Post # 1
Only 45 days left until my wedding and I’ve encountered my first bit of family drama…I guess I should consider myself lucky this is the first (and hopefully only) instance. Sorry if this is kind of jumbled, I am trying to keep it shorter than the whole long story that it is…
My fiance and I decided when making the guest list only people who were married or had a fiance/very long term signicant other could bring a guest because we are limited on space/money.
At my bridal shower my little cousin (21 yrs old) mentioned that she received a promise ring (from a guy I’ve seen in passing and my fiance has never met). I didn’t really think much of it because I have a few cousins younger than her who have received promise rings from boys that have come and gone.
In the meantime I sent out invites for her/her parents/ her brothers and did not include her boyfriend. My mom said it would be nice, but I reminded her of my rule and on top that, I don’t even know the guy!
Well jump to a few days ago, I still had not received a RSVP for her and her family…come to find out her mom had the invitation and hadn’t told her that her boyfriend wasn’t invited. In the meantime they have decided to get engaged and she is apparently “crushed” that he isn’t invited.
If that’s all there was to the story I might have called her up and said bring him, BUT I found out she wants to get married ASAP (like in a month or two…mind you my wedding is in 45 days) AND she was talking about asking her little brother to not come so her fiance could come in his place. That made me mad and now I want to say he can’t come just based on principle.
So now I’m torn…I said no guests unless they were engaged…but now they are engaged (and we do have some room now), but I have a feeling that her mom was just going to let her bring him unannounced or “swap out” one of my cousins for her bf. All of this information I heard from another (reliable) family member, so my cousin actually hasn’t said anything to me. My family member told her she just needs to call me and talk about it, but I’ve heard nothing.
So the million dollar question…
Do I call and invite this new “fiance”
Wait for her to call me and then invite?
Not invite the guy…..
Post # 3
Girl can survive without her boyfriend for a night, seriously.
They weren’t engaged when you invited the family so I think you’re totally in the right for wanting to still not invite him.
Post # 4
They’re engaged now, so he should be invited IMO. When they plan their wedding should have nothing to do with whether or not you invite him.
Post # 5
invite him – its only one more person and it makes everyone happy and your life less stressful.
be the bigger person and avoid the drama
Post # 6
@totheislnds: I agree 100%. You have room, they are engaged, be the bigger person and call her up and invite him.
Post # 7
They are engaged, he should be included. You shouldn’t punish him for a rumor that he might have shown up in someone else’s place.
Post # 8
You have never met him… It is what it is. You made that rule about the guest list and you followed it. Just because they decided to get engaged doesnt mean you change around everything now. Also she doesnt need to spend every waking moment with him if she wants to come to your wedding she can go with the family, she doesnt need to go with her bf.
Post # 9
In the long run it’s not really going to matter if he comes, and you probably won’t even remember his face if he is there, so I’d go ahead and invite him if you have the room. It would make your cousin happy, and her family, and if it’s not going to put you out any, it would be worth it to avoid any extra drama. 🙂
Post # 10
You should invite him and when you let them know, let them know that his invitation is late b/c they weren’t engaged b4 and now you consider him “almost family.”
Post # 11
I agree with others, is it really worth the drama???
Post # 12
The situation sucks, but I agree that since they are engaged, he should be invited. I wouldn’t want to go to a cousin’s wedding without my fiance, regardless of when we got engaged. Her wedding planning shouldn’t have anything to do with yours, and your family should be able to recognize that yours was being planned first, etc. (If it comes down to some not being able to go to both b/c of traveling or whatever). I think to avoid drama, you should bite the bullet and invite him. Weddings aren’t the time or place to “make a point” and especially if you have the room now. Just my opinion 🙂
Post # 13
Yea you can call and say that you didnt realize the two of them were serious when you did the invites and in general to save space and money you were only inviting serious significant others. Then say sorry you didn’t realize and that he can come. Getting caught up in family gossip and letting it affect your emotions can be toxic to situations
Post # 14
@Cmt83: I completely agree. IMO, I think the drama it would cause just wouldn’t be worth keeping him from being there.
Post # 15
Eh, I’d just let him come since you say you have room.. it’s really not worth the extra drama this close to your big day.. you have enough on your mind, this is not a big deal. I do think it’s kinda crummy that their wedding is going to be pretty close to yours if it goes as planned, but.. it is what it is.
Post # 16
I completely agree with everything everyone has said so far. I definitely don’t think you have done anything wrong in this situation since you had understandable guidelines in place and just followed through with them. But now, since they’re engaged and you have the space, I think you should extend an invitation to him. Definitely not worth the drama to wait for her to contact you or not invite the guy.