Unpredictable Situations Shouldn't Equal Rude/Irrational Response

posted 6 months ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
10640 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I agree. Please be nice to others and think about how they must be struggling. 

Post # 3
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I completely agree with you that we are all in this together and it is no one’s fault, and we need to be kind. I can’t believe some people were so mean to her! 

However, I can sort of understand the other brides’ frustrations (does not excuse being nasty to someone else though). We don’t know the nature of those calls or situations. What if someone was trying to reschedule or cancel and get money back but was unable to due to specific situations? To be honest, I am SO relieved I am not getting married this year. If I had 45K on the line and it was just canceled and no refund able to be given, I would be livid. Sure not anyone’s fault, which is exactly why she should be giving full refunds. But just because you claim to not be big into money and hoopla around weddings, does not mean one of these other brides is losing her entire life savings. 

Totally doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but we don’t know what each person is going through and some people have a very hard time controlling attitude when they are overly emotional. 

Post # 4
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2020

Thank you for saying it! We all need to adapt this attitude!

Post # 5
Member
764 posts
Busy bee

 

 

That’s weird they are being mean. We are all in the same boat right now.

Post # 6
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I get that Brides have more stress, and in this context the stress is fuelled by the loss of huge sums of non-refundable deposits.

But people cannot get shitty at venues who close their doors to them. Especially when in some countries, it would be breaking the law to stay open for them.

I keep getting let down by the selfishness and disrespect of people in this crisis. We are on the brink of the end of the world. A wedding means nothing in comparison. People are losing their jobs, houses and lives in this. To push through with a wedding, a gathering of dozens if not hundreds of people, is stupidity in this climate.

You wouldn’t host a wedding in the trenches of the Western Front in 1917. But in this context, with how this disease spreads, you might as well do just that. We are at war. Except the difference is, you take the grenade with you even after you walk away.

Be kind, respectful and for the love of God, do not be stupid.

Thank you for your patience and humility, Bee. We need more people like you in the world right now.

Post # 7
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Be kind, but some vendors aren’t making refunds and are only offering altered plans that brides (whatever event planner) don’t want. 

The flip side of this is businesses need to hand back the deposits for services that can no longer be performed as contracted.

Post # 9
Member
545 posts
Busy bee

Yes, we’ve contacted our vendors to talk through options, and it’s been hearbreaking to hear their gratitude, just because we are talking to them reasonably and showing concern for their situation as well as our own…makes me wonder what kind of conversations they are having with other brides and grooms.

Even if you’re losing your life savings, there’s no excuse to be rude to the vendors.  Some of them aren’t just losing life savings but livelihoods as they face their businesses maybe going bankrupt.

Post # 10
Member
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

I can’t imagine anyone being rude to their vendors, it’s not their fault. I cant even in my head think of a scenario of being rude ot them, or what the brides are saying to them, like what am i going to say to them, make the global pandemic go away so I can have my party? Tell the governor to open the restaurant? Tell the pope to allow the church to have more people?  I was having my wedding on May 15 and have been in contact with all of my vendors and my church the last 2 days and I’m trying to figure out what a bride could possibly be even saying.

Post # 11
Member
7326 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

As a wedding vendor, I thank you for this post.

Rest assured that for many of us, this isn’t just our job, it’s what we LOVE to do. We love our couples and feel connected to them and their day – we are very much invested in their wedding day. I feel very thankful that during this time our couples have been showing as much compassion to us as we are trying to do with them. (That’s not to say there haven’t been some extreme cases – I could tell you some doozies!!!)

Emotions are running high for everyone and while couples are watching their dream wedding go down the drain, vendors are watching their entire business crumble. I can promise you that one side doesn’t have it worse than the other. Many many businesses will not recover and will have to shut down after this. These are small business owners trying to work a job they love and service their clients the best they can. We know it’s a lot of money and most of us are doing whatever we can to alter our policies enough to help our clients while also make sure our business can make it through this. 

In my area most of our couples have been very very understanding and are 100% open to postponing and moving their date rather than cancel altogether. We know it’s not ideal, but literally we’re all just one big community trying to do the best we can in a really really shitty time. I can speak for msyelf that within the local photography community we’re all coming together to help cover each other when couples are moving to a date where they might not be available – and jumping in where we can to make sure we can ALL pull this off. 

Post # 12
Member
1424 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
bpositive :  I can picture it. 

Bride: Our wedding is next month. Since the governor shut down all gatherings over 20 people, I’d like my deposit back.
Venue: We can’t give you your deposit back.
Bride: Oh, I understand. Maybe you’ve bought things for my wedding? If you send me the invoice, you can take those expenses out of the deposit. You can invoice for your planning time, too. 
Venue: No, that’s not it, the deposit is non-refundable.
Bride: I’m not cancelling. You can’t host my wedding. 
Venue: The deposit is non-refundable
Bride: ***loses her shit**
Venue: Can you imagine? Why is she being so hostile? All I’m doing is holding $20k of her money hostage. 

Not all vendors or venues are like this, of course. Most are decent people, doing the best they can. I’m dealing with one right now and trying to keep calm about it.  They can’t provide the service, they haven’t paid a penny in costs related to the service, but are refusing to offer a refund for a $6k deposit.  They want to shift dates to a time of year that doesn’t work for me or provide something I don’t want in another part of the world.

Instead of using my deposit as a deposit held effectively in escrow, they’ve likely used it to cover operating expenses.  A lot of smaller businesses do that but now they’re holding an empty bag. Patience isn’t my strong suit but I’m gritting my teeth to get my money back.

Post # 13
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2021

View original reply
dlyn16 :  I’m with you!  We should be grateful we are healthy and not punish our vendors.  It’s not their fault.  The country must stop the spread of the virus.  Best of luck to you and thanks for your wisdome.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors