(Closed) Uninvited guests RSVP'ed

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should I do?

    Explain to her that she wasn't invited

    Ignore it and let them come

  • Post # 16
    9406 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    just posting that i 100% agree with PPs and wow.  Kids these days. ๐Ÿ˜›

    Post # 17
    49 posts
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    missmact:   Sorry, it sucks that people are rude to put you in this spot!  A similar situation happened to me.  My sister RSVP’d for herself, her son and someone I had never heard of.  I sent her a message that we are having a small wedding and it would just be family and a few friends…and I’ll see her and her son at the wedding. Of course it escalated from there and she got upset and didn’t attend the wedding.  

    Wasn’t my loss, we had a great time without her! ๐Ÿ™‚   

    Post # 19
    7639 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    missmact:  I agree you tell her she’s not invited (and you tell her, since since she’s the one who notified you), but also explain it’s nothing personal, but you are being consistent and are unable to invite any of this cousin’s children. (In fact, if you aren’t inviting the children of any cousins, you can say that. Presumably once you add the children of all your cousins, the guest list would get out of hand).

    Post # 20
    381 posts
    Helper bee

    We had many people letting us know, before we even sent the invitations, that they would definitely be coming to out wedding : / it was very awkward because most of these people we had only met once or twice. Some were very distant famili members, that neither my husband nor had met before our engagement. When we finally sent the invitations we had shorten our list to only 100 people, an we couldn’t include anyone else because of money and space. Still, even if the invitations were addressed by name (I had personally written down every guests’ name on their invitation) some people wrote us by mail and facebook to ask us if they could invite their kids/friends/relatives etc. Sometimes they even asked to invite people we didn’t even know!

    I handled it by letting them know, in a polite but firm way, that it was impossible for us to accomodate them. I used the “the venue only allows us for X number of people, and we are already on our maximun number” and most of them understood. I am sure your cousin will understand too.

    She might get annoyed and maybe a little bit mad. There might even be some bad talking behind your back (this happened to me), but in the end, you will feel much better having told her that you can’t accomodate her, than having her there while being worried about money and other things.

    Post # 22
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    missmact:  that’s $195 you don’t have to waste, I guess? 

    Post # 24
    1550 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    missmact:  families! Sigh. At least you’ve done your bit now!

    Post # 25
    1094 posts
    Bumble bee

    that sucks. Just explain that there is no room for her and her boyfriend

    Post # 26
    1125 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016 - A View West

    I would let her know due to budgets, she is not going to be able to attend, thank her for rsvp’sing but nicely decline. ๐Ÿ™‚

    That is an akward sitiuation…good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 27
    1688 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    On FI’s side of the family there are a bunch of aunts, uncles, and cousins who live in a big city about ten hours away from where Fiance grew up and are getting married. They have almost NEVER travelled for visits and always left it up to FI’s family to make the trip. Well next year, FI’s brother is getting married in our hometown four weeks before we are. The family is making quite the to-do about having to travel twice in one year, despite FI’s family having done that before, and many have declared that they will only go to the first wedding. Little do they know that this is entirely by design for us as Fiance has next to no contact with most of his cousins, and doesn’t really mind if they don’t come. We’re just happy for the money savings of having fewer guests, and being able to spend more time with the people we are closer to. I think you should look at it that way. You will save money on the people who don’t attend, and probably won’t be missing out on much by their absence.

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