(Closed) Unreasonable bride or bridesmaid?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
3106 posts
Sugar bee

I’d want everyone at any event I host to be there because they want to. I see no need for unwilling guests.

Post # 3
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

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lily77:  they shouldn’t have accepted the role of Bridesmaid or Best Man and Groomsmen of they can’t stay through the party! That’s really weird to me. As Girlfriend to the best man I’ve stayed and helped them clean up, and do what the bride and groom need help with. They are supposed to be there for support.

However, maybe just drop it if that’s what they are planning to do. I don’t think its the nicest thing to do to you and your Fiance but its probably better than fighting about it and causing you stress on the wedding day. And, you don’t want people there who aren’t willing to be there since that will bring negativity to the reception.

Post # 4
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I agree that it’s kind of rude/lame of them.. but so what? let them leave.. if they dont want to be there you cant force them to stay.. if you are worried about the empty seats i wouldnt worry about 2 empty seats, people are getting up all the time for dancing, drinks, bathroom etc anyways i dont know if people will notice or care, and if you reallt want you can put them at the end of the table, or if your really upset put them at another table but that will maybe cause more fights. good luck.

Post # 5
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I’d expect people to stay for dinner, but, no, I wouldn’t try to make them stay for the dances. To me, it’s ride to try and dictate how long a guest will stay. Plus, it’s you fh’s sister. His family, his issue to deal with.

Post # 6
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmm… I am DEAD SURE I read the other side of this exact story yesterday.

Post # 7
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

what does your fiance think about his sister saying this?

Post # 8
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

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lily77:  Hmmm I don’t think that hoping that two key guests don’t run off straight after the speeches is rude on your part. This seems very odd. Is there a reason why they need to get to be so early? I understand some people need to, My friends husband is a postman so they are both up at 4am so bed time is 8pm for them, no matter what social function.

Post # 9
Member
8457 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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lily77:  They’re there for the wedding. The reception is a party. People can leave a party whenever they want. This is not something to “freak out” over.

Post # 10
Member
957 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

there are other things to worry about than other people’s bedtime?

Post # 12
Member
924 posts
Busy bee

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lily77:  to me, it seems like compromise needs to be a little on either side. When she says they’re going to leave, I don’t think it just means, wait until everyone is looking at them and make a mad dash away. Hopefully they would be a bit more discreet than that. On the other hand, it IS her brother’s wedding, and I would think she would want to stay for at least a bit. At the same time, if another guest wanted to leave at that time, would you feel bad and try to get them to stay? It’s a tough situation, but I really think the only way to win is both sides to compromise, AND to tell your Fiance to talk to his sister. Or her husband, or both. 

Post # 13
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

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lily77:  ugh! This sounds like my fsil. She already said she wouldn’t be going to my bachelorette and when we (BMs and bride) said,”wait, why” and all she Gould say was “well ill go if you reallyyyyy want me to” No, I don’t want you to and I totally regret having you as a bm. Good riddance baby. There will be a bunch of other people there that night. fwiw  don’t think youre being unreasonable, i just think your bm is a see you next Tuesday 

Post # 14
Member
6354 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I don’t think this is anything to “freak out” over, but I do understand why it hurts your feelings. I’d be very sad if any of our bridal party decided to not stick around at least until the cake is cut. I’m curious as to their reasons for leaving so quickly. Is the reception site really far from their home? Do they have a big day the next day? What does your Fiance think of all of this? Is this just how his sister and brother-in-law always are? Maybe they’re both very introverted and know they don’t enjoy big parties like this. 

Post # 15
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think as long as they stay until the main entree is served, and then they want to leave, then that’s okay.  I mean leaving before the entree is served or during when it’s still being served is a little weird.  I don’t think my parents stayed for the cake cutting.  They found the music to be too loud, so they left to sit in the cocktail hour area.  I think they were trying to leave 1.5 hours earlier.  One of my BMs left before the cake cutting.  I don’t even know when she left.  She didn’t even say bye to me.   I only found out that she left when I went to find her to thank her for being a Bridesmaid or Best Man a little before the cake cutting and couldn’t find her.  Honestly, you really won’t even notice it.  However, I think it would be weird for the two of them to leave while everyone is seated and eating or waiting to be served, but a lot of people start to stand up and mingle, and no one will notice them missing even if they are at the head table.  You won’t even be there most of them.

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