Post # 1
I sent a save the date to a friend (lucy) I haven’t seen in years. I did so because her best friend Candy (who is one of my good friends) said that Lucy would be devastated if she wasn’t invited. So I invited her.
Now, Candy had a falling out with Lucy and doesn’t even want to be sitting near her at the reception!!! And Lucy is not friends with ANYONE else that will be invited.
What do I do? Candy, who is really important to me, asked me to NOT invite Lucy anymore, which is fine with me, but sheesh talk about breaking etiquette rules!!!!
What to do?
Post # 3
would you be inviting candy if she had not been lucy’s best friend? i’m guessing yes, since you mentioned that she is your good friend. how about letting candy invite a +1, if your budget allows it?
Post # 4
OH,maybe i was not clear? the problem is CAN i uninvite lucy somehow, since I am not even friends with her and was only inviting her for candy’s sake?!? how?
Post # 5
I would make a personal phone call to her and let her know that you would love to have her attend the wedding but that you absolutely understand if she would rather not considering she won’t know anyone there.
If she decides she’s coming…than no big deal, it will be awkward for her, not you. And if she decides otherwise, than it works out.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception
If you’ve already sent her an invite, I don’t think there is a nice, good, ettiquite way to uninvite her. If she’s not really a good friend of yours and if she knows she won’t know anyone, she might not come anyways. I know I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding where I wouldn’t know anyone but my ex-best friend.
Sorry, I know I wasn’t much help.
Post # 7
I believe that even if you only sent a save the date card, she should be considered invited. Otherwise you are saying, "I want you to know when my special day is, far in advance so that you can’t possibly have any other scheduling conflicts… However I reserve the right not to invite you after you’ve kindly marked it on you calendar…." (You get my point.)
I also disagree with calling her to say you understand if she doesn’t want to go. We girls read between lines. She’s going to hear you saying, " I sent an invite because I have to. Please don’t come." (Maybe it’s just me.)
I would simply send the invitation. If she’s in a fight with the only person she’d know, she will most likely decline. If she doesn’t, then you must find a way to seat the two away from each other. And who knows, they might make up by then anyway.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
Especially because you heard she would have been hurt if she weren’t invited, and then you took the step to send her an STD, I think the best thing to do is just to invite her.
Post # 9
I think you have to invite her. If you’ve sent the STD and she knows about the wedding, you’re kinda locked in. Who knows, they might be talking about by the wedding anyway. You know girls…we’re very dramatic. 🙂
Post # 10
OK I think you are all right, I will just invite her as planned and see what happens!
Post # 11
If her and the friend truly had a falling out, I would think that she’s probably going to choose to not attend anyhow. I would still extend the invitation though.
Post # 12
Hmm that’s a tough one!! A friend of mine knew someone who had to do that once. A couple (bf/gf) was invited but a few months before the wedding they had a big bad breakup so they ended up uninviting the girl since it was the guy they knew. I think if you don’t know her that well and she was invited only because of another guest….it’s ok to call her up and be like…you’re not invited…it’s kinda mean and offensive bit hey…it’s YOUR wedding and if you don’t even know her then whatever….
Post # 13
Tough one. We have a similar situation with someone we both had a falling out with after the Save-The-Date Cards went out. We ultimately decided not to send an invite to this person, because we both knew it would bother us if they were at our wedding, even though we knew it was an etiquette no-no. I feel like in your situation it could go either way. If your friend would be upset, I just wouldn’t send the invite. However, I would think your friend should understand that she is the reason you invited the girl in the first place and you would feel more comfortable sending the invite (if that’s the case.) Chances are, she probably wouldn’t come in light of the circumstances.
Post # 14
Send the invite…she’s more than likely going to say no but take the high road.