Post # 1
I have 5 BMs. My sister is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my four childhood best friends are my other Bridesmaid or Best Man. I chose my sister as my Maid/Matron of Honor because she introduced me to my Fiance and well, this way, I wouldn’t have to pick between my best friends.
The thing is, my sister and I aren’t that close, her personality is about 180 from mine and she isn’t all that into the wedding stuff anyways.
One of my BMs, E, planned my shower last weekend and another one, C, is planning my bachelorette party. While I mentioned several times to my BMs that really didn’t want my sister at the bachelorette, after the shower, there was a lot of excited emails planning dates for the bachelorette party, which went to my sister as well.
C emailed and apologized about the gaffe, but at this point, I think it’s too late to do anything about it.
My sister and I have never talked about our sex lives, and it would be doubly weird since she knows my Fiance.
C suggested that we tell her that the party was in a different city so she might not be able to make it, but I’m not certain that would really work.
Should we just let it be or find a way to gently uninvite her?
Post # 3
If you uninvite her, you risk ruining that relationship big time. Can you revise your bach party so you aren’t embarrassed by any of the activities?
Post # 4
I think at this point she should just stay on the invite list. Unfortunately the BM’s let it slip and now she knows there is a plan to have one. Even if it hadn’t slipped to her, wouldn’t she have wondered why a bachelorette never happened? Or does she really care that little about the wedding events (and if so that sucks!). To avoid family drama (and I think the fact she is family makes this harder) and any awkward situations at the wedding or any last minute get togethers, you should just invite her.
You could always hint to her by saying "hey – I know bachelorette parties arent really your thing so don’t feel obligated to be there. I’ll understand if you’d rather not". Maybe she’ll decline on her own.
Post # 5
i think its a little late to uninvite your sister considering she is a bridesmaid. It will not only ruin your relationship but may cause a lot of family drama. Maybe you should just explain to her the theme of hte bacelorette party so she has a heads up and won’t be suprised or feel awkard about hte situation. wish you the best of luck and a happy marriage and wedding!
Post # 6
I think you need to let it be. Would she ruin your bachelorette to have her in the background? I think uninviting her will just further confirm that you guys aren’t that close & it will probably just hurt her feelings. Perhaps she won’t want to come anyway because it’s out of her element… especially if you don’t have an open friendship like you have with your other BMs?
Post # 7
Yeah I agree with the hive on this one – you can’t really uninvite her. BUT, if you think she’ll be uncomfortable with the sex stuff you can have one of your BMs send out an email that makes the party sound raunchier than it may actually be. That might be enough to totally put her off, and then you are off the hook because your girls are throwing it for you and you don’t have anything to do with it. I’m thinking something along the lines of "So, who is making the penis cookies, who is buying the inflatable penis, and who is hiring the stripper?"
My friend’s sister actually did this for her bachelorette and it was just so gross. Funny for about 5 seconds but the novelty wore off pretty quick. Then came the stripper. Gross. I’m no prude mind you but it was even too much for me to handle after a while!
Post # 8
what is the age difference for you and your sister? my sister is 4 years younger and sex related things used to be awkward but once we got over it she could ask me things and I think she was glad to have a big sister. Now she is like one of my girlfriends.
Post # 9
I think that, as was said, for the sake of the relationship, I would keep her on the invite list. She might be feeling the exact way you do in the reverse and ultimately not come…?
Post # 10
Thanks for the comments. She’s already "penciled in" the date. I don’t know if she’s been to a bachelorette party since most of her married friends have been guys.
@vistagirl. She’s three years older but again her personality is really diff from mine. I’m the loud mouth, she’s the quiet one.
I don’t think she’d ruin it, but I’d definitely be a lot more self concious with her there. I suppose wedding planning is always far from perfect.
Post # 11
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
You can’t uninvite her, sorry! She might decide not to come, anyway, if she feels the same way you do.
Post # 12
once invited you cannot uninvite
Post # 13
if she is in your wedding party, there is no good way to not include her or lie to her. If you didn’t want her to be a part of your wedding party activities, then you should not have included her in your wedding party, whether or not you didn’t want to choose between your other friends.
Post # 14
You made her your Maid/Matron of Honor and you’re excluding her from wedding party activities? I can’t hold this in–that’s really messed up! I’m seriously stunned. It would be one this if you did something low-key with just a few of your BMs and didn’t invite her to that but to have a bachelorette party and refer to it as such and then not invite a member of the wedding party is terribly rude. I hope that in time you and your sister are able to appreciate each others’ different personalities and become closer. That doesn’t happen unless you take some risks and open yourself up to the other person though and that has to go both ways. Weddings have a tendency to bring people closer or drive them apart–which one do you really want with your sister?
Post # 15
From another perspective, I am that quiet, reserved older sister to a wilder, more outgoing little sister. I would not enjoy a traditional bachelorette party, so I didn’t have one before my wedding. My little sister would like to have one, so as her Bridesmaid or Best Man, I am trying to plan something SHE wants. And yeah, that means we’re going out to bars and I’ll probably buy her all the bachelorette paraphenelia that goes with it. Your sister might not be comfortable with the traditional party like you are, but maybe she is trying to suck it up for one night so she can be supportive of her sister. I think that alone is reason enough to leave her on the invite list. Plus she might even surprise you and really loosen up at the party!
Post # 16
@ Mrs. Spring – I have to say that it’s good to hear that from someone who is that sister. I have been telling myself as of late that I really should try with my sister.
As for making her my Maid/Matron of Honor, well, I feel that I should explain myself a bit. It’s difficult to explain our relationship, but my sister does things unintentionally that are a bit tactless. A few weeks ago her good friend got engaged and I asked if she was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. She said she didn’t know but it would be nice for once to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man that wasn’t an "obligation." She repeated this a week later and I was really miffed.
Since my sister introduced me to my Fiance I think she would be totally hurt if she wasn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor. Plus, my mom completely expected me to make her my Maid/Matron of Honor so I really felt pressured to make everyone happy.
At any rate, I’m trying to just…well, let it be. I’m sure my sister is making much more of an effort that I am giving her credit for.