(Closed) Uninvited Guests

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1416 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Eee that is tough! It is INCREDIBLY rude on her part to add FOUR people (not even just “oh I assumed my husband could come” but FOUR people??? When you gave her 2 seats???). I don’t know what to say because she IS his boss but…holy crap that’s just straight up rude. I can’t even imagine…honestly how much is his job worth to him? Lol. (juuust kidding….kinda)

Post # 4
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

As awkward as it is, I think you should say something.  I don’t understand why YOU now have to be put in the bind because of someone eles’s bad ettiquette.  This though does not mean you have to be rude in anyway. You can politely tell her that unfortunatly, if the names were not on the invitation you can not guarantee them a seat at this time.  Let her know you have to make sure that others that were personally invited have a chance to choose to attend or not.  And if you’re ok with allowing her to bring the other 4 people (still can’t believe she invited 4!) let her bring them if theres room at the end.  This way she gets the hint that she may have been out of line, but you seem to be very accomodating at the same time.  But, on the other hand, even if there is room and you don’t want 4 strangers at your wedding then I would just tell her you would like to keep the guest list for those that you and your Fiance know personaly.  


I am  serioulsy dreading this part for myself….. =(

Post # 5
46421 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If I were you, I would handle this one so he doesn’t have to deal with his boss.

I would phone her and simply say to her the same as you would to anyone else.

“I am so gald that you and ____ are able to attend FI’s wedding. He will be pleased to have you there. Unfortunately, we will not be able to accomodate the extra guests. Our venue just doesn’t allow us to add extra guests.  We have already had to limit invityations to family and friends.We look forward to seeing you and ___ at the wedding.”

Don’t use budget as an excuse, as this type of person will often volunteer to pay for the extra plates.

Post # 6
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Say something. This isn’t a time when people can bring uninvited guests. Really it is her poor etiquette for thinking that she can extend an invitation to your wedding.

I would say something like, “Oh, I received your response card and we’re so glad that you can make it to the wedding; however, it must have been unclear that the invitation is only for you and your husband.” (Although it seems pretty cut and dry that if your name isn’t on the invitation you’re not invited.)

Post # 7
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Holy cow what is with people inviting people to other people’s weddings??? I mean I wouldn’t invite one person on an RSVP that wasn’t on the envelope, let alone four. I agree that you should handle it since it might be tricky for your fiancé since it is his boss. I think you should handle it sweetly and the same way you would any other guest, like julies1949 recommended. I wouldn’t necessarily give preferential treatment just because it’s your fiance’s boss, but I might be extra sweet. Do you know the four people?

Post # 9
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@julies1949:  Seriously, people offer to PAY?! What is it with people? They’ve never been offered the chance to eat a chicken dinner in a hotel and it’s just too good to pass up?? Sheesh. 

OP, don’t think of it as being rude (I mean, it is, but)–there are people out there that just get excited and think of a wedding as a celebration that should be shared with everyone. Not condoning what she did, but I think the phone call will go over better if you think of it as a faux pas she committed out of enthusiasm. It’ll set you up with the right generosity of spirit for when you tell her no!

Post # 12
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would tell Fi exactly what to say:


“I’m sorry our venue only allows a certain amount of pepole and unfortunetly we are at capacity and cannot include blah blah blah and blah. I hope you udnerstand”


I’d stand my ground and EFF that shit.

Post # 16
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Texaslexis:  I might be kind and let her choose the person to bring if she doesn’t want to bring her husband (how weird is that?), but that’s about it. 

We had a lot of people have out of town guests our wedding weekend, and they just politely told us they couldn’t make it – none added any more.  (Ok, one joked but it was *clearly* a joke, and he’s graduating that day.)  Upon learning of house guests we immediately extended an invitation for all to come to the rehearsal dinner (it’s a bbq at my parents house otherwise this wouldn’t work).  So we’ve got about 25 people attending the wedding but not the rehearsal, and 25 attending the bbq but not the wedding.  🙂

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