(Closed) UNHAPPY- only 4 months married

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 77
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Coral99:  I think mine was hours!!!;) We should start a thread for Honeymoon Blues (or something like that) to support each other during the first year…seems like there are a lot of “us.” What do you think?!?!

Post # 78
Member
2093 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@luckylady3090:  I think that’s a wonderful idea. I’m in!!

Post # 79
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hey…lots of bees weighing in here…but one more can’t hurt. I never lived with my Darling Husband before we got married. We not only were moving in to a new house together after the wedding, but also in a new state, with two new jobs. It’s HARD. 

Mix that with the natural lows that come after the big wedding is over and you’ve got some big time emotions to deal with. 

Don’t fret or do anything you can’t take back just yet. Give yourself more time. If in a month you’re still feeling as bad as you do now, ask your Darling Husband if he would go see a counselor with you. 

In the meantime, schedule date nights with him at least once a week (if there are no kids involved, two or three nights would be good!). And more importantly, find something you really enjoy doing whether it’s exercise, art classes, etc. to occupy yourself with after work or on the weekends. It will help you state of mind.

Stay strong! 

Post # 80
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@luckylady3090:  

@Coral99:  

 

I’m in too ladies! If you make the group let me know! 

I have been married for just 3 months and my goodness, I worry a lot that there is something wrong with our marriage because we are not lovey-dovey as I feel others expect us to be so newly into our marrige. I chimed in with the OP about feeling similarly frustrated with our respective Darling Husband. We waited to get married to live toogether and teh adjustment is HARD! We love each other so much and truly make each other happy but geez, sometimes it just might be that the ones that love us the most can also annoy us most! 

Post # 81
Member
810 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@HourThyme:  

@Coral99:  

@Lola518:  

Okay, so I am making a thread right now for newly married folks! I am excited to get some support!

Post # 82
Member
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@Lola518:  I hardly ever recommend counseling, but this is the one situation where I actually think it would help. If you were in love with him before there’s no way it just disappeared like that. I bet you can find it again, you just need to get your feelings out and get some problems solved. You may want to start couseling alone and then bring your husband later once your therapist knows how you feel. You can work this out.

I also didn’t live with my first husband until we were married, it was hard and lonely and I was horribly depressed.

Post # 83
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Lola518:  I know everyone has given a ton of good advice. I enjoyed reading it this thread because I am not yet married but I do wonder how I will be when I do. Fiance and I are long distance and when we are together, I find myself still wanting some alone time even when he is there. I know I am supposed to miss him and want to spend every waking moment with him because I haven’t seen him in months but I am an introvert and I prefer to spend a lot of time alone.

Aanyway, my one piece of advice is to read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman if you haven’t already. I find that when Fiance is communicating to me in my love language i.e. spending time with me doing something that I enjoy e.g. going for a run with me or doing yoga with me, a lot of the warm and fuzzy feelings come back. When he spends his holiday time doing work I find that I get resentful and then withdraw more and want to keep doing stuff by myself because he was too busy half the day to pay me much mind. So figure out what your love language is and if your husband has stopped meeting those need. For example, if your love language is gifts and hubby has stopped getting you pretty cute things then that can build resentment.

I do believe that you got married to him because you love him though. Love does not just die. The feeling of being in loves waxes and wanes but the fact that you are on here looking for some advice means that you want this to work out. Everyone has irritating habits unfortunately but usually we overlook them when we are feeling fulfilled and loved. Also, if you are an introvert while hubby is an extrovert, there is also an opportunity to research on how best the two personality types can interact in a marriage and in a home. You will have to talk to your husband about all of this though, because he will need to understand the best ways in which you feel loved and what you need in terms of solo downtime.

I hope it all works out for you.

Post # 84
Member
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I TOTALLY understand you! Our backstory is different though. He moved in with me and we lived in my mom’s basement for 4 years straight after getting together. We literally loved every minute of it! We bonded so much in those four years in our TINY basement apartment and he bonded a ton with my mom. It was awesome!! A little over a year ago we finally made the move to get our own apartment.

No kidding, about a week after moving into our own place I could barely even look at him. He made me nuts. I found this REALLY weird as we had already lived together for four years. I felt the same way you do. I got so depressed and so pessimistic about our future that I exploded. I had to have this really deep talk with him about my doubts and how I actually thought he should start looking for someone to share the lease with him.

We re-adjusted our relationship completely after this as he was still madly in love with me. I felt guilty at first but realized that us two on our complete own didn’t know how to balance all our loneliness and boredom. We had to start dating again and doing sweet things with one another. And I made it very clear to him that I needed to still spend a lot of time with my mom as my girl time had been cut in half. About 6months into our new situation we were on cloud nine with each other and he proposed. So I say stick it out but be totally honest. Counseling wouldn’t hurt but try on your own first.

Post # 84
Member
857 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Lola518:  Hey! How are things going with your Marriage now? I am too going through some marital issues so i have been searching posts to read others stories. Are you and hubby still together? Worked out the kinks?

Post # 85
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

@lola815 

Can you tell me what ended up happening? Going through subverting right now and I’d love to hear what happened from here. I know it was a feyears ag…but where are you now? Did you stay or go? Are you happy?

Post # 86
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

 

View original reply
Nikkimcq :  How has everything worked out? Did everything figure itself out for you? Going through something of my own :/

Post # 87
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

View original reply
Lola518 :  I know this is super weird as you posted this half a decade ago, but I’m in a very similar situation. The timeline is very similar as are my feelings to yours five years ago.  If you don’t respond I completely understand but I was just wondering, how did things turn out? I’ve really been looking for insight into my own situation lately too :/

Post # 88
Hostess
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

View original reply
dels13 :  Hey bee, it’s unlikely that this poster is still around – but she can DM you if you want. And if you’re looking for advice feel free to start your own thread. I’m going to close this so people don’t waste their time commenting to the OP that is no longer here.

The topic ‘UNHAPPY- only 4 months married’ is closed to new replies.

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