(Closed) Unhappy with him but still sexual

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I read your other posts and all I can say is that no sex is good enough to make up for the way you’ve been treated. Leaving toxic relationships can be very difficult and I would recommend getting some personal counseling… it really helped me when I was leaving my ex.

Post # 4
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I feel for you.  You are in a very difficult situation (I remember you from one of your older posts).  But I think I can can tell (and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong) that you know in your heart that this man is bad news; you know that this man will only bring you sadness and heartbreak in the long run. In your first post about this man, you described emotional abuse in its worst form.

I could give you cliches about how sex isn’t everything (it isn’t!), and that there are other fish in the ocean (there are!) but I don’t think that’s what you are looking for.

You need to cut and you need to cut cleanly.  Move away. Delete his number from your phone. Change your number. Delete his emails. Throw away stuff that leads your mind to thoughts of him.  

You described him as your “drug”, so you need to treat this like an addiction.  Being “partially clean” (so to speak) is the exact same thing as being addicted.  Saying you want to leave but still having sex with him means you are still in this twisted relationship.  If you really want to get out, you need to be strong and make the cut.  There is no getting around it.

I hope you find the strength and the wisdom to do what is best for you and your child.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers. 

Post # 5
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree that you should consider counseling.  Honestly, I don’t think that any man is ‘amazing’ at sex, it’s about a woman knowing what she wants and doing things to get herself there instead of just sitting there and hoping it comes.  You will find someone else that you have good chemistry with but not if you keep going back to this jerk who treats you badly.

Post # 7
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I’m going to agree with the other posters – get some counseling, it can really help!!!

Post # 8
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Oh girl. It’s hard because that intimacy leaves us feeling so attached, so I can understand. I think you ought to talk to a counselor or at the very least, cut all ties with him so you can just move on. Obviously you want to (this relationship can’t be healthy if you’re talking to us about how you want to leave!) so I hope you do. Good luck and remember, you not only should do what’s best for you, but for your son too.

Post # 10
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

sounds like you love him but he doesnt make you happy, good luck, i agree try counselling

Post # 11
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It sounds like you are living together when he is in town, and of course that would be a huge temptation! If you are really intending on breaking it off, you should not spend time together, much less spend the night in the same house. I know there might be financial reasons that one or both of you can not strike out on your own, but is there a friend you can stay with when he is in town? I think if you put the physical distance between the two of you, it will start to get easier, but being physically intimate will keep you attached to him.

Post # 12
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

i agree that counseling and a clean cut would be the best.  but since he is your kid’s dad you might not be able to make a clean cut.  I don’t think you could just run away with his kid.  I’d check into that first before cutting him completely out of your kid’s life.  But it will be good to end your relationship with him.

Post # 14
19 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

You need some good friends. Seriously. I found myself in a similar situation. I thought I couldn’t leave him. I knew I would be soooooo lonely. I would always talk to my best friend about it and tell her that I knew I needed to leave him but I didn’t think I could. PLUS, I was worried about what other people would think. (yes, I said it). Eventually, I realized that I was the only one really in the relationship. I realized that I was a good catch and that any man would be lucky to be with me. Soooo, when the day came and he came over, I kept my positive thoughts with me and I didn’t do it. I kept telling myself, Happy, you will feel sooooo guilty after this. That stopped me. Also, because I was very weak that time I didn’t want to test myself anymore. So, when he would call saying he needed to come by and pick up his stuff, I told him to meet me in a very public place in the daytime. By the way, I hear you about the sex, but remember, you can teach a man how to love you right. Trust me, when you start telling him what you want in the beginning, (that’s when they really want to please YOU), things work out.

Don’t forget that you are a CATCH! Any man would be lucky to have you.

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