(Closed) Unreasonable bride or bridesmaid?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

How late is the wedding? How far do they have to drive home? Do they have to work the next day, and do they go to work early?

Post # 32
Member
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

My Maid/Matron of Honor (sister) said she and brother in law would be leaving early as they don’t do late nights even though they had the next day off work. She stayed for first dance and a couple more songs then left. I was pretty pissed about it as at her wedding I’d stayed til midnight when they left. Not much I could say as I knew they’d be miserable if forced to stay. Other bridesmaid’s husband has to start work at 4am and even they left later. Barring illness or social anxiety etc I can’t understand why it’s hard to stick around for a few hours.

Post # 33
Member
606 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
lily77:  Yeah…….if these were their intentions they shouldn’t have accepted the position. They are supposed to help be hosts.

Post # 34
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Harn Homestead

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lily77:  Wow I would be upset if someone accepted the BM/GM role with no intention of being there till close to the end. It’s a wedding and they are at the head table for goodness sake! People will see 2 big gaps in the table, how ever, I dont know that I would want a bitter or rude person at the wedding “past their bedtime”. 

Post # 35
Member
12814 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
beebee1983:  Except they weren’t even originally planning to stay through the dinner. When someone is hosting you and there’s no emergency, that is just plain rude.

And as mentioned, there’s an etiquette guideline for considerate guests to the contrary which has been around forever. 

Post # 36
Member
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Ehhhh I think it’s unreasonable to cut out THAT early and to throw a fit about staying an extra half hour to boot. But all the people saying the wedding party needs to close down the party are also unreasonable. Most weddings include little to do after dinner but dance to pounding loud where you can’t even hold a conversation. Some people hate dancing and get headaches from loud music, me included. Why force people to be miserable for 4 or 5 hours?

Post # 37
Member
6808 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I think it would be nice if they stayed for all the ‘special’ stuff, but I do not think they should stay because you’re embarrassed to have empty seats at the head table.  That’s silly – no one will notice or care.  Her reaction was over the top, but I’m guessing the way it’s stated is a bit biased and you either came off harsher than you realize when you spoke to her about it, or she wasn’t as angry as you are making her out to be.  

All these people who are saying it’s the wedding party’s responsibility to stay until the bitter end?  You are mistaken, ladies.  While it may be nice, that’s not their job at all.  It sounds like their usual routine is to go to bed early, or at least be home early, and that’s okay.  Maybe someone worries about driving in the dark.  Maybe they have to get up early.  Maybe medications kick in and make someone tired.  Maybe they don’t drink and don’t dance and don’t want to sit alone at the head table looking like losers all night.  Doesn’t matter why.  They come to celebrate the marriage, not to be bodies at a party.

OP, I think you need to let this one go and have fun with your other guests.

Post # 38
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I’d kick them out. Honestly, who needs someone like that at their wedding? ‘Oh thanks for staying up past your bed time.’ …what are they, 12?

Post # 39
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Let them leave whenever they want. Nobody will notice or care. Except maybe to say “hmm, I think the room just got 12% funner, wonder why?”

Post # 40
Member
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

I think that’s really crummy of them, and it was nice of you to think of how it would make your Fiance feel and ask them to stay later. However, if they push the issue, I would let them go; they seem like the type to hold it over your heads if they feel they’re doing a favor for you.

Guests and even wedding party members obviously aren’t required to stay until the bitter end, but considering these people are both immediate family AND in the wedding party, I think staying until the cake-cutting is really the least they could do.

Post # 41
Member
12814 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Here’s more detail:

http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2013/01/cutting-wedding-cake-reception.html

“Cutting the cake does provide an unspoken signal to guests: namely, that it’s okay to leave without being thought of as rude. In days past, the cake was cut at the very end of the reception, and for some guests it was the magic moment that meant they could leave what was usually a long evening. Today, as a courtesy (especially to elderly guests), the cake is cut early on during the reception so that guests are free to leave when they are ready. The cake is typically cut after dinner is over and before the dancing gets in full swing.”

Personally, knowing what goes into making a wedding, I always try to stay until close to the end. Of course hosts have a responsibility too. We went to one wedding where they blared at top volume even through the dinner hour. Even many of the younger people left right after the cake at that one. 

But I think it’s fair to say that for an immediate relative or bridesmaid with no special circumstances it’s not really typical. 

Post # 42
Member
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Yes I’d cut them loose too. Who needs that kind of negativity on your day? But too bad because it would’ve been a great opportunity for them to remove the sticks out of their asses and have some fun haha.

Post # 43
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

View original reply
holamarcia:  sounds like we all are having Bridesmaid or Best Man issues…mine isnt coming to the rehearsal dinner bc it is more important to go out partying for her birthday, isnt coming with the rest of the bridal party the morning of for breakfast, to get our hair done, or to the wedding bc she wants to lay out at the beach. She wants to just meet us there and has flaked on everything else we had planned, such as bachelorette and bridal shower. What makes it worse is, this is a destination wedding, so its the whole reason she will be down there! GL with your wedding!

Post # 44
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
lily77:  No,  she is the bridesmaid from hell.  Dealing with one right now,  good luck with yours. To some people,  it’s all about them,  they don’t care that it’s your big day,  a once in a lifetime day.

Post # 45
Member
2995 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Ugh, how rude! Even at the worst weddings ever, I’ve stayed through the cake cutting, as this is the polite thing to do. And this was as a guest! I feel BMs/GMs shouldn’t accept if they don’t want to go to/stay at the reception. So don’t feel guilty for asking them to stay through dinner and a couple of dances.

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