Post # 1
After 20 years with the same man, I finally got engaged in Dec 2011. I was so happy! Now that the wedding is two months away I am so depressed that my family does not want to be there. In January I asked my sister to be my maid of honor, she agreed with pleasure. I do not have any friends so she was going to be the only one in the wedding party on my side. Now she just recently told me through email that she doesnt want to be in my wedding because she is depressed and just can’t do it. This has broken my heart on how selfish she is, especially considering she knows she has a problem and refuses to get help. I was in her wedding in 1994, which failed in 2008 so this upsets me too. I was there for her but she can’t be bothered to just stand there with me? I even told her she didnt have to do a speech, she didnt have to throw a bridal party and she didnt even have to pay for her own dress. It was a great deal, I thought. She had also said some horrible things to me in that email that were uncalled for like saying I forced her to be in my wedding when I clearly did not. The next day she tried to apologize, saying that even though she doesnt want to do it, she will. So I told her I did not want her coming to my wedding at all. I cannot forgive her to what she said to me and I don’t need her drama. I cannot rely on her now. Who is to say she won’t do this again one day before the wedding. On top of that, a few weeks ago my brother texted me out of the blue and started yelling me for talking to his ex wife. I thought this was a free country, I can talk to whoever I want. He thinks since his hates her, that his family should have nothing to do with her so he is mad at me and probably won’t come either. Also my invitations are coming back now and most of all my family is saying that they are not coming. Every single response from my fiance’s side is coming and have wrote how excited they are. This makes me feel horrible. What have I ever done to my family, other than attend all their weddings over the years, to make them hate me enough to not support me on my happiest day? Has anyone else been going through this with their families? How are you getting through it? I am trying to just focus on the part where I am finally going to be a wife which I have wanted for so long, but it’s hard when your family could care less about your happiness. My mother is heart broken that my sister and brother are being this way to me so close to the wedding. She is trying to encourage me saying that her family is all coming but I haven’t had any responses from them yet. My dad’s family is not coming at all because they could care less. I wish I never went to any of their weddings now. I am so bitter over everyone not supporting me. Our wedding is just going to consist of all my fiance’s family. I know I should be happy about that but I feel foolish nobody cares about me on my side. How do I keep my spirits up? I feel like just elopping now. 🙁
Post # 3
If no one is being happy for you, be happy for yourself! They are the ones that will be missing out- NOT YOU!
Post # 4
So sorry they are behaving this way. Just focus on your wedding and on the people who are happy for you. You would not want those negative people with their negative vibes at your wedding anyways. Happy planning 🙂
Post # 5
Aww I’m so sorry for you. I wish we could pick our families but it doesn’t work that way. Try to focus on the fact that you have your moms support and that you are marrying into a supportive family. At the end of the day you’ll be a wife and know the kind of family you want. Work on inventing the family you would like to have. I say that from experience. I came from a lot of disfunction and made every effort to not let that cycle continue. Really the most that you can do is turn it into a positive and only you can do that. Having said all that I really do feel for you. Have a happy wedding 🙂
Post # 6
I only had one relative at my second wedding, my brother. We solved the problem by not having “sides” for the groom/bride. My family pretty much has nothing to do with me and it doesn’t bother me a bit! My good friends are my family!
Enjoy your wedding and don’t let your family bring you down!!!
Post # 7
Thank you all for the replies. I have decided to not have anyone on my side in bridal party. My mom will walk me down the aisle with my dad and stand beside me to hold my bouquet. She will also be my signing witness. I hate to do that to her since mothers of the bride are not traditionally suppose to do those roles but I really have nobody else to do it. This is so not the wedding I pictured as a little girl 🙁 But I won’t let it get me down. I can’t wait to marry my fiance!
Post # 8
Only my two sisters will be there for me, my father is very ill and cannot travel and my mother is deceased. My friends are my extended family and they will be there for me, that’s what really counts.
Post # 9
I am sorry that you are feeling this way but I was shiocked reading this. The lack of compassion that you seem to have for both your sister and your brother was a bit confronting to me. I honestly was shocked by the line
“Now she just recently told me through email that she doesnt want to be in my wedding because she is depressed and just can’t do it. This has broken my heart on how selfish she is, especially considering she knows she has a problem and refuses to get help.”
Really? Selfish? for having a mental illness? That is harsh!
Was she out of line for saying some bad things to you- sure but can you really say that you have never said a bad word to/about her? I would apologise and say you didn’t mean what you said about her not coming to the wedding at all. After all a wedding is one day and a relationship should hopefully be for life!
As for your brother- well if he hates his ex-wife and you wanted to continue a relationship with her then you really should have asked/informed him before hand. The ex is clearly using it to hurt him (probably saying well you sister likes me more than you and is on my side etc). So yeah I really feel for your brother (unless he commited domestic violence then you might side with his ex).
I also think brides need to realise that invitations are just that and not subpeonas. No one is required to come to your wedding (well except the groom). You can be disappointed that people are not coming but it is unfair to hold it against them and say things like they don’t care. There are millions of reasons why someone would decline an invitation they receive.
Just focus on your day and celebrate with those who are able to make it.
Post # 10
@j_jaye: My lack of compassion? What about their compassion to be happy and support me on my wedding day? J_Jaye it’s too bad you could not comprehend what I said about my sister. I said she was selfish because she knowing admits she has a mental illness and refuses to get help. I didn’t say she was selfish for having a mental illiness. Please show me where you read that. I do know people with mental illness need help as I have seeked the advice of a doctor and do receive medication for my depression as well. People who know they are depressed and just play on sympathy instead of seeking help is pathetic. There is no reason for someone to admit they have a mental illiness only when it’s convienent for them such as to get out of a wedding two months beforehand and then refuse to get help for it because you claim you don’t need it. Also you have no clue about the things my sister and brother have done to me in the past so for you to judge, seems totally out of line. And FYI My brother is a compuslive liar and a thief, there is no way will I ever side with him on anything. And last I checked, this is a free country, I can talk to whoever I want too and do not need anybody’s premission to do so regardless if it’s an ex wife.
Btw to everybody else, my wedding went very well without my sister or the rest of my family. My brother DID attend my wedding as a guest and my husband and I were very happy that everything went well without incident. I have a new family now and that’s all that matters to me.
I will delete this thread. I just wanted to Thank all of you who responded knowing how I felt about having selfish family members involved with their wedding. A person’s wedding is suppose to be a happy memorable time to remember. Most only do it once. A little happiness to show your support for 1/2 hour ceremony is not too much to ask from an immediate family member.
Best wishes, all!