- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I’ve chosen three bridesmaids: My sister, my husband’s sister, and my best girl friend. Thank goodness I didn’t choose 4 of my other girl friends to be bridesmaids as well had I known the headache of picking a dress that was to ensue!
My husband and I didn’t want to wait to get married any longer so we got married in a private ceremony at our pastor’s house during March with our parents. My sister was due to have her first baby during March and my husband’s sister had med school. As a result, we’re having our official public wedding this August.
From the get-go, I’m having everything I’ve wanted and dreamed of for our wedding being squashed and steamrolled over. I’ve been able to roll with it but there are some points where I have my limits.
I changed the wedding theme colors from my dream Spring colors of purple, pink, and white (and a little green) to orange, white, and blue for my husband. I know it was planned for August but why can’t I have beautiful spring colors? Apparently I can’t.
I changed the bridesmaid colors from vibrant purple to blue for my husband’s sake, he and one too many girls wanted royal blue but I was able to put my foot down and say I wanted navy blue. He is supportive of navy blue after I convinced him. I changed the dresses to knee-length, again for my husband’s sake rather than floor-length I originally wanted.
My best girl friend wanted her dress to be tea-length; something I’m definitely not fond of. My sister was very supportive of me and said I need to be firm with what I want, etc. So I did that and said I wanted knee-length and was willing to give some flexibility with that. As in, the length could be a bit above knee or a bit below knee. I firmly reiterated this multiple times and gave examples. I said no mid-calf dresses (tea-length).
Well, I have gone back and forth with said best girl friend multiple times culling dresses from two websites that were modest like she preferred and also were something I liked as well for her to choose from. I gave her pages and pages of dresses to look at. Each time, she narrowed each one down to say, 3 or 5 dresses each.
THEN she says she needs to have her husband approve them as well, ok. So I waited. Each time her husband shoots the remaining dresses down to one, two, and then as a finale, effectively zero by complaining he wished there were more options!
So she says she wants to get something from a Mormon dress website instead to go with what falls in line with her modesty standards. I’m feeling pretty tested by this point but I keep being soooo gracious and SO nice to her saying okay, sure but I said I would like her to pick them out herself with her husband instead of me picking them out. I mean, impossible to pick out dresses out for her so might as well let her do it, right? (Side note: she is not a Mormon but she is of a religion in which many girls don’t dress this modestly. There are some that do but many doesn’t. I should know since I am part of same denomination.)
So she and her husband picks out about five Mormon dresses. I didn’t like any of them. They’re ALL tea-length. Only chiffon too! Come on, pick out a satin one too. Taffeta. Maybe lace. Throw me a bone. One looked unbalanced and made the model look tiny on top and heavy on the bottom. One had so much ruffles it made the model look like she’s wearing a 6 year old girl’s dress, and then the others were so….bland. Exactly something one would wear to a church- that casual. I do like chiffon- if it looks a little fancied up. Even the website had a dress or two that were nicer that they didn’t go for. Fantastic.
So, my husand and I went over the dresses and asked her if she could go with a dress that we had chosen previously from the other websites- one that she and her husband previously had liked and said such great things about. It was just as modest, in a lace and satin fabric. To boot, it costs half as much as the Mormon dress.
Cue the response:
“Husband and I have already decided on the dress we like from Mormon website. I’ve asked a few people for their opinions and they all like the dress very much, not the other one. After finding the Mormon dress we like it so much, much better than the previous one. The previous one was pretty much the only one we found to be modest before the idea of looking for dresses at Mormon’s website so it caused me to hope for the previous dress for it is the only modest dress at that time. Hope you understand…”
I’m absolutely fed up and at the end of my rope and I do NOT want that dress they chose from the mormon website.
My husband actually became supportive of her since he thinks she’s stuck in the middle between her husband and I. Where in the world was that understanding when I said I preferred some things myself too?
Maybe it’s because he thinks she may be abused. I don’t think she is. She said it was only verbal abuse and that it doesn’t happen often. I’m not too sure about her being a pushover because she was never one with me but rather strong-worded on topics. Which I absolutely appreciate- most of the time. (Once or twice it was over the line but I’m not one to get angry or upset easily.)
I understand her wanting to follow her husband’s desire ultimately, but not to the point of spoiling and pampering him!
I’m so upset and just so unhappy. She had the gall to bemoan to me that she didn’t want to look “so different” and “stick out” like a sore thumb from the other bridesmaids and could the other bridesmaids wear dresses similar to hers.
I told her I wanted everyone to like their own dresses so they are picking their own but that everything should tie them in together such as the color, the length, and maybe the fabric.
My husband said we should ask the other bridesmaids to pick dresses that would help her to not look so different from the other girls. He thinks the other girls are flexible and are accommodating. The point for me is, I want them to like their own dresses therefore they are picking what they like. I refuse to ask them to pick something for the other girl’s sake.
My best girl friend has the option of backing out of being a bridesmaid and I wish she would as bad as that sounds. I would never ask her to because I asked her to be one of my three bridesmaids. It would be too terrible to ask her to do that.
Since when did weddings become about what everyone else wants but barely anything about what the bride wants??????
Even my mom had to complain and say everything negative and absolutely nothing positive about my wedding dress that she has ruined the dress’s magic for me. I don’t love the dress anymore but am putting it on and pretending to love it for everyone else’s sake. What’s the point of having a dang wedding? Just to put on a show for everyone else and make everybody so dang happy dappy about a big fake wedding?
I’m even having it in a church rather than my dream of having it outdoors but I will say it’s due to budget reasons. My parents don’t want to pay out too much and I don’t want to have much of a debt beyond the honeymoon. So that’s fine I guess.
I’m just so upset and I feel like crying. I’m SO frustrated. I just want to just give up. Why bother even trying? Why should I even be obligated to? Yes, I will do it because I’m obligated to. OBLIGATED. I hate everyone. (I do love them but this is how I feel at the moment.)
The ONLY thing I wanted that I got was the wedding dress and now I don’t even like it anymore due to mom. Thanks mom!
I hate this.
SO, I’m thinking of emailing my best girlfriend’s dress choice to the other bridesmaids and tell them to pick dresses for themselves they both love and to not even ask me if I like them because I’m just done with the dresses. I will also say they’re free to change it to royal blue over navy blue as well. I’m just done. They can email each others, just don’t email me anything about the dresses other than what they’re ordering.
Sorry for the long ranting and all. Any advice and inputs from you gals would be much appreciated!
Any negative response towards me will not be appreciated. I’m just really at the end of my rope and feeling completely miserable. 🙂