Post # 1
Hi everyone…this is my first post and I have a dilemma! I stupidly let it slip to my fiance that I had once hooked up with an old friend of mine in college who is invited to the wedding. The fiance is not at all pleased with this and is insistant that I uninvite him. It was one silly drunken hookup that I barely remember, and I didn’t even think of it when I was inviting him. I just think of him as an old friend. Is my fiance overreacting or is he justified in asking me to uninvite him because of one night?
Also, if I do uninvite the old friend, should I tell him the truth about why I’m doing so? Its so embarrassing that I even told my fiance about the hookup, I don’t really want to tell my friend…oi.
Post # 3
@DizzyK: Hmm… My two cents: Is he a close friend? If he is, you should try to communicate a bit more with your fiance how much it’ll mean that he be there. Have invitations gone out yet? If so, you probably can’t revoke this guy’s and your fiance will have to suck it up. That said, if the guy’s not a very close friend and invitations haven’t gone out yet, I’d say you should let your fiance win this battle. If you need to revoke a spoken invitation, you can apologetically tell your friend you’ve got to cut down the guest list to have a more intimate wedding. Or you could tell him the truth, which is awkward, but he’d probably understand that it could be a little weird for you and your fiance/husband on your wedding day. Something tells me that you’ll have much more important things on your minds that day, though! Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
I think this is more of a you-and-your-fiance issue than a you-and-your-friend. If this was really just a crazy night during college way back when, why is it so hard on your Fiance now?
Post # 5
this. As long as the relationship was one totally outside of the one with your Fiance (ie, you weren’t with your Fiance at the time, you didn’t leave the ex for your Fiance or anything like that).
Personally, I wouldn’t uninvite him. I would tell my Fiance I expect him to be rational about things like this. But… I’m also friends with several of my exes, and they are invited to the wedding (along with their significant others if applicable).
Post # 6
I agree with the other bees, I think you need to explain to your Fiance why you invited the guy and that it was just a meaningless thing. I wouldn’t uninvite him
Post # 7
i know if it was me and the other way around i wouldnt want one of my husbands ex hookups at our wedding – meaningless or not. no idea what OP should do but keep talking to her Fiance to see if there is a compromise
Post # 8
Put yourself in your FI’s shoes. How would you like the situation handled if you were him? Also, how important or close of a friend is this guy? Is he that close of a friend that it’s worth inviting someone your husband doesn’t want there? Remember, it’s his day too, so it’d be nice to respect his wishes as to who he doesn’t and doesn’t want to share it with, but if it really means that much to you that this guy is at your wedding (because he’s a really close friend of yours and he’s a part of your life….right?) then be sure to share that with Fiance.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone! I do totally respect my FI’s wishes…I think the hardest thing for me is the awkwardness of uninviting my friend. :/
Post # 10
hmm idk if girls would be so understanding if the shoe was on the other foot–who would want to walk down the aisle while imagining their soon to be husband having steamy sex with the girl in the 3rd row—even if it was years ago-that’s not a nice mental pic for the big day
if he’s not a close close friend, tell him the truth-that it would make you both uncomfortable because of your history–I mean we have gone past the days that a bride was expected to be a virgin but she could at LEAST be counted to not have boinked one of the guests! Can you imagine if he has a few too many drinks and gets a little too open during the speeches??
Post # 11
My fiance’s best “man” is his ex-girlfriend. They dated for about a year, ten years ago. They were friends before, and after that. It was a mistake and they found that they are better as friends. He had plenty of time to be with her before I came along, and it didn’t ever happen.
My opinion is that he’s being unreasonable. BUT it isn’t my place to say what an appropriate response would be for him. I’m curious as to why he’s bothered. Is he wanting you to cut off the friendship completely, or just uninvite him from the wedding?
Post # 12
I was in this same situation (minus the uninviting part) My husband was not happy to find out i invited an old highschool friend of mine. We have been friends for eons but had a brief fling one summer before he left for college. We were best friends for a good 2 or 3 year prior to the hook up and have stayed friends ever since. he is one of those people that will be in my life forever and such a good friend that even if we dont talk all the time, when we do its like no time has passed.
needless to say my husband was pretty pissed – and honestly i should have thought about his feelings but in the end it was really important to me to have him there – my husband got over it and wouldnt have told me to uninvite him. i know my husband is even still slightly annoyed by it but he is getting over it. i’ve never tried to hide my relationship with my friend from him so i think thats shows there is no reason to worry. My marriage will always come first but I think its unfair, in situations like these, to ask someone not to be friends with someone else especially if you have taken the time to explain the dynamic of the relationship. Luckily my friend lives in another state and i don’t see him ever but it makes me sad that my husband would write him off right away since it is a friendship i plan to keep forever.
sometimes i could kick myslef for even mentioning the hook up because our friendship overpowers any romatic feelings that ever were involved!