- 2 weeks ago
Going anon for this. I’m 3m postpartum and miserable. I love being a mom and my baby, but I’m having a hard time with my husband. We are constantly bickering and yelling at each other. I had an awful traumatic delivery and I am still not healed, physically or emotionally and I feel he doesn’t care. He has little to no patience so I feel like I have to do all the caregiving. He is great with our baby until the baby cries after all needs are met (been changed, fed etc) or if the baby wakes in the middle of the night. I do the night shift (I put the baby down at 9pm and he typically wakes at 530 but occasionally he’ll wake at 3am for comfort) but yet, if the baby wakes he still mutters how “he can’t stand this”. I wash all the bottles and if I ask for a night for him to do them, I get a snarky response or a “I’ll do it later”. I give him time to recharge often, but if I ask for it, I get constantly timed with “are you done” if I ask if he’s done, it starts an argument. He mentions often that he wants a second, but that sounds like a nightmare to me. Besides being 2min shy from dying from blood loss during childbirth, I have zero desire to do the baby phase again with him. I’m exhausted from being a punching bag when the baby cries, being responsible for everything like cleaning, and when I try to discuss it with him he says i am just at fault. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I think he’s blind to everything I do on the day to day basis. I decided not to set him up for his day home alone with the baby (we each have one day a week alone off work and typically I set him up with clean bottles etc for the day) and he was beside himself and acted like I was being selfish. On my days off, I always try to fit in a little cleaning and I always make sure he has clean bottles for when he takes the baby and I make dinner. I come home and no bottles are washed, the house is a disaster no dinner etc. I wouldn’t mind this if when I came home and took the baby he did stuff, but he plays on his phone. I understand it’s exhausting being home with the baby but I manage to get it done. We have a very easy baby so I feel like the potential for the second being difficult will destroy our marriage. Before the baby, we really never fought and always were best friends. Everything was very equal in the home and if we did have a fight, we were able to calmly talk about it. Now it feels like we can’t. Sorry if this is all over the place, I’m just hoping other bees have experience the same and that hopefully things will be back to normal as our baby ages? I don’t want this to sound like he’s a terrible husband or father – is he 100% here all the time and absolutely amazing with the baby more than not and I think getting frustrated when the baby is crying for unknown reasons is normal. It’s us as husband and wife that is breaking down and I’m exhausted.