(Closed) Uninviting guest after a great death

posted 4 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

This is a totally understandable reason for scaling down the wedding. People WILL understand and not think you’re being tacky.

You could either send cancellation notes you the people you have already sent stds to, or perhaps email?

 

I’m sorry you and your Fiance are going through this

Post # 3
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

My first thought is to spread by word of mouth that the style of wedding has been cancelled and  the reason why. That all STDs should be disregarded. 

Then start out fresh when you replan, and no further explanations should be required. If someone is kind of boorish and says “why was I invited to the first one and I am not invited to this one?” you can say the kind of wedding you were planning was changed. 

Post # 4
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Are the two of you getting married at this family life celebration?

If not, you call your guests and explain to them that the wedding has been cancelled ASAP. If you really want, you can tell them that with FI’s aunt’s passing, the wedding will be too emotionally hard for him as she was like his mother.

If you are getting married at it, then it’s a wedding. Doesn’t matter what name you put on it, it’s a wedding. And there’s no way to exclude those guests you sent STDs to that’s not rude.

I

Post # 5
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think everyone that you have already invited would completely understand that the death of essentially a parent changes everything completely. It’s tacky of them not to understand at a time like this. I would say how you described the situation in your original post is a good starting point 🙂 Explain the relationship like you did in broad, brief strokes (Aunt was a mother to Fiance, and her loss is like the loss of a parent), explain that there was a death, and the family is mourning and would like to keep the wedding small. All in 3-4 sentences at most.

Post # 6
Member
9375 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
maystaurus :  I’m terribly sorry for your loss. Normally uninviting a guest is a big no-no, but given these circumstances I think your friends and family will understand. I would send them all a note along the lines of “we apologize for the change in plans, but given the recent tragedy in our family we are not up to celebrating a large wedding and have canceled the event. Thank you for your understanding and support during this difficult time”. 

Post # 7
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

View original reply
maystaurus :  Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that!

Honestly I think most people will be understanding. I would send another mailing to all of those guests saying “Unfortunately due to a life altering event, we regret to inform you that we will no longer be having the large wedding we initially planned. We will still be getting married, but it will be a very small event due to unforseen circumstances. We sincerely apologize, but appreciate the support you have shown us”

Post # 8
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

What I got when I first read, is that invitations had not gone out, only STDs. That isn’t uninviting someone, in these circumstances.

Post # 9
Member
14046 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think that all you have to do is say something like “due to an extremely painful loss to Groom’s immediate family, we have decided to postpone wedding festivities.”  Maybe once the loss isn’t so raw, you and your fiance can have a party with all the guests to celebrate. 

Post # 10
Member
9385 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

 people will get it.  Calling them or speaking in person is better than some other form of communiction, if possible.

Post # 11
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I am so very sorry to hear that you are going through this….. 

I am surprised to read a PP’s reply that if you are getting married at the smaller gathering then there isn’t a way to “uninvite” guests that wouldn’t be rude. I would like to think that anybody who would have been invited to the larger celebration wouldn’t be selfish enough to make this “change of plans” about them! Your Fiance lost the person who was his mother figure… anybody who hears this story should respond with empathy and support and nothing less than that.

 

Post # 12
Member
4073 posts
Honey bee

I agree with others about spreading by word of mouth, but I mostly just wanted to say I’m so so sorry for you and your FI’s loss. That is incredibly unfair and awful. I wish you guys the best!

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