(Closed) Unplanned pregnancy… Freaking out. We want different things

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 46
Member
6442 posts
Bee Keeper

xstardustx :  I got accidentally pregnant with my first child and I was very anxious and stressed out a good portion of the pregnancy, but in the end I kept the child and I’m so glad I did.  I can’t imagine my life without her.  But that’s what worked with us and our marriage.

Post # 47
Member
285 posts
Helper bee

Have you tried asking the vets office you work with how they feel about pregnant women working for them? How long do you need to be there to get through those classes?

No one can tell you how to feel but at the same time you do have to keep in mind that may be the only chance you get to convince naturally. It might lead a lot of guilt for your or your husband later on.

Post # 48
Member
1815 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

gingerkitten :  Great advice! I think looking at this logically is probably the best way to do this.  Both options need to be considered. I think you really also need to discuss with your Darling Husband, and see how he feels. Weigh out the pros and cons of each side – including his feelings, and how it would affect your relationship both having the child, and terminating this one.

Post # 49
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

OP do what you feel is right. Don’t let anyone guilt you into doing something you’re not ready for. If you really can’t conceive again, you can adopt. My husband and his sisters were adopted and it’s a beautiful thing. And that’s only if you CANT conceive. You may be able to again. No use in doing something you aren’t  prepared for or comfortable with. Please, do what you feel is best for you. Don’t let these bible thumping “pro life” (anti choice) people skew you away from what you feel is right for YOU and YOUR life. This is about you, not anyone else. 

Post # 50
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

feeshpup :  I don’t see any bible thumping here. Some bees had to make the same hard decision and were happy they chose to have the baby. Some have PCOS and are trying to save the OP from going through the same struggle to conceive in the future. Since the OP’s husband wants to keep the baby and she is 50/50, shouldn’t there be room in this discussion for these points of view?

Post # 51
Member
253 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

gingerkitten :  I’ve read this thread and this is the best advice given. 

OP, this is something that you need to have a serious conversation about all of your options with Darling Husband. Take your time and make sure you are sure about your decision before you do anything. I also agree that counseling or talking to an impartial person with your Darling Husband is a great idea. You need to go into conversations together and be ready to listen to what he has to say. 

Good luck. I know this is a scary time for you. Just try and relax as best as you can! 

Post # 52
Member
9781 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

This is such a tough spot to be in OP! I can’t imagine how difficult of a decision this must be for you and there are so many factors that don’t make either choice an easy one. I think the best person to discuss all of your fears with is your husband. 

I don’t have much advice to give but I hope you and your husband can come to a decision that you are both okay with. 

Post # 53
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

OP I hope you find peace and comfort in your decision.  Termination isn’t an easy choice neither is having a child.   Sorry no advice just comfort.  

Post # 54
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

People are saying hear your husband out. Has your husband heard YOU out?  

Is he just expecting you to take over primary responsibility of care for the baby? How does he envision your lives if the baby is born?  If this is like an “eh all else being equal yeah I would have a baby, why not, I’m not the one carrying it or caring for it”, then, uh, no.  

He needs to also hear you out on your reasons of why you are NOT ready. Which sounds perfectly valid to me. I say this as someone with PCOS who is pregnant with my first. 

Post # 55
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

foranotherworld :  yes of course there should be room. I’m talking about a PP that was trying to guilt her for obviously religious reasons which is so unfair and not ok. 

Post # 56
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Dear bee, I almost never comment on these threads but I have lived almost your exact situation and I wanted to tell you your feelings are normal and totally totally understandable and you need not stress yourself over being a human being. I too have PCOS. I was seperated from my now ex husband and dating someone new for two months. With BC, I became pregnant and found out at 8 weeks. I was 23 at the time.  I felt just as you, panicked and didn’t know which way to turn. I am here if you need someone to talk to, PM me. This is no easy decision. Within a week I personally had the appointment made to terminate and I had a well paying job and great benefits. I can tell you once I made the appointment and the day came I knew which decision I wanted to make in my gut and now I have a gorgeous 4 year old daughter. That is my story but it doesn’t have to be yours. Just know that you are allowed to have these feelings. Do not feel guilty for processing your situation. Please reach out if you need an ear who has been in similar shoes. Sending you hugs. 

Post # 57
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’m not trying to convince you to keep the baby or anything, but would your husband be willing or able financially to stay home even part time with the baby so that you can continue your studies and you don’t have to put your newborn in child care? Also, depending on where you work, they shouldn’t legally be allowed to fire you for being pregnant. 

Whatever you choose though, it’s your choice. Consider all factors and all possibilities before doing anything. It’s still early and you still have options, so don’t feel too rushed to decide either way. 

Post # 58
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee

Do what you feel is best! You should never feel bad for taking care of you… If terminating is what is best, do it!! There are many children in foster care that need loving homes. Even if you cannot have them naturally, you can still be parents later! 

Though Something huge to consider… There is NO money in vet medicine. You will only make a few dollars more after completing school and passing boards to obtain a license. I have been a tech for years and while the job is amazing at times, the pay is terrible, the hours terrible, and physically being able you to do your job is difficult when you’re pregnant or even have a hurt knee, etc. That being said I have known many coworkers who worked through their entire preganacy. You just have to avoid anesthesia and X-rays.

I personally want a family and am going back to school to obtain another degree so I can work during pregnancy( just because I have seen many others who have worked til they delivered,  I can hardly handle the phsical aspect now- I know myself and cannot do it!) and continute working after (hopefully) having kids. I’m only 30 and this job is killing me 😩

Post # 59
Member
78 posts
Worker bee

lknatbrghtsde :  are you going to be paying their bills or getting up in the middle of the night to tend to this baby? Just wondering.

Post # 60
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

I am frankly stunned that at this day and age a woman feels like she has to choose between a job and a baby. I believe it is illegal to fire a woman who becomes pregnant. You have a right to have a career and children. What kind of assholes do you work for who would ruin your career because you have a baby!?!?

The topic ‘Unplanned pregnancy… Freaking out. We want different things’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors