- 5 years ago
Bleuuugghh! Good luck to him getting any woman to sign up for that!
Bleuuugghh! Good luck to him getting any woman to sign up for that!
“He’s telling you he won’t confirm if you’re his beneficiary (the most basic and important Life Planning thing) while telling you that you need to sign away your rights to any throw pillows you might buy”
God, you’re good !! I think if OP were to copy out this thread and leave it for him to read , that would be …interesting ….if only for your comment alone!
Hi Bees 🙂
Here’s the update some of you asked for.
My attorney did not make it past the first page of the prenup without her eyes popping out. She erupted into laughter and disbelief and asked if my BF knew what he was asking of me. She asked me multiple times if I am certain my BF read the contract and truly understands what it’s asking of me. She was aiming to give him the benefit of the doubt. Basically, she said under NO circumstances would she encourage me to waive my rights to alimony, the homestead, survivor’s rights, etc and said not to sign the contract until we could reach a compromise. Like most of you pointed out, in the event I was to become disabled or a stay-at-home mom, caretaker to my husband, etc during the course of the marriage and he decided to leave me or passed away without leaving me as his beneficiary–I would be S.O.L. On top of that, I would be thrown out of the “marital” house since he’s asking me to waive my homestead rights as well.
My attorney said this prenup is one of the harshest she’s seen and she typically only sees this type of prenup in much older couples (think 70, 80, 90+ yr old) who have one foot in the grave and want to ensure their grown children, grandchildren, etc inherit their estate. After the consult was complete, my attorney suggested discussing the terms with my BF to see if he was willing to compromise and revise the prenup to be more considerate of my needs and offer protection to me. Also, because she was so annoyed with this nasty prenup she said she would bill my BF and would have no problem taking his money since he’s being so stingy.
Fastforward to the discussion with my BF. I began the conversation by asking if he read the prenup in its entirety and if he truly understood what the contract states. Yes, I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt as well. It’s hard to believe he was consciously asking me to hang myself, so I thought maybe he would say he didn’t understand it.
My BF said he read it twice and could paraphrase what the prenup states, but could not give a more specific answer without reviewing the document…so, I of course grabbed the document out of my purse and slapped it on the table and asked him to read the highlighted portions and explain his interpretation. After he paraphrased the legal jargon, I could tell he fully understood what the document said. The benefit of the doubt rule went out the window at this point.
I again asked if he still agreed with the prenup in its current state. His answer was yes! Yes, because it’s bullet proof and offers us both protection! I said it doesn’t offer me “protection” and I disclosed what changes my attorney suggested and asked multiple times if he was willing to compromise and change the prenup to provide protection for me. Guess what the answer was….no! No, because the prenup is “fair” as-is and he should not have to pay the price for being the bread winner with considerable more assets. He also told me if I have a problem with the homestead waiver than maybe I should buy the house and he would waive his rights to the house and any equity it gains. Yes, he was being facetious.
I again asked if he would make the requested changes in the prenup AND execute the will at the same time and guess what? He sort of laughed and said no…he said he would make naming me as a his beneficiary a priority AFTER we are married and after the honeymoon. I asked him to explain his rationale for wanting to leave the prenup in its current state. His answer?
He prefers to have me waive my rights and IF (yes, IF) he chooses to exercise his rights to remove me from his estate he will do so. He said he will name me as the beneficiary of his will, BUT, if I act like a “crazy bitch” he will remove me from his will without notice. Yes, you read correctly. I asked him to elaborate upon the “crazy bitch” part. He said if I cheat on him, etc he will remove me as the beneficiary (side note: I have the moral compass NOT to cheat)…so basically, by waiving my rights in the prenup, he can add/remove and edit the will as he pleases without having to go before a notary, legal counsel or run it by me. To me, this meant if I don’t “behave” to his liking he will hold this over my head as a form of control. So, just to get under his skin a little I said he needs professional help because he obviously hasn’t let go of his resentment and is making me pay the price for his divorce and crazy ex-wife. I told him my lawyer suggested premarital counseling if we couldn’t compromise on the prenup and he sort of smirked at that and said he took what she recommended with a grain of salt.
Since he made it clear the prenup was “fair” and he was not willing to revise it for me I told him that he lost his greatest asset—–me.
I told him he wouldn’t know a good and trustworthy woman if it slapped him in the face. I also told him to thank himself and his lawyer for ending his relationship. He looked a little shocked and asked where this left us as a couple and I said there was no “us” and there’s no where to go from here since he won’t compromise or look out for my interests. He said he’s just trying to protect himself and his assets so he doesn’t get burned again. I told him to get some counseling because he’s asking for a business contract, not a marriage or a partnership.
BF tried to prolong the conversation and was too calm and collected for me and I asked if he has any feelings at all. He said emotions serve no purpose and only cloud judgment in situations like this. I told him that I was feeling very sick to my stomach and wasn’t sure if I knew him at all. I started breaking down so I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and literally walked away.
There’s so much more that transpired, but you all get the big picture. Thanks again for your support and kind words of encouragement.
Wanting to use his will to control your behaviour to his liking? Yuck! Where’s his precious trust now?!
Wow I’m so sorry it came to that however hopefully after you have had time to mourn this relationship you will see that the best thing he ever did for you is showing you his true colours before you married him. sending internet hugs you way
I know you already know this, but you have absolutely done the right thing. How could you have possibly built a partnership with this person when he has such a warped perception of what that involves? His attitude is appalling, as was that suggested pre-nup.
What are you doing to take care of yourself right now? Sending you my warmest wishes.
Omg. You are pretty much my hero. Guts of steel woman!!! Bravo.
what an asshat. Honestly. Saying that you basically need to keep in line or else you lose everything!?!? That is not only sad, it’s dangerous, just think of how he could use that to control you if you got sick or had kids and had no other way out. Good job for leaving, you are amazing!
You. Are. AMAZING!!!!!!!! What a hard but strong and needed thing to do! It may be hard for a bit but imagine being married to that man! Go find someone a little younger and way more fun!!!
You seem like a lovely woman and you deserve a man who trusts you, especially when you’ve done nothing wrong in the first place!!
Your ex sounds more like a cartoon villain than a real person, TBH. I hope he knows that.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there! Big hugs and here’s hoping you find someone who values your worth 🙂
You sound like an amazingly strong woman and I’m so glad you had the courage to end things
You are very brave, and have saved yourself from a life of misery, by having a bit of paper waved under your nose as every time you ‘don’t behave’ it’ll be there haunting you and having him smirking. I’m glad you’re a strong woman, who stands up for what is right!
Well done girl, you deserve so much better xxxx
You are so friggin AMAZING!!!!
Good for you! You deserve better!
The topic ‘Unreasonable prenup?’ is closed to new replies.