by spending time with her, going to family functions and the opera and that if he really cared about her he would distance himself from her because she wanted to get married and have a family, and as long as she hung around waiting for him it was never going to happen.  So he stopped spending time with her, and a few months later she met her fiance, and they just had a baby.  I’m  sure it was very hurtful for her when my ex stopped spending time with her, but she needed a kick in the pants to move on with her life.  

I’m not completely clear from your posting if you are completely certain that you want to marry your Fiance and be with him instead of your ex, but if that is what you want then you owe it to your ex to make it clear to him that there is no more hope.  It’s really hard because I’m sure you feel guilty about your breakup, but the truth is we all make mistakes.  And the important thing is that you learn from them and start making better decisions in the future , which it sounds like you have by establishing a good relationship with your Fiance.  

Post # 9
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

You love your ex, but you’re IN love with your Fiance. You need to tell the Ex ASAP that you’re engaged. The sooner you tell him, the sooner he can try to start getting over you. that doesn’t mean he should stop seeing your daughter, but that does mean (in my opinion) he can’t just call you and have you come over at random times. Yes. His mom was in trouble, yes he wanted you in the car at the funeral. I think that’s where he might get that you still care. But you’re engaged. You need to tell him, and soon!

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