(Closed) Uninvite her?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2604 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@NewYearsEve:  Oh wow, I didn’t realize you never received her “yes” RSVP. That combined with her past behavior makes me seriously rethink my previous response.

Post # 18
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I wouldn’t uniinvite her, just give your caterer a number 5% lower than what you are actually expecting (someone else suggested this in another thread), a good professional caterer will always be able to accomodate a few extras because that’s the nature of tese types of events. 

Also, the PP didn’t say that people don’t care about these pre wedding events, but rather they don’t care as much as you do, which imo, is a fair, realistic assesment.

From these boards and also personal experience its extremely rare that every guest that RSVPs yes will show to your wedding so you may want to take that into consideration that this one guest may not be the only one to “no show”. I hope this isn’t the case for you though and that you are pleasantly surprised. 

ETA: From your original post it sounds like you guys don’t talk often? Maybe back off calling/trying to contact her every day, although I’m sure you’re doing it all out of concern, she may be feeling a little weird that you’re calling her every day or feeling pressured or something? Who knows the minds of others, ya know? Give it a few days and try not to stress over it too much

Post # 20
Member
6310 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It really boils down to, do you want a friendship with her in the future? 

If the answer is no, call her and let her know that 2 no-shows and no RSVP card has led you to believe that she doesn’t’ desire to be your friend and won’t be attending, so you’ve marked her as a “no” for the wedding.

If you do want her as a friend, I guess you need to keep trying to get in contact with her.

Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn’t want a friend who can bail on me twice after saying they were coming. Now she’s ignoring your calls/texts? Yeah, that’s not a friend. Personally I would tell her you’re considering her a “no” and let it be. If she tries to reach out, let her know that the numbers are final and it’s too late. I wouldn’t be concerned about keeping a friendship like that.

Post # 21
Member
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@OneDayMrsW:  She already RSVP’d with a yes for her and a guest. People have lives to live and can’t always be available at other’s beck and call. So option 3 would be very rude and tacky, since the OP already knows this girl’s intent to attend.

 

View original reply
@NewYearsEve:  Nope, I still think it’s a huge etiquette faux pas to rescind the invite. This girl already had a fmaily emergency, maybe that family emergency has been ongoing. Or maybe she is simply just busy.

Post # 22
Member
2161 posts
Buzzing bee

@NewYearsEve:  although, i agree its not a reason to ruin a friendship, I wasn’t planning on that


I think if you uninvite someone you are effectively ending the relationship.  I would never be friends with someone who uninvited me because I had a family emergency (and possibly a 2nd issue, that no one ever called to see if I was ok when I didn’t show).

I think the fact that people like me, who don’t care about showers and bachelorettes, is a testiment to the level of caring we/I have for the guest of honour.  I don’t care about the events, but I go because I care deeply for the person. 

I do stand by that no one cares about your pre- wedding events as much as you do.  You will remember details from the shower that no one else will.  It is your shower, but just one of 100 showers each person will be a guest at.

 

Post # 24
Member
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

She sounds like a flake, but it would be extremely rude to uninvite her now. You sent her a wedding invitation and she RSVP’d. Even though you didn’t get the physical RSVP, you called her and she confirmed over the phone that she is coming. You can’t exactly say “Nope sorry you can’t come” after that. If you really do not think she is going to show, then put your money where your mouth is (per say) and don’t order her or her guest a plate. But of course then if she does show, you’ll look pretty bad. If I were you, I’d just consider her coming even if her word isn’t worth much.

I think it’s really sucky of her to say she’s coming to all this stuff and not show, and it will be very rude if she doesn’t show at your wedding too, but you should take the high road. Unfortunately, you need to be prepared that people will RSVP and not show and the money you spent on their plate will go down the drain. Happens at every wedding.

Post # 25
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

A good caterer should have enough food for a few more people.  I wouldn’t pay for meals for her +1, and if she shows up, just put them at a table that has room.

Post # 26
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

my best friend just got married and had the same thing happen.

one of her close friends from hs was a no show for shower and bachelorette party even though she said she was going to both.

however; she did show up to the wedding and apologized for being such a crappy friend. she’s been having a tough time yadda yadda yadda. i don’t really care what the excuse is, it’s rude to behave that way.

buuuuut my friend is happy that she didn’t rescind the invitation. it was nice to have here there, even though their friendship took a pretty big blow.

Post # 27
Member
719 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I would call and leave a polite message like: “Hi, how’ve you been, I missed you at my bachelorette party! Anyway I’ll keep this short, just wondering if you can attend the wedding or not, I’m collecting RSVPs now. If you can, great, give me a call back before (date) and if not then I’ll miss you but I understand if you’re busy.”

Post # 30
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee

@NewYearsEve:  I’d try one last time to talk to her and then nix her.

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