(Closed) Unhappy With All Wedding Options

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I see paragraphs! 

Can you do something in between? How about having a small wedding sometime in the fall? Or doing a destination wedding? Those will knock down your guest list and hopefully you’ll have fewer people to work around. Ask your Fiance what really matters to him – is it just having a fun time with his family there or is he really dying to have a big wedding? 

Post # 4
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I really wanted to just elope and I let my fiance talk me into a wedding so I can understand how you feel.  He felt that I would regret not having a wedding, honestly its hard to say how I’d have felt.  Once we’re married I’m sure I’ll be thankful for having a wedding with everyone who loves us.  Just as I’m sure once you’re with your fiance you will feel the same.  I couldn’t imagine having the added stress of applying for a Visa along with a name change.  There’s not much you can do though so its best to just try not to let it stress you out too much.  Since you’re already researching it, you could get all the documents together that you’ll need and make copies and such, that way when you can actually apply you’ll have everything ready and it’ll make it go smoother.  Also maybe you could get a part time job to give you something to do during your free time.  Retail is usually always hiring during the holidays.  You could also research and begin looking for jobs in England, if you plan to work.  Good luck, I’m sure everything will work out perfectly!

Post # 7
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@bowsergirl:  i hear you on visa stress. im trying to work out my legal papers to live in mexico after my wedding (im here, but as a tourist)and its a nightmare. and i know that moving to the uk (im fron england) is super hard too

so will he be with you? or youll be alone while you wait for the visa? if alone (and you have the money) maybe you could do a course..or internship…or something that will fill the time in a valuable way. and see your family? itll be tough, but 7 weeks is manageable

whatever happens…however you do the wedding its going to be incredible. to make that commitment to the man you love (and obviously have them make it back to you) means youll be walking on air

like your fi, i cant have that many people on my side at the wedding (getting to mexico is a massive financial commitment!). its the downside of falling in love with someone from another nationality…most likely, someone isnt going to have many people on their side. unless you have a Destination Wedding and then no one has many people on their side hahaha

Post # 8
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Same position here. We’ve decided on a private ceremony with literally just immediate family for the sake of visas. Nothing fancy, no party, nothing. Just probably just going out for a nice dinner afterwards just the two of us. Then we’ll be doing a proper ceremony followed by a reception next year.


I know you said he doesn’t like the idea of something small, but point out to him that the practicalities of the situation may require having to do things in a way that would not be his first choice. Plus, it isn’t like you guys will be abandoning wedding plans. You’ll still have it the way you’re planning, you’ll just be legally married earlier than the wedding date.



Post # 9
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@bowsergirl:  My BFF met her man in England. She’s from USA he was in England on a work visa, he is portugese with South African citizenship. I know right!! So ahe moved back from England the first week in April. He came out the last wek in April we went to Vegas and got them good and married (it was Vegas or Atlanta where it could legally happen apparently). The next day we came home and 2 days later had a ceremony with all of the friends and family (about 75 guests including mom and sis from S.A.). The license was done in Vegas. He went back to England 2 weeks later–she filed a bunch of paperwork and then met him out there about 2 weeks after that.


Anyway… my thoughts are:

One: You do not have to spend 15k on a wedding weither it is summer or winter I don’t care how much your parents want to throw a big shin-dig.

Two: If his family is already planning to come out in Jaqnuary I would respect that and wait for the wediing then–but why not get married legally over the summer–start the paperwork process and then have the wedding in January and then go to the U.K. with him. 


It cold be nice and romantic to get married just the two of you before hand and then have the big wedding and party joining families together in January as planned.


Hope these ideas help!

Post # 10
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

What really is the most important to you and your FI? If you think eloping would make you happier, go for it. Personally, I wanted to have a very small wedding, but because of my  unfortunate interfamily dynamics (my parents are divorced, as are my FIs, my mom doesn’t get along with my SIL, etc) I decided it would be suicidal to put those people in a small space and enjoy myself. Basically, I let other people dictate my wedding… and I am excited about my wedding, but really, I would have been happier eloping.

What I am trying to say is design your wedding to make you happy- don’t focus too much on other people. If they love you and they are a little disappointed with your wedding plans, maybe simply saying, “This is what we want, and it makes us happy.” They might back down and support you quicker than you think.

I vote that you elope over the summer, then apply for your visa, and have a belated but traditional wedding reception (sans ceremony- or perhaps a vow renewal instead) in January. That might be a good compromise!

And additionally… I think people need to be more realistic about this. Of course they are excited about the wedding of their son/daughter/friend/etc. but it is an international marriage, and the logistics of things (like most importantly, your visa to live with your future husband!) are tricky.

Post # 11
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

How about having a civil ceremony with just the two of you in advance? That way you can have your visa by the time you have your actual wedding and head off to join him across the pond as soon as you’re married!

You can still have your wedding ceremony and celebration on the planned date!

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