Post # 1
So, my wedding is still 6 months or so away but living in Korea while planning a Los Angeles wedding has made me realize that when I visit in a few weeks I’ll have to deal with the wedding invites then.
Long story short, my Fiance & I are Korean-American. Our wedding budget is somewhere around 40k, 20k from us, 10k from each side. just on my side I have about 37 relatives and his side has about 10 max. We’re trying to plan a wedding for about 135 because we don’t want to go over budget but our parents want to invite 40+ each! My fiance and I are only inviting about 25 friends each including the bridal party & groomsmen.
I sorta feel like it’s getting out of control since a lot of these guests of our parents will likely leave right after finishing their meal. Our parents have suggested that we change venues to a cheaper one to accommodate the extra guests that they’ll have. I guess that’s what I’m really upset about. To me, I’d rather have a nicer wedding with the people that care about me & my Fiance than to have a cheaper wedding to accommodate people we have never met before. The money wouldn’t change much because of the extra # of guests.
Ugh stressed. So far, we have only 24 invites we can offer each of our parents but that’s only 12 couples. I’m afraid that they’re going to end up inviting 24 couples and those couples will bring their children and such. How would I deal with this without offending them?
Honestly all of this has made me think of just having a small destination wedding.
Post # 3
I think if your parents are chipping in for the wedding then they should have an input into who is invited. Maybe both sides can come up with a good number of couples you can agree is acceptable for each family to invite.
Post # 4
Boy do I hear you. But fortunately for me we just had my sisters wedding so my parents figured out already that we don’t need to invite everyone. I am ONLY sending invites to people who I think would actually come even if that means family is not invited. I don’t care if we share some blood. My dad wanted me to send invites to cousins I knew wouldn’t come and I told him no. They aren’t invited. I also looked at my parents list and if they had anyone on there who I have never met, I took them off.
Just tell your parents they have 24 invites. If they send you 25, you are going to randomly delete a couple. They can send a B list to you if they like and you’ll see if it will work.
Post # 5
I disagree with Caszos- It’s your wedding and why should your parents invite so many people. The most important people are YOUR friends and family. If there are left over spots (or if people say they aren’t coming), we are giving them to our parents friends, as we are semi-close with a few of thier friends. I really think though, that weddings are family and friends, not friends of family, affairs.
I think you should do what you are already envisioning, and do not go to a different venue to accomodate people who are not your friends or family. Even though they are giving you money, it’s sort of like a gift. If they are giving you money to help you pay, then idk why they should also tell you how to spend it.
Sorry if that’s harsh- I’m going through the same thing with Future Mother-In-Law. She told all these women she works with (that I nor Fiance even KNOW) about the wedding and they all assume they are invited. Then she hands me a list with their names and addresses. And I am avidly trying to avoid inviting them. Even if they payed for these people to be there, I do not want them there because they are not important to niether I nor Fiance.
Does that make any sense!?
Post # 6
It sounds to me like the invites are already evenly split according to financial contributions: after (I assume) the non-negotiable family, your parents are getting 25% of the invites per family, and you and your fiance are getting 50%, which matches the financial contribution.
It seems fair to me, then, to figure out what the per-person cost of additional invites is and tell your parents that if they want a greater number, they would need to contribute that amount extra per person. Just make sure that this figure includes all of the extra costs – for food and drink, but also an extra invitation, cake slice, an extra centerpiece for every 8 people (or whatever) etc.
However, reasonable may or may not have anything to do with your actual family dynamics. Good Luck!