(Closed) Uninvolved/Estranged Dad

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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milkeyedmender :  honestly we usually have an okay time in small doses and I’ll be so busy on the day of, I don’t think I’ll be thinking about it much. But that’s probably because my relationship with my dad isn’t the only dark cloud on my family and it seems like I’ll just suck up any sadness I have about what I want to happen and just lower my expectations. That way I won’t be disappointed when he makes a heartfelt speech and I think it’s bogus or he doesn’t make a speech at all and cracks terrible dad jokes instead. Jesus. That’s what’s going to happen. Okay see I’ve dealt with that possibility and now I’m okay if it happens. It’s my coping mechanism. It sounds like that’s what you could work on in therapy. It’s a tangible set of steps you take to calm down or relax, deescalate the situation.  

Post # 17
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

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milkeyedmender : You’re the child, lady. You’ve done more than enough to get things working. More than a child should.

He’s just a man. How has this man treated you? Badly, that’s how. Would you let any other man do this to you and still try to talk to them? Not likely, so don’t do it with him.

Cut the contact. Facebook, phone calls, any way you talk to him now — end it. This is for your sake and the sake of your family. Having someone like this in your life does nothing but keep the door open for bad feelings that affect everyone in your house. Every few months it’ll be, “He didn’t call… again. *sigh*”, and your husband and your child will be hearing this, possibly comforting you. Basically, the house will have a will-he-call cycle… That’s awful. It would affect your household even if you never said a word about it.

Nothing will get better while this man has one lazy, disinterested foot in the door. End all contact. Do this first, then fix yourself up from there. The guilt will go away. You’ll be free.

Post # 18
2165 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Your dad is shallow. He has moved on. Not supposed to move on from kids, only from other things, but so what, he did what he felt like and moved on from his kids. The trouble is you can’t change him, he just doesn’t get it. 

You will have to have a relationship with your Dad on his terms. 

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