Post # 31
OP you’re asking for the impossible.
1- you can’t uninvite someone without wrecking the friendship
2- you can’t have a normal friendship while being uncomfortable around them
Its ok to drop this friendship, just because they’ve been friends for a long time does not mean she’s not a toxic friend. Be more open minded about it.
Post # 32
lyssag222 : I am surprised your Fiance has not already addresed this situation.
Post # 33
- Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY
lyssag222 : There would be no “friendship” to ruin if a “friend” professed her love for my husband (or husband-to-be in your case). That doesn’t fly with me – the friendship should have ended there because her feelings are inapporpriate. I’m not sure why either one of you feel the need to have her in your life if you’re worried about her being there on your wedding day. What do you think she’ll do on the day-of that’s even more inapporpriate than what she’s already done?
Post # 34
That’s the strangest friendship ever: and she kinda uninvited herself with what she said. There really is no way to not ruin that friendship, she’s not acting appropriately and I would show that lady the door real fast.
Some friendships need to die a natural death, and this one is on its way out. Don’t send an invite and if she mentions anything, have your Fiance talk to her and tell her that you guys don’t feel comfortable with her attending your wedding. And then tell her why. She knows what she’s doing….and it’s not okay.
Post # 35
The thing about longterm friendships is people are hesitant to give them up due to history. This happens a lot actually. You are afraid to ask him to end it completely. He is afraid to end it completely. Her behavior is insanely inappropriate. Normally I’m supportive of opposite sex friendships, but not something like this. He can talk to her and address how inappropriate her behavior has been, especially given that she has told him that she would leave her husband for him. It’s ok to end this friendship. It’s ok to not feel comfortable with her.
Post # 36
I would nicely, but firmly tell her that the friendship has developed on her side to something that is not healthy for her or a new marriage. Because of this, it wouldn’t be appropriate for her to attend the wedding. It would be best if this came from your Fiance. If it’s a solid friendship she will understand especially in the long run as painful as it might be now.
Post # 37
This is your fiancé’s to handle. If she was acting out of line enough for you guys to want to exclude her from your wedding, he should be able to point to that behavior and say this was unacceptable for me and is why I’m going to have to rescind the invitation.
You don’t want to get involved, you’ll just look jealous.
Post # 38
I don’t understand why this has to be a major situation. Write her an email or call her and tell her you and your fi decided to make the wedding list smaller. And tell her she is not on the new list because its only for immediate family and very close friends. I’d just go for the email. And I would not worry about ‘keeping’ her as a friend.
Post # 39
lyssag222 : If she told him she would leave her husband for him if you two ever split up … i wouldn’t invite her. She wanted to make that clear by telling him. Unless she is so importaint to the two of you, move in. She is a friend with alternative motive!
Post # 40
I agree with peridot about this being your fiance’s situation to handle. Just because they have been friends for a very long time does not mean it is okay for her to behave like this… especially how she said she would leave her husband for him!
What does your future husband think about all of this?