(Closed) Uninviting Someone?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
12237 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

lyssag222 :  I don’t think it’s possible to have it both ways.

What makes you so sure she has a crush on your Fiance and that she’s not just a friendly, touchy, giggly type of person? If you know for sure she has a crush on him, for example, because she’s told him, then yes, your Fiance has to have a talk with her. He can say that he’ll be taking a step back from the relationship for everyone’s sake and that under the circumstances he no longer feels right about inviting her to the wedding.

Post # 3
Member
11612 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

lyssag222 :  if we knew a magic way to uninvite someone without ruining the alleged friendship, we’d be rich! 

There isn’t one. You can try to soften the blow but if she finds out that you didn’t downsize or whatever, you’re in even more hot water.

Bottom line, if she makes you both so uncomfortable you don’t want her at your wedding, she’s not a friend.

Post # 4
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee

What friendship are you trying to save with someone you are not comfortable having at your wedding, to the extent that you’d disinvite them? If both you and your fiance are uncomfortable being around her, I have no idea what you relationship you are trying to avoid “ruining”.

Post # 7
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

lyssag222 :  I think if she told him that, she should see the distancing coming if your Fiance is committed to you and doesn’t want to entertain this fantasy of hers of being with him…

Post # 8
Member
12237 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

lyssag222 :  That’s a no brainer than. She’s uninvited. I think it’s a mistake for him to maintain a friendship with someone who feels this way about him.  In your place it wouldn’t be OK with me. 

Post # 9
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

She’s allowed to have a crush on him, and she is even allowed to tell him about her crush. Maybe she’s not smart for doing it but it certainly shouldn’t be a friendship-altering situation. If she’s known him for 20 years, she has probably felt this way for a long time, and yet somehow managed to not accidentally sex him up or anything. Just ignore her mild flirting and she’ll eventually knock it off. It’s only awkward if you make it awkward.

Post # 10
Member
12237 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Horseradish : Except there’s a big difference between having a crush that you manage to keep to yourself and telling someone that they would leave their husband for you. OP doesn’t have to tolerate that kind of disrespect. 

Post # 11
Member
365 posts
Helper bee

I think she pretty much uninvited herself when she told your fiance she would leave her husband for him. She crossed the line and it’s her own damn fault she’s being uninvited. Don’t feel bad about it. She brought this on herself.

Post # 12
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee

lyssag222 :  Sorry, I still don’t see the quandary here. If she’d go to the extent of openly hitting on him in front of you, and even making a love confession directly to him, then I’d say the friendship is already destroyed! I certainly wouldn’t be worried about preserving her feelings.

Also, even if you manage to find a graceful way to disinvite her from the wedding and preserve the relationship (which is literally impossible without use of a bulletproof lie), how do you see things playing out after you are married? Do you think his new marital status will suddenly stop her from flirting with him? Will you suddenly both feel comfortable around her, with the memory of her having flirted with him in the past?

Have your fiance tell her that he is no longer comfortable having her at his wedding after what she said to him.

Post # 13
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

lyssag222 :  oh boy. 

I also believe she’s allowed to have w crush on your husband. After all, who understands the attraction to that man better than you do, right?

She’s allowed to have him as the prime star in all of her fantasies (sexual or romantic ones).

BUT, In My Humble Opinion the minute she starts acting on those thoughts and feelings and creates this feeling of unease and discomfort around her…bye Felicia. I’d also expect my FI/DH/SO to shut that stuff down when she started to act on it btw…

I wouldn’t send her an invitation and I wouldn’t lose a wink of sleep over it either. 

Post # 14
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You can’t uninvite her without ruining the friendship. So I’d suggest your fiance talk to her and say how inappropriate she was at dinner, and that he is feeling uncomfortable staying friends if she continues to act that way. She will probably apologize and either offer an explanation or will confess her deep rooted feelings of love (less likely). Then invite her to the wedding or explain that she isn’t invited and go on with your life. But no, I dont think you can have it both ways.

eta – just read your update about her leaving her H. Why the fuck is your fiance still friends with her? Keeping her as a just in case? He needs to dump her as a friend if she cant behave properly. By continuing the friendship he is showing you a major disrespect.

Post # 15
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t think you do.  I would just not send her an invitation- but you probably won’t be friends anymore.  You could try talking to her, but you still probably won’t be friends anymore.  She acted on her feelings which was totally unappropriate and being a bad friend- I would say adios and not look back

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