(Closed) Unhappy SO

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

He is really young and seems to feel that he hasnt experienced what many young college people experience. You dont want him marrying you out of pressure.

You are 4 1/2 years older so I am assuming mid 20’s? You have time as well to wait and let him be young. Its only you who can decide if you want to wait for him, but he definately seems to need his space.

Post # 4
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

How old is he?  He must be very young because he’s still in a college?  If he’s that young, I think you should move on because he might not be ready to settle a family and then become a dad right away. 

Post # 5
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@loopsygirl:  Welcome to the hive 🙂 I honestly feel that he does love you but he isnt really ready for a serious commitment or responsibilities and I know you do love him but I dont think you should wait you have a child and a life of your own you shouldnt have to wait just on him. 

Post # 6
Member
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

it seems he needs to realise what it means to be an adult. i dont mean this in a

snarky way i promise, but when you livei nyour own place (even with room mates)

you quickly learn to cook/clean/take care of yourself. i assume you dont have that in dorm rooms??

its hard for a complete stranger to judge,,,he might be asking for a break with the intention of being alone and breaking up with you, but he might be asking you to wait a bit until he feel more mature/ready

Post # 7
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s hard to go from the dorms to a ready made family situation. I would give him some time to be by himself, he may just need the extra time to grow up a bit and see the adult world for himself, if that makes sense. Maybe put a cap on it of a year or so, re-evaluate. He will soon realize that even living by yourself, its a lot of work compared to having omeone else doing the cleaning or cooking! But I would give him that time.

Post # 8
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Welcome to the hive! Coming from someone who has lived in dorms and experienced the “college life”, I definitely think it’s a “cultural” shock coming into that situation. Going from only having to worry about yourself, relying on your “meal points” card for food, and just overall being overall care free…..it will absolutely take some time and adjustment to be in the “real world” living and acting as a family unit. I think he just needs time be out in the real world and time to grow into an adult…on his own. I don’t think he’s immature at all, he just need to transition. I also don’t think he doesn’t love or care for you. It sounds like his feelings are genuine but he needs that time to transition into adulthood, and if he feels he needs that time to do it alone, then give him his space.

Should you wait for him? I guess it depends on how strong your relationship is. If you truly feel in your heart that he’s “the one” (and the feeling’s mutual), then yes you should wait. How long? Only you can decide this. Good luck, OP!

ETA: I see that we’re date twins! Is this your actual wedding date or is it a “temp” date?

Post # 9
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee

He definitely needs to grow up and experience life first. A lot of people do. It’s a lot of responsilbility. 

Whether you want to wait and see if he’s ready or not, is up to you. He might be ready for a year, or he might not. When I was with someone in his early 20’s, I ended up leaving him because he wasn’t ready and I knew he needed to get out and make bad decisions and I met an amazing guy 8 months later and we’re getting married in a month and a half. 

People can love and care about each other, and it can still not work out because they aren’t in the same place. So much of finding your soulmate is timing. 

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