(Closed) Uninvited guests vent

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

omg, I would be livid as well!  Who does such things?  Well obviously those ppl do, and need a kick in the patootey!  For heaven’s sake ppl get some couth!  I don’t know how you would handle it, but I would be as irked as you.  Hope you come up with something.  Good luck

Post # 4
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow! I’ve never heard of people doing that at such a large scale… I would probably deal with them on a case by case basis. If they are somewhat close to you explain your reasoning for not inviting them. If they aren’t close just be polite as possible when telling them they didn’t recieve an invite because they weren’t invited. Hmm you would think this is something people would try to go through the grapevine for…

Post # 5
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I only got one person inviting herself, but I don’t think she would actually show up.  She is a co-worker, who I rarely talk to that always says she is going to find it and come, and asks why she wasn’t invited.  You are the last person I thought about inviting! 

I would come out and say sorry, but you are not invited.  People need to realize people have a maximum number of people they can invite!!

Post # 6
25 posts

People need to realize that weddings are expensive!   It is your business who you invite and/or can afford to invite.

Post # 7
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Do you have a family member extending invitations on your behalf that you don’t know about?  In the past I’ve heard of this kind of thing, but it turned out the mother was running her mouth to everybody and anybody to just come on out for the wedding and bring whoever you like.

You may want to be sure your family isn’t behind all the sudden “guests.”

As for how to reply?  I’m at a loss.  Perhaps an “I’m sorry we hadn’t planned on so many people coming to the wedding, we aren’t prepared to host you.  But if we’re able to accomodate more people, I’ll let you know by [X date].”  You’re not lying (about space or money) and you’re giving them a firm date that you can follow up with “I’m sorry we weren’t able to accomodate you, but we really appreciate that you were thinking of us!”

(I’m really bad at saying polite things like that in person without it coming off as condescending, so I’d send an e-mail.  But the method is up to you.)

Post # 8
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I would simply write these people back and say, “We can only afford to accomodate a certain amount of guests.  Therefore, many people that we would have loved to have invited, we couldn’t.  I am deeply sorry for the confusion and if this has offended you, I apologize.”

Post # 9
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@padresgirl: With each person, just tell them you have already turned in your final numbers and the venue will not let you alter them. Thank them for their interest but tell them that your guest list has already been decided.

It is rude, but look at it as people wanting to come see you. Yeah, it’s super annoying. I’m getting my RSVPs back as we speak and I’ve had 3 uninvited people try to get an invitation. I told them nicely our guest list has been decided.


BLAME THE VENUE hehehe BUT to keep down wedding crashers have a hostess at the door to only allow those who RSVPed into your venue and to turn away wedding crashers.

Post # 10
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

That’s crazy! Great… now there’s 1 more thing I have to look forward to! What did you say to them?

Post # 11
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Pinksapphire:  <

This – tell them this exactly. 

People are so rude (we’re dealing with it too…but not as bad as yours).  Our’s are invited guests wanting to bring random dates, grandchildren, children, etc.)

Post # 12
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I will never understand why people are so rude about it… I would not have let the elderly couple just let their kid tag along… his name wasn’t on the invite. end of story gramps!

Its difficult to approach but you MUST be firm. Sounds like you are intending to have a smaller scale wedding (mine is 150… I think thats small) People need to understand that while you would love to have them at your wedding, you didn’t plan for more than what you have set already.

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