(Closed) Uninviting Someone?

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
Member
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

lyssag222 :  Yes, she has told him. Told him she would leave her husband for him if he and I ever broke up. 

Whew, sorry to channel 2006 slang but that’s a hot mess. She ruined that friendship all on her own. Feel free not to invite her and your Fiance can turn in that little MLA format citation to her if she wants an explanation.

Post # 17
Member
4967 posts
Honey bee

lyssag222 :  So much not ok here. Your fiance needs to nix this “friendship”. I’m friends with plenty of men and I have never behaved the way you described here. It is so inappropriate. She needs to be shown the door. You should not tolerate this.

Post # 18
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

To be honest, I’m seriously side-eyeing your fiancé for remaining friends with her after she confessed she’d leave her husband for him.

You can’t stay friends with someone after you uninvite them to your wedding because their presence makes you uncomfortable. You DEFINITELY can’t stay friends with someone when you’re engaged to another woman and they tell you they’d leave their marriage for you. That’s not friendship. This whole thing is bizarrely inappropriate.

Post # 19
Member
6498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

There’s a lot going wrong here. Why would he want to remain friends with someone who would attempt to undermine his relationship like that? Why would you hear about her being willing to leave her Darling Husband for him and still think it was okay to take her to dinner? No matter how long they have been friends, what is there to salvage at this point?

And no. You cannot disinvite her without ruining the “friendship” (in my world, friends don’t do what she has done).

Post # 20
Member
8863 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

lyssag222 :  So, what do friends do together or talk about after one of them has said she’d leave her husband if the other would leave his girlfriend? Seems like that would make things awkward. Why is your husband still friends with her? He doesn’t think that was disrespectful of her? And cruel of himself to let her pine after him if he’s serious about you?

Post # 21
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you don’t want her at your wedding (it’s perfectly understandable) why try and keep a relationship with her. I’m not saying you should keep the invite but I doubt she’ll flirt with your fiance on his wedding day but if you do/don’t invite her and still meet up with her like you have, I’m sure she’ll keep doing what she’s doing. I think it’s best to keep your distance.

Post # 23
Member
8863 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

lyssag222 :  Oh, ok then. In that case, there’s nothing to worry about and no reason to disinvite her from your wedding. Crisis averted.

Post # 27
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

lyssag222 :  I stand by my original response; childhood friends or not, the friendship ceased being viable when she essentially confessed her love for your Fiance. Saying you’d end your marriage for someone =\= crush. If you like her, consider that continuing to be “friends” with her despite her wanting more from your Fiance is kind of cruel.

In short – no, you can’t uninvite her and stay friends. Your Fiance should be the one to talk to her.

Post # 28
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

And just to add – not being “friends” anymore doesn’t mean you and Fiance need to hate her by default or anything. Your Fiance is allowed to mourn the friendship. It’s just the right thing to do, since a friendship by definition is a relationship where both parties are not interested in being “more” than friends.

Honestly, if I were him, I’d say something along the lines of: “I care about you very much and our friendship means a lot to me. However given what you’ve said to me about your feelings and that you’d want us to be together if I were single, I don’t feel comfortable being in contact anymore, including our wedding. This is out of respect for my relationship as well as you and your feelings. I wish you all the best.”

Post # 29
Member
7768 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What an odd thread. If the fact that she told your fiance she’s in love with him is enough for you to disinvite her from your wedding, then it’s a big deal. Yet when people here have voiced their agreement with you on that, you get defensive and start acting like it’s NBD that she told him she would leave her husband for him. Ok super so if it’s NBD then why are you stressing about disinviting her? 

If you truly feel like the friendship can be salvaged, then your fiance needs to call her up and have a chat with her about how uncomfortable her behavior makes you both, so you can find a way to move forward. Don’t just passive aggressively disinvite her from the wedding and claim you still want to be friends…that makes no sense. 

In sum: Disinvite her and end the friendship, or invite her and have a heart-to-heart about boundaries and respect. 

Post # 30
Member
12208 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Did Fiance ever actually date or hook up with this woman? 

She could very well act out on your wedding day, but then again just likely to act out five years from now when she really is ready to leave her husband for yours. It may be hard to imagine now but what happens when your future H’s life gets stressful and he’s looking for sympathy? 

Fiance can say he’s thought about it and decided not to invite her to the wedding for obvious reasons. Then let the chips fall where they may. 

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