(Closed) Ungifted?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Don’t send the card!! Trust me you won’t feel good about it later. How long ago was the wedding? Some people are just really slow. We got married in June and some gifts have still been trickeling in.

Post # 4
Member
62 posts
Worker bee

Okay, obviously you shouldn’t send the card, but that’s a hilarious idea.  Made my morning.  :]

Post # 5
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Unfortunately though it is not something you would do many people do not give gifts at weddings.  They think their gift is just attending.  I would hold off though because they technically have up to a year.

Post # 6
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Why get so worked up because people don’t give you a gift? Gifts are a nice thing for people to offer, especially when they know the couple is young and just starting out after paying for their own wedding. However, gifts are by no means a requirement. I know it may seem like a sin that you spent $x on a guest (for a meal, favor, etc.) and they didn’t get you a gift, but this is a wedding, not some trade agreement. And, depending on your wedding date, some people may still be sending gifts. My friend got married in July and I haven’t sent his wedding gift yet because he was moving to another state for grad school and I didn’t want it to be one more box he’d have to pack.

Be appreciative of the gifts you’ve received and thankful that the giftless guests came to your wedding anyway to offer their congratulations. That’s why you invited them in the first place – to have them part of the celebration and witness your beautiful ceremony, not to receive a free blender.

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

A lot of our guests didn’t get us anything in terms of a wrapped gift, but I am so grateful for the effort and expense they went through just to come – which to me is the better gift.  In fact, I am happy people don’t feel obligated to get a gift, regardless of their financial status.  I hate getting gifts out of obligation.  I was only upset about one friend who couldn’t come, didn’t call to see how it went, didn’t even send a card wishing us well.  It hurt because it made me realized she didn’t care, and wasn’t the good friend I thought she was.

By The Way, I thinkwe got gifts from 50-60% of guests….I know this because I have a spreadsheet tracking it all so I can make sure to get out thank yous!  Also, I think everyone who attends should get a thank you, gift or no gift. I went to a friend’s wedding in LONDON last August and spent a sh**load of money to attend.  I just sent her a gift in June, but I was a little peeved that the thousands of dollars I spent to attend her wedding wasn’t worth a thank you because I didn’t buy her a present. 

Post # 8
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2009

BV Bride,

I wonder did your guest have to travel out of town to attend you wedding?

If they did – did you provide lodging, food and traveling expenses for these guests?

Did you invite these guests for their gifts or for their support?

I recently attended a wedding 2 states away – I ended up dropping better than $600 just to attend – I viewed the wedding gift as being my attendance. 

The statement of "they have really well paying jobs or are well off" is very niave of you unless you have full access to their financial books. You should ask yourself – do others view me as well off – prehaps they feel you aren’t in need of anything. 

It would have been less expensive for me to mail a gift than to attend – I chose to attend to support the bride and groom.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I too would feel a bit peeved. So I understand where you are coming from. I however, would not send that card unless you want to damage you relationship permanantly with that person.

I think this is one of those things where you will just need to let it go. Some may gift you after by mailing things but you never know.

I know it seems rude and harsh that they didn’t gift you, but ike I said I don’t think you can really do anything about it. Sorry hun. 

Post # 10
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Gifts are optional, not compulsory.  If someone does not give you a gift for your wedding it is your job to pretend you did not notice!  The first rule of etiquette is to never offend anyone by pointing out their own rudeness.  Take the higher ground and completely ignore the slight.  Honestly, you have much nicer things to think about now!

Post # 11
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I’m surprised how many times this topic comes up.

It is not a requirement to give a gift.

My husband and I usually send the gift after the wedding.  We don’t want people having to deal with transporting gifts.

Renewing vows after 14 years – October 12, 2008

Post # 12
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Ditto the pp’s who said gifts are optional.  People probably paid a ton of money to come to your wedding.  Be happy they were there to celebrate with you. You should be enjoying recently wedded bliss, not fuming over people who didn’t buy you material gifts.

Post # 14
Member
48 posts
Newbee

                   A lot of people still believe in that up to a year after the wedding thing to give presents, so you still may get quite a few.

Post # 15
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2008

I was going to say that same thing- all of our friends are aware of the "one year" rule and maybe they’ll still send one. I am getting married in two months and though I’d like to say "take the high road" and forget it-  but I know it would bug me too!

Post # 16
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I have the same issue, and lots of those people are BMs and other people that definitely would have gotten a gift.  It could be they got busy and forgot, or are taking advantage of the one year rule.

My Darling Husband had a great idea you could consider– post your wedding pictures on your wedding website, and send an email to everyone directing them back to the website to look at your photos.  Leave the registry info on the site.  I think it’s a nice subtle reminder.

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