(Closed) Uninvited guests-

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

eek! that sounds very annoying 🙁 

i don’t think you can have security not let people in, I think it will just create drama – if a family brings their 2-year-old and isn’t on the list then really the whole family would leave.

not sure what you can do though 🙁 

Post # 4
Member
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i was gonna say have a bouncer… but you have to realize if a kids name is not on the list the whole family wont be able to come in…. i think having a check in for adults would be okay…

Post # 5
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it’s too much to have security as long as everyone knows beforehand that their kids aren’t invited.

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Some of my DH’s family rsvp’d correctly but somehow we ended up with 8 children (at our no kids wedding) and 2 adults who we didn’t know and didn’t bring a gift. It made me hate him for about a year, since he knew ahead of time they were doing this and didn’t stop it. So I know exactly how you feel. 

We had no fore warning, so I just saw them at the wedding. If I had known ahead of time, I would have had a bouncer, kids or not.

Post # 7
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 1997

@MrsChefman: If I was you, I would send out confirmation cards. Handwritten or on your computer, nothing fancy. For each household confirm the names of the people that you are allowing to attend your wedding. Then add a nice line that says “We are so pleased that so many family and friends want to come to our wedding. However due to space restrictions we can not accommodate everyone. We hope you understand that we want a small intimate wedding that has only our closest family and friends. If your name is not on the list please feel free to come visit us after the wedding. We would love to see you on your vacation.” It is direct and it is not the most eloquent of words I know. However, you do not want anyone showing up that is not invited. Upset people can and often do cause problems.  

Post # 8
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@RevMic:  Thats a good idea.

Situations like this are tough. But you just have to put your foot down. Tell them the venue has a strict policy on guest limits. Say if your even 3 people over the limit your wedding will get shut down. I was at a wedding where this happend, the venue manager complained to the bride that she was well over the limit and it was kick people out or he shut it down! When it becomes a safety and fire hazard…people listen!! Hopefully your guests will understand. Did you specify on the invite that it was a adult only reception?

 

Post # 9
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If these people are truly not invited, and are not the significant other of an invitee, the you have every right to call those who RSVPed for extras and say you cannot accommodate these extras.  Just be polite but firm.  Hope that helps!

Post # 10
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What is wrong with people?! I just don’t get how people do this kind of thing! Hang in there, and if uninvited guests attend…send them a bill! (haha just kidding…well, kind of 😉

Post # 11
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsChefman:  Oh my god! The same thing is happening to me, except people started inviting themselves before the invitations even went out! What’s worse is my Future Mother-In-Law is talking about it with family members who we’re not inviting. So basically, she’s inviting people and telling them they can bring guests! Our venue sits 90 people comfortably. We originally wanted to have 75 max, now we’re over 100. Not to mention that it’s $125 per person! I totally feel your pain. When you’ve figured out the best way to let people know they can’t come, please share. Its just annoying how people are perfectly fine with hijacking someone’s wedding and turning it into a family reunion/vacation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we have family who care enough to make the trip and celebrate with us, but when you begin taking over my fiancé and my big day, we’re gonna have problems! Just sayin’. 

Post # 11
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsChefman:  Oh my god! The same thing is happening to me, except people started inviting themselves before the invitations even went out! What’s worse is my Future Mother-In-Law is talking about it with family members who we’re not inviting. So basically, she’s inviting people and telling them they can bring guests! Our venue sits 90 people comfortably. We originally wanted to have 75 max, now we’re over 100. Not to mention that it’s $125 per person! I totally feel your pain. When you’ve figured out the best way to let people know they can’t come, please share. Its just annoying how people are perfectly fine with hijacking someone’s wedding and turning it into a family reunion/vacation. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we have family who care enough to make the trip and celebrate with us, but when you begin taking over my fiancé and my big day, we’re gonna have problems! Just sayin’. 

Post # 12
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Mmmmaria:  yep, this is happening to me. family from across the country saying things like, “Can’t wait for the wedding” when we didn’t even send them a save-the-date, they found out from another relative.

and word going around that we invited some of the family, and not the rest. We haven’t officially invited anybody, except our immediate families and attendants, because the invitations haven’t gone out yet.

sheesh. weddings make everyone go a little weird, not just brides!

Post # 13
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

be firm, and tell people who have invited extras (including your uncle, cos if you give in to one you will give in to more, and it is unfair for the rest of the family) that those extras were not invited by you, they are not allowed to come to your wedding. They shouldn’t be doing that and they shouldn’t get away with it.

Post # 14
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Mmmmaria: Feel your pain, dealing with the same thing!  I don’t understand why people think it’s normal to invite themselves to a wedding. I was just told that a distant relative living in another country called and asked my parents when the wedding is so they can put in their time off for work.  This was before invitations event went out.  My dad is also talking to people about the wedding and is still not happy that he “only” gets 30 invites (of just his friends, not counting our family friends that I would like in attendance anyway). We are getting seriously close to having a capacity issue with our venue. 

I will definitely be firm in addressing those who add extra guests who were not invited, but I’m curious how others dealt with parents who are being unreasonable with their headcounts.  My dad keeps saying plenty of his guests won’t come, but they all live in the city our wedding will be held in and I don’t see them missing a formal wedding with an open bar.   

Post # 15
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

What is they layout of the party place?  Is food in one place, drinksi n another?  Then if that’s the case you could say those who were invited can go through to the food.  Those who weren’t invitied can go to the bar.  I would also take this up with the people who invitied extra with no consideration whatsoever for your budget or space and tell them if they feel so large inviting people to your wedding, they won’t mind contributing to the cost of the day.

 

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