(Closed) Uninvited to a wedding… should I still send a gift?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would say no. If you had never been invited you wouldn’t have sent a gift so I would see no reason anyone would expect you to send a gift when you have been uninvited.

Post # 4
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would probably just send a congratulatory card.

Post # 5
4673 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@les105:   I second this! 

Post # 6
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@Future Mrs. W:  100% Agree!

Post # 7
134 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t send a gift. I probably wouldn’t have sent a shower gift either. Seems gift-grabby to uninvite people to a wedding but still a shower.

Post # 8
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, and my reasoning is basically for the impersonal and sort of rude way they notified you that you were un-invited.  I understand a change of plans, but at least have the courtesy to call or have a personalized email.

Post # 9
4884 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t be sending a gift, and I also wouldn’t attend the shower, to be honest.  

Post # 10
5653 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I wouldn’t have sent a gift for the wedding or the shower personally.

Post # 11
8734 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Do whatever you feel is appropriate.

To me it would depend on the reason they made the wedding smaller.

One of my friends from work had to move her wedding up (and make it smaller) due to her mother being very ill.

I was invited to the engagement party and then cut off the wedding list. I still sent a gift because she was a friend and I completely understood the extenuating circumstances requiring her to cut her wedding size.

It is odd though that this couple is inviting more people to the shower then the wedding itself. It seems a bit gift grabby to me. Unless there were extenuating circumstances I’d probably not send a wedding gift. 

Post # 12
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Gift-giving is not anyone’s obligation, In My Humble Opinion. If you feel like sending a card or something small regardless, go for it. If not, don’t worry about it. No sane couple is going to be expecting gifts from everyone. “Hoping for,” sure. But, “expecting…” Nah. I know we aren’t!

Post # 14
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009


Post # 15
9050 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think a card is sufficient. Unless like a previous poster mentions there’s an extenuating circumstance that you feel is valid and want to send something. 

The topic ‘Uninvited to a wedding… should I still send a gift?’ is closed to new replies.

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