(Closed) Uninvited Guests (rant)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

be strong, just say no

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Awe hun first off *HUGS*

I am sorry that you have to go through this – unfortunately it seems like a trend with many brides on these boards getting back to many RSVPs!

I think it is completely rude for your guests to do this to you and I totally get that it is very easy for me to tell you what to do while typing behind my computer but for you to actually do it is a totally different story!

It was really nice of your cousin to offer to help you out I would follow up with her to see if she actually would or maybe should could be in the room with you while you do it! I think it is really important to have your wedding your way – yes you have to pick your battles but if you really don’t want these people there you have to tell your aunt about space limitations/budget etc. I realize your parents are willing to pay for them and so some may respond to just allow them but I am worried that if you allow these first 3 extra people – what happens if you get 20 more additions over the other RSVPs – your parents probably will not want to pay for all of them!

I know it is hard but I think it will make you feel good to stand up for what YOU want for YOUR wedding!!!!

Good Luck!!!!!

Post # 5
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Just bite the bullet and get it over with! I had a cousin who tried to add in her kids (we had a no kids wedding due to budget and size constraints) and I was really dreading calling her, but at some point you just have to do it. In the end she understood when I explained why we couldn’t have them and hopefully your great aunt will understand as well. I know it’s difficult, but just try to explain it to her as nicely as possible and remember that SHE’S the one who is being rude to put you in this situation.

Post # 7
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would definitely take your cousin up on her offer about calling people for you!!  Gotta love the people in your life that are willing to help you out with uncomfortable tasks like there!  Stick to you guns lady, and take your cousin out to lunch! Haha πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

ah huney, i’m first nations as well and feel your pain.

my fiance and i are both from the same reserve so our guest list has ballooned up to 250 people. and these are relevant, important people. aunts and uncles and cousins we grew up with. we’re not inviting froo-froo people (aunt’s daughter’s boyfriend’s kids, etc). we haen’t had any problem yet aside from some single people saying “oh, we can bring a date, right?” Um. No. You can’t. If you’re not dating and it’s not serious, you can’t bring Joe Schmoe off the street.

My suggestion is just to tell them straight out that you saved two seats for so & so, and they have to decide which two are coming. take the names, hug hug, kiss kiss, love love and hangup.

yeah, if they’re like my family, they may talk about you. but whatever. it’s them being rude. not you.

good luck!

Post # 9
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m dreading having to go through this! I think the important thing is to say no, but to have someone else do it. If your mother isn’t willing to make the calls to politely tell people that they can’t bring extras, then hopefully your cousin will do it. It’s a lot easier for her to say, “gibbysgirl and fiance gibbysgirl can only have a set number at the wedding, they really can’t afford/seat more people than that,” because then it’s done. Your cousin can always say she doesn’t have answers/explanations beyond that, whereas if you called you might be on the phone for an hour trying to justify why your invited guest cannot bring along three extra people. 

Post # 10
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oy! This gets me every time I see it – the idea that you just CROSS OUT what the bride and groom wrote on your invite! Apparently it is fairly common, though.

Your great aunt is probably just unaware of the situation and that this is not supposed to be done. I think you have a great gift in your cousin’s offer to talk to her and I would totally take it!

Post # 11
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

the only add-ons I had were my brother’s kid, I wasnt expecting her because she rarely comes to the mainland from alaska, I cant really say no to a direct niece

 

then my cousins kid, I didnt invite him I didnt say and family

 

so just two; if there were more I would have really put my foot down and just risk hurting people

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well, while I know it’s hard to tell people no, consider that you have to start handling your own situations for the rest of your life now. Sometimes you have to be the “bad guy” otherwise people will walk all over you. And they know that! And that’s why they’re being so presumptuous and crossing numbers off your list! Your parents don’t want to be the bad people, either, but that’s a lot of money! I don’t blame you for not inviting all those extra people you never see! 

If you can’t call them yourself and be strong (just say no is your motto!), enlist your cousin to help. Have her speak on speaker so you can listen to the conversation and learn from her how she is handling the situation. That may help you gain some confidence in being confrontational.

 

Post # 14
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee

I definitely feel for you–I don’t know what I would have done if I had been in your position.  However, as hard as it is, you do have to stick up for your original plans.  If you can’t afford the money/space to include your second cousins, then you need to be honest with your great aunt.  I think if you tell her “I’m so sorry, but we just weren’t able to invite everyone”, she’ll understand.  If you wanted to make the list bigger AND your parents were willing to pay the extra, I’d say, just let it go.  However, it sounds like you made the list and want to stick to it, so I think you just have to have the difficult conversation.

FWIW, we had a smallish guest list and we really stuck to it.  My Mother-In-Law gave us a really hard time and kept wanting to add people.  We had to keep reiterating to her that we chose the people who we wanted to be there and we weren’t adding anyone.

Post # 15
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

This happened to me and I got really upset too.  I felt bad I had to call people and tell them they couldn’t bring extras…money wasn’t the only issue, we were very tight on space.  and they weren’t invited!!  I thought it was just so terribly rude!

I had my mom and hubby make any calls/emails to people who wanted to bring more than was invited.  If you have someone willing to help you out with that, take them up on it!

Post # 16
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

what I did I told my single friends right off the bat I was having a small wedding and no dates were invited unless they were married

 

gotta be firm

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