Post # 1
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
Hi Bees…
My friends and I got back from my bachelorette party a couple weeks ago and we all had a blast. While there one of my friends, who is also a bridesmaid, drank way too much & acted out. This same friend is someone who had issues with drinking and lying in the past, but I saw the good in her so our other close friend, her and I have been close for the past few years, with no drama whatsoever. In her drunken state, she cursed out our other close friend and stormed off and went back to our hotel while we stayed behind. No one could help her at that point because she had become violent and obnoxious and no one wanted to help someone that was being so disrespectful. Now that we’re back home, we come to find out that she’s upset with us for letting her go back to the hotel alone while she was drunk – but she never mentioned that she was upset while we were there. I had to find out from other people and called her to talk about it, we got into a big argument and she also talked to our other close friend and they got into it pretty bad too. I have never been on the receiving end of this type of behavior from her, but know many others have. But our other friend and I are just always the ones to help her through issues with others, never us. After all that yelling and seeing how bad things got on our trip, I see why many think she has issues. I don’t want to speak to her until she realizes how upset she’s made everyone and what a damper she put on a trip that was so much fun for everyone. I just hate having to deal with this and that she isnt seeing the repurcussions of her actions, but instead finding every reason to turn things around as if she was the one who was wronged? I don’t want her to stay in our suite the night before the wedding and now I dont know how I feel about even having her in the wedding after being so disrespectful, but I don’t think I could cut her out. I honestly just feel bad for her and wish she would realize what she did wrong on her own, instead of continuing to upset those who care about her. Just not sure what I could or should do at this point?
Any advice?
Sorry, meant to post this in emotional…
Post # 3
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
If I had been in the same situation I don’t think I would have ran after her either if she had been rude and cursed at me. I would definitely talk to her privately and ask her how she feels about the situation and then tell her how you feel about the situation. After you both have talked I would give it some time to see if things can be repaired, if not then I would ask her to step down. When you talk to her make sure you don’t focus on her actions, but talk about how it made you feel when she did somethinng that you didn’t like. That should help her not be so defensive about her side of the story and shut you out. Good luck and I hope everything can be worked out!!!
Post # 4
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
I agree with Daisylynn. You need to have a good sit down talk to her. That’s the best way to get this resolved before the wedding. If she’s trying to turn this around on you all and not accepting responsibility for her own actions, she might never. As a daughter of an alcoholic, people see things really differently while drunk. So she may only remember bits of that evening and be dead set that you all are in the wrong. And if she’s really stubborn, she’s not going to be the first to make things right.
Good Luck with getting this all settled.
Post # 5
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
ugh, you know what i’ve realized about weddings? its a time when some people are growing up and maturing and the people who aren’t stand out like sore thumbs. i mean really getting that drunk at an event that is to celebrate someone else is so selfish and a mature person wouldn’t do that – or if they accidentally did they would be mortified. clearly she does have issues whether they be alcoholic or just plain old self-involvedness my guess is that based on your description of others having observed this for awhile she’s not going to suddenly do a 180.
if she weren’t your Bridesmaid or Best Man what would you do?
Post # 6
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
Thanks Bees… so, here’s an update. After everything, she decided to take a break from us, her friends. I told her that I agree and that she needs to seek help. She has also asked me if I would like to take her out of the wedding since I feel like our relationship is different now. I don’t know what to do/say. I don’t want to kick her out, but not sure that I’d just want her around on our wedding day if we’re not even talking?
I really wished that she asked us to sit down and talk it out over lunch, especially after the bad phone conversations, but instead she tells us she wants space. I don’t want to try to fix something with someone who doesn’t see that they should be putting forth the effort to fix it, not us.
What to do now?
Post # 7
Member
1148 posts
Bumble bee
I’d let her know that you’re not entirely sure how you feel, but that if she feels she will be unable to perform the duties happily and problem-free, especially when working with your other friend that she should probably step down. It’s not fair to anyone, especially you that she cause drama on such an important day.
Post # 8
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
It sounds like there’s something big going on for her – either she’s so mortified by how she behaved that she’s too ashamed to be around your group of friends, or she’s working on sobriety and needs to take a step back and take some time for herself. I wouldn’t focus too much on the wedding other than to let her know that your friendship will still stand even if she can’t be in the wedding as a bridesmaid. I’m assuming there will be alcohol at the wedding as well, which may be something she’s trying to avoid.