(Closed) Uninvited guests (or non-RSVPing guests)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Aug2012bride: For guests who you don’t hear from after the RSVP deadline, you can call them all and ask for an RSVP answer.

As for extras showing up day of, I didn’t have any of those. Are you going to have  DOC? They should handle any “uninvited guests”.

Post # 5
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Same thing will happen at my wedding I’m sure of it. No DOC either. I have an awesome Maid/Matron of Honor who will kindly tell them the situation and let them know they can join for the ceremony but the reception wont have a seat for them.

Post # 7
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Aug2012bride: who is in charge of the setup/tear down at your venue?  I’d have them figure it out (not you!).  Also – there are likely to be a handful of no-shows and people can figure it out.

My venue messed up one of the table setups and didn’t have enough chairs for the people at that table.  I have no idea how it ended up getting resolved – but it did – and everything was fine.  We didn’t have any univited guests.

 

Post # 8
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Aug2012bride: I did! I had 2 people show up who were uninvited. We had 40 free seats from those who had RSVPed yes and nevedr showed so we had the room. I just smiled and thanked them for coming. I was soo happy to be married hahaa.

Have someone at the door with a list of those who can come in. If someone uninvited shows up just say “I’m sorry but I don’t see your name ont he list. Do you mind waiting to see if a seat opens up?

It happens. People forget. My dear friend had an aunt who never RsVPed fly from Ohio to Virginia to her wedding. I had a man drive 15 hours to ours. We didnt know he wanted to come! He drove and we welcomed him.

Everything will work out!!

Post # 9
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have this evil awful thought for my own wedding. In this area it isn’t uncommon for people to not RSVP and show. Heck in this area it isn’t uncommon for people to show up uninvited. So my evil plan is that those that don’t rsvp or show up uninvited will have to drag over a picnic table from the park’s pavillion and not get a comfy seat with real linen like everyone else. I will still welcome them with open arms but I refuse to lay up at nights worry about this. Do I have enough chairs, enough plates, enough napkins, etc. They are likely adults and can makeshift things for themselves. I will lay in a small stock of disposables. Am I completely off my rocker?

Post # 10
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

 

 @LuvMySailor:

40 people said yes and didn’t show? OMG! How many people did you invite! That just sounds so heartbreaking! I mean who does that?

 

I’m hearing a lot lately about people not RSVPing. I recently saw an articale that said a lot of people don’t RSVP because they feel they don’t need to, or just didn’t know what it meant. WTF?!

I think it’s one of those basic good mannerisms that seems to be lost on a lot of younger people.

 

Post # 11
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@secondchances:

LOL! I like it!

It’s not that hard to just pick up the phone, dial a number, yell “I AM COMING!” down the receiver and hang up, is it? Haha!

Seriously though, if people had any common sense they would realise that weddings cost money, and the bride and groom cater for the number of people they know are coming. It’s just good manners.

Of course there are always going to be the occasional hiccups where people really did forget due to one reason or another, but it isn’t hard work to say yay or nay to an invite.

Post # 12
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

A polite host simply prepares a seat for the guest.  The kitchen will always make more portions then are required so getting a meal shouldn’t be an issue.  The host is not required to fit the person onto the seating chart or produce escort cards.  The non responding guest should understand why they are not getting the same card as the others.

Post # 14
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve heard about this too, and I had a solution for it.

 

Basically, you have a guest list, and you have a deadline for a certain date (right?) SO, what I was thinking of doing is to call all the people who haven’t RSVPed back and double check. I know its a hassle BUT its better than having your budget go up in flames. 

Post # 15
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@BerryBerry: I was hurt but it worked out. We had a wonderful reception. There were a lot of empty chairs but the food was FABULOUS and the music was great. We lost over $2500 in food.

I had a guest list of 187 and on the daty of the wedding 130 showed up to the reception.

So, really there were 57 empty seats. I’m over it now because the day was perfect.

Post # 16
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

There’s really no way to control guests coming or not coming to the wedding. We had roughly 8 empty seats. At a wedding of 51, it was noticeable. Some RSVP’d yes and did not show. 

More awkwardly there were many children we had made room for and activities for that didn’t show last minute with no warning. Ok I guess but I was confused. my aunt in law decided last minute to leave them with their uncle nearby and pick them up after the wedding without letting us know. It was weird. I was genuinely missing them and concerned when they didn’t show, their mom and dad were pretty vague about the decision but I let it go. 

It’s rude. But I think that if people show up with no RSVP or don’t show up… you as the person getting married should not have to make last minute adjustments to your day to include them. If there’s no room they can stand or find an empty chair or the venue can help them. People who don’t RSVP shouldn’t expect a seat, a full dinner or even room to sit at the ceremony. :/ If they show up that’s really not your problem. 

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