Post # 1
Does anyone else live in an area where people feel like they don’t have to be invited to your wedding and can still attend? Or do you have invited guests who refuse to RSVP because you’re supposed to know they’re coming?
Am I the only one having this problem?
The FH and I live in a small college town where my fiance is from and where we both went to school. I’m a well-known athlete around town and he’s very well-know as well. As our wedding approaches everyone feels like they’re invited when that’s clearly not the case. But, in this town people do this all the time–just show up to people’s wedding. To add insult to injury they come empty handed, eat and drink all they want then complain because there wasn’t enough food and drinks for everyone in attendance. Well, when you invite 75 and 275 show up, of course there’s not enough to go around.
On the other side, we have guest we invited who refuse to RSVP because they feel like they’re too good to RSVP. They don’t respect the fact that we need an accurate head count for the caterer or that we are trying to do a seating chart. Not only that, but these aren’t even close family and friends. To top it all off, we’re having a New Year’s Eve wedding and it’s hard to know for sure who will show or who will be in church or in the bar that night.
I’m so frustrated I just had to vent.
Post # 3
It’s probably too late for this, but…the solution for your problem would be to have assigned seats! People show up and don’t have a seat cuz they weren’t invited? oops, too bad. People don’t rsvp? Well, after contacting them a couple times, then you can send a final email/voice mail that says something like, “Since we are having assigned seating, we do need to know your rsvp. Since I haven’t heard back from you yet, I’m going to have to assume that you’re not coming, and there won’t be a seat for you unless I hear back from you in the next 24 hours.”
Well regardless, we do need to have some confrontation with people while planning a wedding! When people who aren’t invited mention things in front of you, don’t hesitate to say something like, “unfortunately, we’re not going to be able to invite as many people as we wanted to the wedding, but we’d love to get together with you once we’re married and settled down!”
But, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Just remember…you’re not the only one! It happens to all of us! 🙂
Post # 4
I agree with having assigned seats – assigned tables at the very least. A guest shows up uninvited, hopefully they’ll catch on when they don’t find their name on the seating chart or a little card with their table number.
As far as those that don’t RSVP, you really need to call and/or email (have your family/FI help). If you’ve attempted to make contact and they’re still not RSVP’ing, then politely let them know that you’re sorry they will be unable to join you on your wedding day.
Post # 5
Also, make sure to have someone that can be the “bad guy” and tell people there isn’t any room. You don’t want to be the bouncer at your own wedding. (make sure they aren’t afraid to be mean. For instance, all 5’3″ of me would body check someone before I let them in. My DH hate confrontation and if the other person even looked at him funny, he’d let them in)
Also, maybe you could spread the word that you’ll be at XYZ restaurant for breakfast the next morning if people would like to wish you well.
Post # 6
Thank you all so much for the help! We plan to have assigned seating, but I honestly don’t know if that will stop people around here from showing up. It sucks because my fiance and I are so loved by everyone around here (lol), but we just don’t have the resources to have a large wedding, especially because we are paying for everything ourselves.
As far as the “bad guy” we don’t have a person invited who is capable. Everyone on both sides is too darn friendly. They all have that “the more the merrier” attitude, but no one has opened up their check books to help with cost yet.
Post # 7
there was a four weddings episode where someone announced if you didnt rsvp or if you rspv’d decline and showed up please sit outside during the reception – totally cringe worthy but yeah i was giving them a big old high five for that
Post # 8
If you’re seriously worried about it (and can’t do assigned seating/worry people will ignore it and steal invited guests’ spots), hire a bouncer, basically. Someone who can verify that they are on the guest list. It’s pretty hardcore, but it’s also beyond rude to show up to someone’s wedding univited.
The idea of doing breakfast or brunch at a restaurant at a later point is a good idea too.
Post # 9
@eloping: lol I saw that episode and was so sad when the old lady had to go sit outside. lol
Post # 10
ask the venue if there is an optional security. give them a list of people, and OLNY those people are allowed in. Alot of places offer that, I know all 5’1 of me has played secuirty at a few weddings to prevent wedding crashers.