(Closed) Uninvited guests! DRAMA. Help!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

are you using a doc? if not, does your venue come with one? if so, i think your doc can figure out a way to not let these people in. 100 guests seems pretty reasonable to keep track of. i don’t know how people can be so rude as to crash someone’s wedding! if it were me and they showed up, i would simply tell them to make a u-turn.

Post # 4
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Really, what planet are these people living on? This isn’t a frat party, it’s a wedding! Anyone worth their salt knows that it’s not an event where: (A) you bring as many guests as you want; or (B) you attend without an explicit invitation. I agree with ladybuglove — I’d make a plan to turn anyone away who is not on your guest list.

But first, I’d try to grab the bull by the horns and prevent this from happening in the first place. Presumably the friends that you’ve invited are close enough to you that you can speak to them about what you’ve heard. Explain the situation, but don’t apologize for it. They should be apologizing to you!

If you don’t want to single out any of the offenders, contact all of your guests prior to the wedding (easy to do if you’re able to communicate to all by email), give them last minute details, tell them how happy you are to share your big day with everyone, and slide in mention of the fact that attendance is by invitation only.

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oh goodness. At my wedding, instead of having a table chart or having the escort cards laying out to tell you where to go, the DOC had an alphabetical list of everyone who the invitation went to and whether or not they had a guest (as in ONE guest, their wife, their friend, etc) and she told them where to go. Anyone who was not invited was simply not allowed to be there!

Why would you go to someone’s wedding you don’t even talk to?!?!? Ugh these people make me soooo mad. You might have to really consider having someone be table police basically.  

Post # 6
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Seriously?  Why do people think they can just come to a wedding without being invited?!? Its not a birthday party its a wedding!!!  You should put someone in charge of calling people that RSVP with more than intended and letting them know you are on a strict guest count and unfortunatley they can not bring someone who was not invited.

Post # 7
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

As everyone else has said, I can’t believe that these people have the nerve to assume they can bring extra guests. Grrr.

But yeah, I would try to prevent this from happening at all costs before the big day. Call or e-mail these people (whatever you’re comfortable with) and tell them nicely but firmly there’s limited seating at the venue, and extra guests will not be accomodated. Make it clear that if extra guests show up, they’ll be asked to leave at the door. Just say that as much as you’d love to invite everyone, there’s simply not room.

Post # 8
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I can’t believe the nerve of some people?!  Who would do that to someone at their wedding?!

I think Million’s suggestions are good.  I’d take initiative and talk to your friends directly, explaining that your guest list was predetermined for a reason (budget, space, etc) and that you simply can’t accomodate extra guests.  You may want to follow up with the people who you think may bring extra guests, reminding them of your constraints and that you won’t be able to accomodate anyone who was not officially invited.

Good luck with all this!  Like you need one more thing to stress you out! 

Post # 9
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree that you should take charge of this situation now and nip this nonsense in the bud. I’m really shocked that people actually think this is acceptable behavior! How old are these people? Jeez. Anyway, I think you should assign someone else the task of getting in touch with the people who haven’t RSVP’d and those who may have RSVP’d with additional guests they aren’t allowed and gently but FIRMLY let everyone know what the deal is. Then, if people just show up – hey, they’ve been warned, and you can have either a DOC or someone in the wedding party keep an alphabetized list of guests at the door and refuse entry to anyone that isn’t on it. This is your wedding, not a frat party. 

Post # 10
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It shocks me every time I hear about something like this! The other day I was in my apt. building parking lot and I heard a girl talking on her cell phone. She literally said, "Yeah, so I didn’t get an invite to the wedding, not even a facebook invite like so-and-so did, but I’m going to show up to the reception anyways." It took all of my self restraint not to run over and shake her.

Is your RSVP date coming up soon? Maybe you could prempt their inflated rsvp cards and call/email them to inquire if they’re coming and mention that they do NOT have a +3. If they are your FH’s friends, have him call them directly so they don’t do it just to spite you. Hopefully they will respect his wishes as a friend. But I agree. Hopefully you and your fiance can nip this in the bud! Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

wow the nerve! at least you know you’re or your husband is loved!

Post # 12
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with SpinningJenny.  If these are people who seem to be friends with Fiance, I think he should call them.  It sounds like it would be a rather easy call, since conveniently, these are the same peole who haven’t rsvp’d yet.  He can try to get their response and gently remind them not to invite extras, as they will be turned down at the door.

Post # 13
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We had a few uninvited guests to my daughters wedding which was a destination 12 hours from home!  They were related to the grooms family and his mother kept saying what are you going to do if extra people show up.    I was shocked at the thought.  How could people be so rude.  Well the best thing to do is not let it spoil your day.  Make your wedding planner or event coordinator aware of the problem and she’ll handle it.  It turned out fine. 

Post # 14
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

 I agree with ejs4y8- you simply need to post someone at the door with an approved list and turn away those not on it.  I would also find a way to spread this announcemnt around, so no one is completely taken by surprise on the day of your wedding.  If you have a wesbite or something, I’d put up a little posting warning everyone of what you’re planning to do.  Hopefully that’ll take care of it.

Post # 15
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’m always amazed by these posts.  I just can’t believe people go to weddings they are not invited to knowing that there is an rsvp process.  

Post # 16
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

how the heck does someone just show up at a reception without an invite and think thats ok… in any language/culture/country!!!

rude rude rude….   i love ejs4y8 DOC! show the un-invited where the door is!

yikes, i still cant get over how rude

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