Universal Bullshit Translator: Waiting Version (Humor- not serious)

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It’s both our faults. We have the date set, but we’re not engaged yet. Part of it is some legal issues (my seven yesr divorce) and I nag him constantly. I dont need my ring right this second but i want a good idea of when im getting it. Which ruins his surprise. So. He’s not entirely at fault.

Post # 18
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - Finger Lakes, NY

View original reply
Beth7210 :  My boyfriend actually recently told me if I had started nagging he would have been turned off from getting the ring and he actually said he thought I was going to a few times but was glad when I didn’t. He HAAAATES being nagged and will even put off doing the dishes and other such tasks if I ride his case too hard about it. I’ve learned to balance gentle reminders and conversations as a result.

I nearly spat fire when he tried to pin his not being ready on me last year and actually decided to wait 6 more months before I made any further moves. I dropped the topic entirely, at least as much as I could. It took just under four months for him to talk to my dad about wanting to marry me and a little less than a month after that to mention needing to look for an engagement ring for me. This was 100% on his own initiative, so I feel confident that he is actually ready for these steps.

Post # 19
904 posts
Busy bee

“Its not you, its me, you dont deserve a lifetime of my issues and I will just break your heart later on when you cant handle my issues. You dont know what you are signing up for. 

Translation: Im probably gonna cheat on you, do something stupid, Im not done sowing my oats, and when you finally uncover my skuzzball ways Im going to tell you its because I came from a broken home, my mom was emotionally distant, my dad was an alien who routinely impregnated earth women he abducted while they slept, I was dropped on my head as a kid….blah blah blah.

Also translate to:

Yes you caught me cheating, I tried to warn you, but you wouldnt take no for an answer. So really this is all your fault.

Post # 20
1642 posts
Bumble bee

My best friend got these recently. 

– “Lets move in together, because I want to marry you.” – I just said that so you would move in with me. I will then proceed to follow you around the house wherever you go because I am co-dependent and needy AF. 

– “I just bought the diamond for your engagement ring!” – Now I have a month to know I lied and didn’t actually buy it at all. 

– “I know I got caught lyng about buying the ring! But now I need to have the money saved in my account while we go on a 2 week trip to Portugal incase a travel emergency happens” – I can’t believe she bought this excuse! I do have a credit card I could use for an emergency but this excuse totally sounds legit! I also now have her assuring her friends we are engaged to be engaged! 

– “We need to go to therapy because YOU are too confrontational and assertive, let me give you a list of things you need to work on before I propose. ” I don’t want to marry her because I hate confrontation more than anything and i refuse to stand up for her in public so when she has to do it I yell at her for being too confrontational. Even though a guy walked up and told her she was too loud in a restaurant I said nothing but when she told him that was inappropriate and to back off I got angry at her for making a scene. 

 – “Hi, I know I just texted you an hour ago that i was on my way home for dinner but instead I was really on a flight to New York. It is over, I don’t wish to discuss it. Goodbye” I know I said lets go to therapy to try to fix MY problems, but after 3 years and living together ive decided I am going to leave you suddenly, without warning, and refuse to speak to you. Instead of getting therapy to work though my issues I would like to throw away a 3 year relationship. My mother is also going to enable this behavior by helping me sneaky move out while you are gone for that weekend. P.S when I asked your dad to marry you 6 months ago I didnt’ mean it I just threw that in to hurt your dad as well as you. THanks byeeeeee….

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