Post # 1
I don’t want to go into the details, but one of the women I’ve asked to be a bridesmaid for my wedding — a very good friend from university — is herself currently engaged. I found out today, though, that not only am I not in her bridal party (which I suppose would be okay, as these things aren’t tit-for-tat, though I thought we were closer than that), but that I wasn’t invited to the wedding at all. She made excuses about her wedding being ‘family and close friends’ — but a) I thought we were close, and b) she invited roughly 250 people. I feel pretty hurt — our friendship must mean far less to her than it does to me, and now I’m not sure if I want her as a bridesmaid at all. Should I ‘uninvite’ her from the bridal party? I realize that would not help our friendship, and I’m not going to do anything until I’ve thought it over, but…
Post # 2
wowza….I clicked on this thinking it would be a petty vent and a simple “just get over it” but it’s simply not…..”family and friends” is not a wedding of 250….she obviously purposefully didn’t invite you to her wedding.
i have a good friend, who didn’t even ask her best friend from pre-school to be her bridesmaiDs, her bridesmaids were only her biological sister…i was thinking your friend maybe had a similar mindset….but if she didn’t invite you to a wedding of 250 (vs a wedding of 25) I would uninvite her. ahe obviously doesn’t value your friendship as you value hers.
sorry bee. I would be hurt too
Post # 3
If you’re hurt to the point where you may not want to be friends anymore then I would ask her to step down. But I would have a sit down talk with her in person and ask her if she still wants to be in your bridal party or not and see where your friendship stands.
Post # 4
250 and your not invited?!? That is nasty..
Post # 5
i would not bother asking her where the friendship stands because the friend cannot fit her into a 250 guest wedding.
OP i know it hurts. Sorry 🙁
Post # 6
That’s so awkward. I would wait until you see each other in person or have a conversation, and bring it up. Say you feel so awkward about the mismatch and you want to give her an out?
Post # 7
don’t bother asking where the friendship stands.
actions speak louder than words and she made her actions loud and clear.
dont give Her an option to be in your bridal party if you don’t want her there. It’s your wedding. I personally would not want someone in my wedding party that didn’t invite me to their wedding whatsoever
i would call her or email and clearly state that actions speak louder than words. You could understand not being in the wedding party but you cannot understand not being a guest in a wedding with 250 guests. I would state that you obviously assumed your “friendship” was closer than you thought, and she proved you to be clearly mistaken, and you are doing her the kind favor of no longer having to pretend to be close friends with you anymore and to consider herself uninvited from your wedding party and wedding guest. good riddance
Post # 8
- Wedding: April 2019 - Undecided
i’d uninvite her. Obviously you need to talk to her about it first because it is really awkward and I can’t believe she didn’t inform you of the situation sooner.. but yeah.. at the very least she should be relieved of her bm duties.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone — it definitely stings. I think I’m going to take a day or so just to puzzle things over and calm down (I’m not really angry, just hurt, but that might change). The way I feel right now, though, I don’t think I’d like her to be around. I did speak to my fiance about this; he was upset on my behalf, and told me he’d support whatever decision I made. The bridesmaid/groomsman count would be uneven if she left, but as he rightly pointed out, that’s not a reason to keep somebody like her around. It’s less the wedding stuff that bothers me, though, and more the idea that what I thought was a really good friendship actually isn’t. It’s never easy to have people mean more to you than you do to them — I really liked/like this woman!
Post # 10
Okay, she’s not a lifelong friend, from university, that is fairly recent.
If it were me, I would figure I had misjudged the depth of our friendship. I would eject her from my wedding entirely, and I would tell her why, in plain language.
Post # 11
Does she or her fiancé come from a Duggar sized family? Who is paying for the wedding? If it’s their parents, they may feel obligated to invite their 40 aunts/uncles and 125 cousins (or whatever).
Post # 12
If she didn’t feel close enough to you to invite you to her wedding, why did she agree to be a bridesmaid? What an unusual situation. I would tell her you realize that you two aren’t as close as you had originally thought, and that way she can have more time to plan her own wedding.
Post # 13
That’s a hit to the gut not to be invited to 250+ wedding, but before you do anything major I would sit her down and calmy chat. See who is paying for her wedding. If it’s her parents, then it may have been the parents that didn’t invite you. She may not have any control over the guest list, just read some other posts on these baords about some controlling parents! Have you met her parents? Do you visit them?
If her and her fiance are paying for it I would be more hurt and would wonder why.
Post # 14
In a wedding of 250 guests, I don’t understand why you weren’t invited. This is so odd, in that she accepted your invitation to be a Bm, which says she likes you enough to want to support you on your day. Given this very odd disparity, I would ask her directly if you have done something to offend her or why you weren’t invited.
Post # 15
Wow, what an embarassing situation… for her. She should be the one to feel awkward because she said she invites family AND close friends. If she’s not close to you, why did she accept to be in your bridal party? I would uninvite her from the bridal party. Honestly, I would uninvite her from the wedding too, but maybe it’s a little agressive on my behalf.
It’s very hurtful and you are right to feel offended. Even if parents pay for the wedding… it’s 250 people and within those, she mentions there are close friends. I would just explain in an email or over the phone or live, however you decide, that given the fact that you are not even invited to her 250 people wedding, clearly you missinterpreted the friendship and would prefer for her not to be in your bridal party because you feel very awkward now.
Hugs, OP. You saw her true colors now and it’s better late than never.