(Closed) Uninvited a to be sister in law as a bmaid

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3099 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

this person is going to be in your life forever. i understand that you’re hurt, but it is a huge insult to ask her to step down and we all know two wrongs don’t make a right.

that said, just because she’s a bridesmaid does not mean you need to include her in everything. she doesn’t need to come dress shopping, get a say in the bmaid dress, etc.

i’m sorry- i hate feeling excluded. she’s mean and petty- don’t be like her.

Post # 4
Member
11273 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i agree with your mother and aunts, once you extend an invite, you cannot take it back.  hopefully she respectfully declines…soon.   does she have her dress for your wedding already??  if yes, she’s not going anywhere.

Post # 5
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Agree with PPs, you can’t uninvite her. Just be the bigger person. 

Post # 6
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d kick her to crub and not bat an eye. She sounds like a real beyotch. But I can’t deny that it would be against the ettitque rules to do so. I think giving her an out is the best course of action.

Post # 7
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Why not just speak to her, at this point the damage is done. I would pull her aside and say that your feeling are hurt that you weren’t asked to be included in her wedding. Also mention that you feel she isn’t very itnerested in being in yours.

Post # 9
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@JrzyGurl:  This.

But I would not uninvited her.  I don’t think she’s done anything wrong.

Post # 10
Member
12956 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You can’t uninvite her like this.  You asked her, and now you have to deal with it.  She’ll be around for a long time, and this will just cause more and more drama.

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with some of the PPs who said that it’s kind of rude to uninvite her now. I understand that you’re very upset, but be the bigger person. You are going to be in each other’s lives for a very long time, and it’s not great to get started on the wrong foot. In the end, she’s going to look like the mean jerk who didn’t have you in her wedding to everyone else.

Post # 12
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@portermuse:  So she is not returning calls or helping? She needs a “I know you are a bride now so if you want you can leave my wedding party” call.

Her being a bad Bridesmaid or Best Man to you is NOT FAIR to your other bridal party members.

Post # 13
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I may get some crap for saying this but..

If you really don’t want her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man then, tell her so. I know it may not be the “polite” or proper thing to do, but it is your wedding and if she is upsetting you that much/you really don’t want her.. nobody can force you. I’ve had to make several changes to my bridal party (no i’m not a bridezilla but we reduced our bridal party size, and I had one girl who was really flakey… as in would commit to stuff and not show up).. If that’s how she is being, you don’t want to have to stress/worry about whether or not she’ll flake for the wedding.

I say, do what you need to do.
ETA: but that being said, if you do kick her to the curb, make sure you are prepared for the consequences since she will be part of your life forever… you know?

Post # 14
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Could you possibly send a very sweet and polite note along the lines of, “Now that you’re engaged I know how busy you’re going to be in the months ahead.  Would it be easier if you weren’t a bridesmaid in my wedding?  I adore you but since I personally know how much work goes into planning a wedding and I’d rather not add stress in your life.”

 

Post # 16
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@portermuse:  So even though she thinks you are a sore loser she still wants to be a BM? This same girl who does not show up any longer shows up to wedding events?

 Your Maid/Matron of Honor needs to tell her then that she has a duty to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and as she expects HER bridal party to be helpful she needs to be as well or she can bow out.

She needs one more time to not pull her weight or she needs to be old to leave. I guess I’m mean but I have a low tolerance for BS.

 

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