(Closed) Uninterested Bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 1
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I have 5 bridesmaids, my three sisters who are 15, 6 and 4, my cousin and ‘best friend’ since we were babies, and my matron of honour is my auntie. 

My ‘best friend’ and I were always very close, then she went to uni and has changed alot, then she got her first boyfriend, and now we hardly see or hear from her. He lives in Ireland, We live in Cornwall, she has gone to Ireland to be with him, supposedly for a month or two, so far it has been 3.5 months, but she is happy and I am sooooo happy for her and glad she has a good man in her life. So much so that we we asked him to be an usher, to which she replied, ‘umm sure, why? who cancelled?’ which I was very offended by. 

Anyways, the wedding is at the beginning of Sept and my nan is doing the alterations on the dresses, we have now got all the dresses and I have done my flowers etc, my fiance is concerned the dresses won’t go together, as the two youngest have the same dresses, the sister and cousin have the same and the matron of honour has a different one. So, to make sure everything matches and looks nice etc, we want to get everyone together and get all the dresses on to check. 

So I text her asking her when she is next home, she told us in Jan it should be mid feb, anyways, she replied ‘should be before June’!

She does not seem in the slight bit interested in anything but her boyfriend lately, I put on facebook that I had cracked the seating plan and she text me saying it all sucks and why am I doing it, and am I not fed up with it all – so I replied I AM GETTING MARRIED, I AM EXCITED!!!

My matron of honour is amazing, I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor a couple of months after getting engaged, and she was soo touched, she is a size 32 and has a load of tattoos so was hesitant, but as I said, I love her and she is a good friend as well. So after a LOT of tears she proudly accepted the role. My other bridesmaid (cousin) expected to be a bridesmaid. 

Maid/Matron of Honor is constantly asking how the wedding is going, cried when I tried my dress on, is helping in any and every way she can. Offered to help me get my deposit back from my venue which has just gone into administration (a month or so ago), my other bm didn’t even care. 

My 6 year old bm is more excited and interested than my bm, asking every day how many sleeps it is til the wedding. 

Am I being petty getting annoyed by this or not?

 

Post # 3
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have a similar sitatution. It’s not being petty at all to be annoyed as this is your special day and you want others to be exited for you espeially the people you have asked to be in your bridal party.

I have 5 bridesmaids and 4 of them are very easy going and just go with the flow but one who is my close friend..seems to disagree with everything I pick even down to criticizing the dress I picked for myself!!! My wedding isnt for over a year and I definetly dont want drama in the wedding party.

Hope fully your friend and mine will change there attitude about our big day and be excited for us and we would be for them on there big day! Good luck with everything! Your very lucky to have a Maid/Matron of Honor that is helping you and being supportive which is why you asked her to do that job in the first place!

Post # 4
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@kroughy89:  I know people say this all the time, and it’s hard for some brides to accept, but no one will care about your wedding as much as you do. Your other Bridesmaid or Best Man has a life…and it sounds like a pretty awesome one at that. She has her own things to worry about, and she’s not goign to want to gush about your wedding 24/7. Her job is to buy a dress and show up on the wedding day to support you. Anything else is just a bonus.

Post # 5
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sweetchiquita12:  

Thank you, The original plan was to ask the uninterested bm to be Maid/Matron of Honor but after a long think, decided I would ask my Auntie, I have read on so many posts on here that the BM’s have their own problems etc and their only job is to be there on the day, but I don’t agree, they are supposed to be your nearest and dearest so would think they would be interested. When talking about dresses for BM’s The only thing she cared about was how her legs and boobs look!!

Post # 6
Member
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@2PeasinaPod:  Exactly my thoughts!! 

As a long distance bridesmaid in many weddings, being ‘interested’ is a tough thing to do too!!  If being ‘interested’ means helping out, being at appt’s, etc.  That does not mean I was not excited for my friends and their big day…I just did not think about it every day!! 

I was there when I was expected to be, and that makes for an excellent bridesmaid!!

Post # 7
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@2PeasinaPod:  

I bought their dresses and I am not asking her to DO anything, I would just like her to be slightly interested!! I understand she has her own life and I am happy for her, I really am. But, she can’t even tell me roughly when she will be home to try her dress on!! If I was her bridesmaid, I know for a fact, I would be excited for her and interested and try and help her.

Post # 8
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@2Peasinapod: I do agree that everyone has there own life. And it is true no one will be more excited about your wedding than you (maybe not even your fiance lol) but it would be nice to have a little support like kroughy89 says she hasnt asked for anything extra from her friend. In my case I was called a “bridezilla” just for stating that the choices for my wedding are primarily mine and when there weddings roll around then it will be there choices and our support they would want!!

 

Post # 9
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

From what I understand, you are upset that your bridesmaid cannot travel to try on a dress being made for her? 

i know some brides have a very specific ‘look’ thought out for their bridesmaids, but sometimes people can’t travel before the wedding.  That sounds like what is going on here.  I mean yes, it isn’t a super long journey from Ireland to Cornwall by plane, but it still takes time, money, and possibly days off from work, which she might be saving for your wedding.

Could your nan mail her the dress and she can try it on and take a photo of it?  Then get alterations done locally?

Post # 10
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@futuremrsfitz18:  

The point is she was supposed to be coming back in Jan/Feb after her temp job finished, we want to see how all dresses look together and my nan is doing the alterations as she is a seamstress. 

And it is more the fact she is not at all interested in the wedding, I went out with my mum on her Avon round the other day, and almost strangers were more interested than she is.  

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@futuremrsfitz18:  This…

 @kroughy89:  Sorry, but I stand by what I said. She’s probably at a much different place in her life. I’m sorry she’s not interested, but being long distance and having to travel home just to try on a dress is something silly to get upset over IMO. Why not just put all of the dresses side by side? Why do you have to see them on all of your bridesmaids all at once? I understand wanting her to get fitted for the dress, but if you already have it, ship it to her so that it can get altered. 

Post # 12
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@2PeasinaPod:  

I am not upset that she won’t come home, I did just say that. But surely friends, no matter where they are, what they are doing, what’s happening in their lives, would be excited and interested when their friend is getting married, it is a HUGE part of someone’s life! I KNOW for a fact I would be interested if it was the other way around. I am not expecting her to talk to me about the wedding all the time, I am not expecting her to do anything other than be there, I bought her dress, jewellery etc, so she doesn’t have to do that either, all I would like is a little support and interest, I personally do not think that is too much to ask ….

Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@kroughy89:  

I totally agree with you. These women have accepted the honor of being your bridesmaids. It IS an honor!! Bridesmaids need to treat it as such. I have been a bridesmaid a few times and I know I will be at least another 2times! You get excited. You support the bride. You be happy and positive and excited! That is in the job description!! And this bride is your dear friend – this should not be a hard thing to do. My goodness, are people so selfish that they cannot share the joy and happiness of this time with a good friend?? Its a once in a lifetime event! Make the damn time for someone who is meant to be important to you!! kroughy89 – You have every right to be offended/hurt/annoyed and cranky with this girl. You need to have a long talk with her and kindly tell her this is a HUGE time for you and you’d appreciate it is she could get excited for you and make some room for you in her (new) life. It should not need to be said or asked though, friendship is a 2 way street. It sounds like you are interested in the friendship while she has moved on (for now). Bring her back down to earth.

Post # 14
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Amej84:  Thank you, that is exactly how I feel, when she got a boyfriend, I was excited for her, when she went to uni, I was excited for her, when she got a 1st in her degree, I was excited, when she got her job in Ireland, I was excited, but she is not in the slightest excited for me, I am doing this once, and want her to be involved. I just don’t think that is much to expect 

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