Post # 1
I just don’t get this. Good grad school friend today emails me about my summer wedding. Inquires about him attending with his wife and yet-to-be born child (yes, an unborn child, a fetus, who will be a month old on my wedding day). I called him back to explain that he and his wife were invited but that my father had decided no children other than my first cousins and my fiance’s first cousins who are in middle school and high school. He seemed annoyed by my response and hinted that I was uppity. I’m sorry, but our budget does not allow for your infant to attend and don’t babies go to bed at 7 p.m. (start of ceremony) anyway?
Received a second email–this time via facebook–from a former close friend inqiring about wedding details. Where I work, we do not have access to the internet let alone Facebook, and my friend knows this, so I’m not sure why she could not send this message to my email. I also felt like she was hinting around if she was a bridesmaid (she is not; I was in her wedding 5 years ago but we aren’t that close since I moved). She wanted to know if there was a kid’s rate at the hotel. When I explained to her that only she and her husband were invited, she FLIPPED out. Ugh.
How do you all handle this? Half our wedding party has small children and none of them seemed off put to leave the kids at home. How do you address kids under 3 and even yet to be born children without ruining friendships? I love kids but I would never assume mine were invited to a very formal evening wedding. Any suggestions? I thought leaving their names off the invitation would indicate this. Apparently, according to my friend in scenario #2, my fiance and I and our parents are “etiquette snobs” and “uppity”. I do not even want to deal with people like this!
Post # 3
We are not having ANY guests under the age of 12 (even my Fiance nephew who will be 1 1/2). When people asked about it, we very diplomatically told them that this is an adult event (and basically indicated that it wasn’t up for discussion by our tone of voice). You could always add something about how you are really looking forward to seeing them (the adults) at the wedding, but you understand if they are unable to come due to their parental obligations.
Post # 4
I had a friend who noted “Adults only reception” on their invitation which I thought was perfect. Most recently, this past weekend, another friend apparently put “No children allowed” on the BACK of her invitation. My mom didn’t see it (who was my friend’s JP) didn’t see it and brought my 11 year old niece- who lives with my Mom.
My friend got upset because apparently somehow my niece wound up in her ceremony pictures. I guess she was taking pictures of the ceremony.. My friend sent my mom an email saying she was none too please, it was unacceptable and my niece ruined ALL of her pictures. They had to redo the ceremony to get new pics. My mom thought my niece had moved, she asked her to then I am sure got all caught up in the ceremony. I am sure it was a mess. I didn’t witness anything because I was unable to attend. But man. I can understand her being upset, but she should have approached the no kids thing a little better.. the BACK of the invitation? I never look at the back of an invitation.
You reserve the right to say no kids or yes kids. They have the right to be upset about it, especially if it wasn’t mentioned or spread by word of mouth. In my case, I am not putting no kids on invitations. If they want to bring their kids then that’s fine. I have 9 nieces and nephews so it would be impossible for me to say no kids. I have had a few people say they won’t bring their kids unless they can’t find a sitter. I have some family members that I KNOW will bring their kids, while others that won’t. If they are a baby, I am not counting them in my headcount. There is no reason to. THey aren’t eating dinner and not using a chair. My venue charges a discounted price for kids 9 and under so that helps as well.
Anyway, you have the right to not allow children, you are spending a fortune to share your day with these people. They should respect your wishes and if they can’t then they should stay home! Sorry.. that’s a little harsh. 🙂