(Closed) Ungenerous gift?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@hikinggirl77:I don’t think you can say anything – it sounds like your brother and his wife are more concerned about their own ‘toys’ rather than being generous, especially after you let them stay at your house before your wedding(!!). I guess it’s something to be aware of going forward (birthdays, Christmas).

Post # 4
658 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think your are right to feel at least slightly offended. Their behavior is inexcusable! I hate when people cry about being broke (losing their house) then go out and buy new toys (57 inch flat screen tv.) Sime people just don;t have theur priorities straight. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do, and mentioning it to your mom could only cause drama.

Post # 5
10714 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hm well I know we don’t have very much money at all… but I do like to have a nice phone and nice electronics because cheap ones don’t last as long and I really like brand name products… so I save what money I can to afford them (I don’t think that means much regarding their gift to you) I also buy my son the best things I can afford to because he comes first everytime no matter what… with that said I can see both sides… If I were you I’d be upset but to them they could have done their best? I probably won’t give my siblings much of anything when they get hitched just because they realize my family comes first since we don’t have much. I would hope they don’t think because I have a decent phone and Keyan has a lot of toys that I was not being fair to them… but really I do see your point too… Just a different way to look at it.

Post # 6
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would be upset, but I don’t think I’d say anything. That’s just a sucky situation, but probably not worth getting in an argument over or hurting their feelings.

Post # 7
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@hisgoosiegirl: I agree. It sounds like they treat themselves plenty, so you can just buy yourself something nice with the difference between the nice gifts they could’ve gotten and what they are getting now that you know how little thought they give to you. 🙁

Post # 8
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Mackinaw Valley Vineyard; Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts

I wouldn’t bring it up to my mom, but if she asked, I’d probably tell her about the gift and let her draw her own conclusions from there.  No reason to start an issue with family, even if the gift is not as generous as one would expect.

Post # 9
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would just let it go.   Not everyone is generous in return and by saying something, it will just ruffle feathers and make you look bad instead of changing anything.  I think it would be really uncomfortable if they handed you another $50 because you were complaining…

Post # 10
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you’re old enough to be married, you’re old enough to not run to your mom and tell on him because you don’t think he gave you enough money. I’m not trying to be snarky, I’d be annoyed too, but the idea of running to tell mom about it is laughable, like a little kid being a tattle-tale.

Post # 11
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m of the belief that you should be thankful that you received a gift in the first place. People don’t always match the gifts we give and I don’t think its fair to judge based off of their toys. Sure its disappointing but I don’t think bringing your mother into it is the right way to handle this. 

Post # 12
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can see why you’re upset. I would be annoyed too.  I wouldnt say anything to your brother, but I would ask your mom if she knows whats going on with your bro’s finances. Maybe your mom will tell you something that you dont know that might make you feel better.  It might make you feel better to vent to your mom or just to have someone who can give you more insight.  I guess now you know  not to give your brother and his family anymore expensive gifts in the future as you will not be receiving anything equally in return.  You know where their priorities are right now, and its about themselves, so now you know not to expect anything from them. I think you will be annoyed anytime something like this arises, but its best to let it go this time……

Post # 13
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

That sucks but unfortunately, you can’t really say anything.  That’s so frustrating!

Post # 14
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I can totally understand why you would be offended as this is your brother. If this were my mom, she would have asked on her own or my brother would have told her himself. I think you know your family best and only you can decide if talking to your mom about it will start a problem or just air your frustration and help you to move on.

Post # 15
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

it was your choice to give them such a generous gift (an amount that is more than i would ever dream of giving). that does not mean he is obligated to be as generous as you have been. and just because you see them spending their money in some ways does not mean you know the ins and outs of their finances and it’s really not your business anyway.

be thankful you got a gift, regardless of how much it’s worth.

Post # 16
10287 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t blame you for being annoyed. Actually, I sort of expect to be in the same situation you’re in after our wedding. FI’s bro was married a few years ago. We, too, gave them $250. Now with our wedding coming up I doubt we’ll get much from them. I wouldn’t seek out my Future Mother-In-Law to tell her about the more than likely ungenerous gift but if she asked, which I know she will, I won’t lie to her.

Like another PP said, I would just remember this come Christmas and birthday time. I probably wouldn’t be as generous with gifts after that.

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