(Closed) Uninvited to a wedding… should I still send a gift?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would say no. If you had never been invited you wouldn’t have sent a gift so I would see no reason anyone would expect you to send a gift when you have been uninvited.

Post # 4
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would probably just send a congratulatory card.

Post # 7
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t send a gift. I probably wouldn’t have sent a shower gift either. Seems gift-grabby to uninvite people to a wedding but still a shower.

Post # 8
Member
13015 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, and my reasoning is basically for the impersonal and sort of rude way they notified you that you were un-invited.  I understand a change of plans, but at least have the courtesy to call or have a personalized email.

Post # 9
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I wouldn’t be sending a gift, and I also wouldn’t attend the shower, to be honest.  

Post # 10
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I wouldn’t have sent a gift for the wedding or the shower personally.

Post # 11
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Do whatever you feel is appropriate.

To me it would depend on the reason they made the wedding smaller.

One of my friends from work had to move her wedding up (and make it smaller) due to her mother being very ill.

I was invited to the engagement party and then cut off the wedding list. I still sent a gift because she was a friend and I completely understood the extenuating circumstances requiring her to cut her wedding size.

It is odd though that this couple is inviting more people to the shower then the wedding itself. It seems a bit gift grabby to me. Unless there were extenuating circumstances I’d probably not send a wedding gift. 

Post # 12
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Gift-giving is not anyone’s obligation, In My Humble Opinion. If you feel like sending a card or something small regardless, go for it. If not, don’t worry about it. No sane couple is going to be expecting gifts from everyone. “Hoping for,” sure. But, “expecting…” Nah. I know we aren’t!

Post # 14
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

N-O

Post # 15
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think a card is sufficient. Unless like a previous poster mentions there’s an extenuating circumstance that you feel is valid and want to send something. 

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