(Closed) unpredictable MIL

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

When she makes those comments, I would just play dumb and say “FMIL, I’m not sure what you mean by that. Could you explain?”

That way, you aren’t making a big deal out of it, but you’re also letting her know that you’re not just going to let those comments slide by.

Post # 4
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

can you give an example?  hard to tell if you are being overanalytical or not without knowing what was said.  thanks!

Post # 5
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh, not cool. Sometimes giving attention to those types of things will only make it worse. She’s trying to get under your skin (or trying to make herself feel better). I know they’re hard to ignore. You Darling Husband needs to let his mom know that it is inappropriate.

Sorry I don’t have any better advise…good luck!

Post # 6
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with @ Goldilocks.   Then you don’t have to let it slide, and maybe then your Fiance will pick up on what she’s implying, and hopefully back you up!  I am sorry you have to deal with someone like this. 

Post # 8
624 posts
Busy bee

And when I bring these up with my fiance, he is always supportive of his mother and thinks that I am making it a big deal.  However, when it comes to things that he agrees with me about,  he doesn’t have the guts to support me against his mother because he is afraid to get her upset or irritated.

You have a huge issue here and it’s with your Fiance, not Future Mother-In-Law.  You are getting married in 2 weeks and he is showing you, you are not #1 in his life, she is.  Do you want to be #2 your entire life?  You are getting married!!  You should be #1. 

I get how one can cry wolf, heck I’ve done it myself, but to not only have your SO back his mom up instead of his spouse but not even want to take stand against his mom for fear of upsetting her, is just screaming at me!!  You need to take care of the Fiance first and formost before moving forward.  Mother-In-Law can be as mean as she wants to, as no one has control over her behavior but it’s how our SO’s handle it that means the most and by letting her do what she wants, when she wants isn’t doing anything.  It speaks volumes.  He needs to cut the umbilical cord before you two marry or you will be stuck with this the rest of your life and you will end up resenting him, which is no good in any situation.

I’m with Golidlocks…by asking what she meant by that, it shows that you are calling her out but you’re doing it in a very nice way.

Post # 11
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I definitely can sympathize and understand what you are saying about the two sides of her. I have the same type of situation with my future Mother-In-Law. I do like her, we get along, she can be nice…etc…..then she has this other side in which she will say something slyly, subtlely, etc…..


She also will do things passive aggressively.

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