Uninvited Bridesmaid

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
11970 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I also wonder if this could be a case of belatedly asking herself if it was a good idea since OP’s and her Boyfriend or Best Friend are not in a committed relationship. Or someone in the family, including Boyfriend or Best Friend, could have said something to her along those lines.

That would have been understandable had she never asked in the first place, but this is rude. 

I certainly hope it is not to do with something as petty as even sides. 

I’d decline any other role or involvement. 

Post # 32
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

I can’t understand why she’d take a step that is usually considered rude, extreme, & hurtful unless there are extenuating circumstances. Even if she asked impulsively, this was many months ago, surely someone who spome on impulse and regretted it would have either just sucked it up and included OP or would have dealt with it before now. So I’m wondering if something has happened btw OP and the bride? OP and her SO that is making the bride hesitate to include her? What reasons did the bride give? Did they seem valid or weak excuses? 

OP, how did your SO react to you being told you’re no longer a bridesmaid? I would think a partner would be confused and then angry if this came out of the blue and you had done nothing wrong…..but you say he knew for a week beforehand but didn’t tell you? does he seem okay with it or is he upset with his FSIL/has spoken to his brother etc? 

She may in fact simply be a rude insensitive brat uncaring of people’s feelings and there’s nothing more to it- but it’s odd she’d take the drastic move of telling you you’re no longer in the wedding party unless something major is going on. And I’d seriously, seriously side-eye an SO who put up with you being treated like that/ 

Post # 33
27 posts
  • Wedding: April 2018

Attend the wedding as a guest.

Post # 34
167 posts
Blushing bee

Still curious what reasons she gave for revoking the invitation?

Post # 35
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Tell her that what she did is rude and inconsiderate, and that there is no excuse for delivering the message via text. Attend only as a guest.


Post # 36
5951 posts
Bee Keeper

I would definitely not do anything to help with the wedding, super nervy of her to even ask. 

As to whether or not I even attended the wedding, this would depend on my SO’s reaction to all of this.

I would not expect him to boycott his own brother’s wedding nor to drop out of the wedding party himself, especially as this seems to be the bride’s doing, not his brother’s- but I would hope he would have expressed surprise and dismay at his girlfriend being ‘un-invited’ and would have spoken to his brother and the bride and told them he’s upset and angry over the treatment of his girlfriend. 

If SO took a shoulder shrugging, oh well NBD, and went on his merry wedding-party way with a spring in his step while his girlfriend was treated hurtfully and rudely, then I’d have a bigger problem with SO than the bride- either he’s shared with his brother and the bride that this may not be a long term relationship and hence her second thoughts, or else he’s the kind of partner that looks out for himself but doesn’t have enough loyalty to have his girlfriend’s back.  

Some Bees may say ‘attend as a guest, if you and your SO get married, she could be your FSIL’ but to me this is entirely the point. If you paste on a smile and go to the wedding or, worse, still help her out with wedding tasks, then she’s learning she can treat you like dirt and you’ll still paste on a smile and not make waves. IMO I’d rather the bride know she can’t behave appallingly without repercussions. 

Post # 37
29 posts
  • Wedding: February 2019

This is awful. You should probably go to her wedding as a guest not for her but for your boyfriend’s brother. 🙂

Post # 38
103 posts
Blushing bee

shocking, I would go as a guest, not do any of the special little tasks she has so cheekingly asked of you and I would possibly tell her how hurt you were!!

Can’t believe how cheeky!! Might be incredibly embarrassing for your SO too, I’d be mortified if I was in his shoes so unless he has had some part in it all go easy on him (like I said UNLESS HE HAS HAD SOME PART IN IT ALL…otherwise he would be getting a tongue lashing)

Post # 39
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Go as a guest, but don’t be her slave to doing the planning of other wedding tasks. 

Post # 40
93 posts
Worker bee

As others have said, go as a guest and nothing more. The Bride was incredibly rude to uninvite you. When I was planning my wedding, my wedding party was larger than I wanted it to be, but I never uninvited anyone. I had asked each person to be in the wedding party for a specific reason, and to take that away from them would have been cruel. As others have said, what’s she’s offered in its place is just an opportunity to use you. Just wondering, have you spoken to the Bride about how you’re feeling about all of this? 

Post # 41
144 posts
Blushing bee

OP, I am so sorry this happened to you. I can imagine the hurt and shock would be awful. As others have said, at this point, you attend the wedding as a guest. Do not let her compound the rudeness of uninviting you, by doing tasks for her after this has happened.  I am sorry about this, and would just encourage you, that there are many other nicer people in the world, and I hope that you will find yourself surrounded by them soon. 



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