Post # 1
I am having 3 bridesmaids and I dont feel the need to dictate EXACTLY what shoes they wear, how they do their hair, etc. However, one of them is waaaay taller than everyone else (including me) and she loves wearing huge heels. She also cuts her hair in very.. extreme styles and colors it all over the spectrum. This will sound rude but, how can I ask her to tone it down for the wedding?
Yes, I can ask all the girls to wear flats, but that doesnt fix the height difference (which isnt that important to me).. but mostly I dont want everyone to be distracted by the girl with the neon pink, skrillex hair instead of the girl in the white dress. I love her for who she is and I’m not trying to change her so I know its rude of me to ask her to alter her appearance.. but I REALLY want her to just look.. natural. Natural hair color, flattering hair cut, etc. Is there a nice way to go about this? I don’t want to insult her or make her feel like I’m commanding her to do something.
She is also causing a problem with the dresses, which I do want to match. She is tall, thin, and busty while my other bm’s are short and plus sized. I want them all to agree on a dress, or at least like the dress that won by majority vote. Extreme bm keeps picking unforgiving, low cut dresses that has her bust practically spilling out (not the look I want for my wedding) and my other girls want something modest and flattering to everyone. I cant ask her to just stop being herself, so how do I solve this? What can I say that isnt just me blurting out something rude?
Sorry for the rant, and thanks for any input!
Post # 3
Send her some cute dresses that you’d really like to see her in. Make a polyvore board or something to really illustrate your vision for her. As for her hair/haircut/etc…personally, I wouldn’t go there. You said that you value her for who she is and wouldn’t want to change her, but there’s no tactful way to suggest that she alter her apprarance to fit what you’d like to see for your wedding.
Maybe ask to see if she’s planned a cut/color and see if she asks for your input/approval, but unless she does that I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask her to make certain adjustments for your day if that’s her usual look.
Post # 4
What about choosing some dresses on http://www.weddingtonway.com , then sending them to your bridesmaids and then they can vote on a dress? Are you sure you want her to be a bridesmaid? It kind of sounds like you would rather her not be in the wedding…
Post # 5
You could let them pick their own dress in the same colour/designer. That way each girl will be comfotable.
As for the hair- well you don’t say anything- it’s her hair so she gets to say what she does with it. You said
I love her for who she is and I’m not trying to change her so I know its rude of me to ask her to alter her appearance.. but I REALLY want her to just look.. natural. Natural hair color, flattering hair cut, etc.
But by asking her to “look natural” you are asking her to change her appearance which is really rude! Love you friend for who she is and move on!
Post # 6
I think you should ask her what she is planning to do with her hair for you wedding. Make it a lighthearted conversation — tell her what you’re thinking of doing with your hair as well. Perhaps you can mention that your vision is that everyone look “naturally beautiful.”
I’ve BEEN the ‘unique’ bridesmaid, and all I wanted was to look how the bride wanted me to look. I understood that her wedding day was HER day, not mine, and so I asked her what she wanted me to look like.
Post # 7
If it’s that important perhaps you could offer to get all your BM’s hair styled on the day… then you could discuss style/colouring with her beforehand, and maybe convince her to go for possibly a platinum blonde – not too out there but could still go with her usual image?
As for the dress, I think you’re totally within your rights to suggest dresses that go with the tone and theme of your wedding, if you give a selection of say five you like, and get them to vote on which they prefer.