Unreasonable requests – family edition

posted 11 months ago in Beehive
Post # 16
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Most of the unreasonable requests came from my mother. For example, she wanted me and my husband to take pictures with each individual “family,” even in my extended family – like me and my husband with aunt and uncle number 1, me and my husband with aunt and uncle number 2, etc. I don’t know how the hell she thought that was going to work. 

She also made a lot of passive agressive comments about how we didn’t include children except for those in the bridal party. We had 3 flower girls, our 8 year old (husband’s side) and 1 year old nieces. My mom was concerned that our one niece (on my side) wasn’t familiar enough with the 8 year old and wouldn’t cooperate for her. She made the comment that my 13 year old cousin (not invited) could have done the job but we snubbed her. Our one year old niece was just as unfamiliar with her so…it wouldn’t have changed anything. 

 

Post # 18
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

alfalfasprout10518 :  Lol yes! We were both like whaaaat. Thankfully his mom said she’d take care of her sister haha.

Post # 19
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

my father and Father-In-Law had nothing to say really, so they were all my mum and Mother-In-Law.

Mother-In-Law:

1. Generously decided she and Father-In-Law would be paying for the alcohol.  This was pretty late in the game so we’d already planned the bar menu and numbers.  She decides instead of beer and wine and two signature (bourbon) cocktails  it would just be beer and wine.  We let her know that we’d bring the bourbon and cocktail stuff, but she tried demanding cut it altogether.  My parents are allergic to beer and wine (which she was/is well aware).  Aside from the fact they’re my parents, they’re also paying for the wedding basically (minus, now, the beer and wine) so yeah.. I wanted them to have a drink option.  This was a whole meltdown, but in the end we did of course still bring the cocktail supplies to our wedding and serve cocktails to guests who preferred that to beer and wine.

2. Generously she also let us know she’d be hosting the rehearsal dinner.  She wanted to make hors d’ouvre herself, and serve them on her yacht.  The guest list was quite small because our bridal party was just the best man and Maid/Matron of Honor, and neither opted to bring a date to the wedding: so aside from them it was just family.  Even so, she put a lot of pressure on me to exclude members of my family to keep numbers in the single digits.  I appreciate that making hors d’ouvre for 16 people is a lot of work, but excluding my family (who flew very far to be there) wasn’t really an option.  I did exclude some people I would have included if we’d hosted, for her sake, but then after the wedding she gave me shit for excluding them saying I should have invited them cus she likes them so much more than my actual family. Can’t win.

3. She told me about 2 weeks before the wedding that her BFF from California would be flying in to the wedding and I couldn’t say no because she already booked the flight business class (I guess the fact she spent more meant I really couldn’t say no? I don’t really know why but she put a lot of emphasis on the business class.)  This one we actually caved on–we were lucky that the photographer had been seated at the tables so we just booted him from the arrangement so we had an empty spot, rearranged all the tables, re-printed the seating chart, and I ran around town finding the stationary I’d used to make escort cards… which of course was out at all the local paper sources, but that wasn’t really anyone’s fault, just bad luck.  Ended up finding it out of town.

My mom:

1. Let me know about 3 weeks before the wedding my cousins sons were super excited to be ring bearers.  Only problem: we’d never asked them to be ring bearers.  Apparently my mom and aunt had told them they would be and got them really hyped up and my cousin didn’t think it was strange I hadn’t mentioned it at all I guess.  We caved on this one cus kids clothing is super easy so I just contacted my cousin and ask they wear a shirt and bowtie I’d bought for them that would go a bit better than the periwinkle blue shirts she had (since no one in the wedding party was wearing any color).  

2. At the rehearsal, less than 24 hours before the wedding, my mom stops mid-rehearsal (like, she is supposed to be walking down the aisle with my brother and she just stops cold) and starts yelling that my aunt and uncle should be in the wedding and they feel excluded.  It was like a 2 year old had taken over her body and felt the best way to communicate this was to start by making a huge scene.  I pulled her aside and told her she was stressing me out and this had been planned way way way in advance and with less than 24hrs to go I really didn’t want to change big things, and it was really not normal for an aunt and uncle to walk down the aisle with the procession anyway… she let it go, but yeah, that was kind of insane.

Oh, and 3. My mom & dad called me during my first look photos to ask for directions to the venue.  Not unreasonable, just dumb–the instructions are available on the invite AND online.. and maybe i’m a little busy an hour before the ceremony?  But I told them.. they called back a few more times for who knows what so my photographer confiscated my phone like I was in high school english class, lol!

But, yeah that was mostly it actually.  So.. not so bad?  I don’t know if all of these were all actually ‘unreasonable’ in their nature, but they all had an unreasonable element to them… either the expectation I’d say “ah fuck them” towards my family and or how and when they communicated their ‘requests’…

Post # 20
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

woops that became super long.. ironically mostly cus I spend time explaining how they worked out since its all in the past.  Typically my long posts are rants baha.

Post # 21
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

alfalfasprout10518 :  i’ll be honest – i dont think your Father-In-Law is being unreasonable in that convo at all. it’s fine for you to decide that you will offer a shuttle, and that it will only go to the hotel where the block is. but his questions, requests, and concerns are not absurd or unreasonable at all. sounds like he’s simply concerned about guests drinking and driving while also wanting guests to have a good time. sure, you could “be adults” and figure out a Dirty Delete. but that’s not fun for the person DDing (if they’re not drinking at all), or is still risky (if they decide to only have a few).

it’s not really that hard to find out where everyone is staying (we simply asked that info on the RSVP), and it’s also not that hard to have the shuttle make stops at all the hotels you recommended on your website. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Post # 22
Member
3611 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

alfalfasprout10518 :  also….it’s not that hard to get a whole group family photo. we did it. we simply had our officiant announce at the beginning of the ceremony that the bride and groom are asking that all family just remain after the ceremony for some photos. he then reminded everyone right after the ceremony finished as well. it literally took 5 mins.

Post # 23
Member
863 posts
Busy bee

alfalfasprout10518 :  I don’t think either of those requests are unreasonable in the least! Especially if the other two hotels are hardly a mile away! And groups pics aren’t impossible to execute…

Post # 24
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

My only weird request came from my Mother-In-Law. She’s really a sweet person, but can be ‘a bit out there’ sometimes…

She requested that we move our wedding out of Las Vegas. She had just watched or read something about EMP attacks, and was scared that one would happen during our wedding and that we’d be stuck in a crisis in the city. Really. She even bought each family member a specific book outlining the modern dangers of an EMP attack and sent them to each of us a couple months before our wedding. We just kind of rolled our eyes and let her know that everyone would be safe…

Post # 28
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Some of my family aren’t coming because I refuse to have my wedding at an incredibly tourist-y, incredibly expensive location in New Orleans. I live in New England. They do not live in New Orleans. I’m being “ungrateful” about their offer to pretend to pay for a wedding they can’t afford and leave me with a tens of thousands of dollars bill at the last minute. 

Post # 29
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee

alfalfasprout10518 :  

What kind of food are you serving? like a buffet or…? and is there a salad option or something? Because my mom eats a healthy dinner and 8pm is pretty late for her. 

 

Edit: her mom wasnt even invited in the first place (i havent seen her in years and we dont talk), but i ended up adding her on so they could travel together, in addition to her fiance. 

Post # 30
Member
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Mother-In-Law didn’t want DH’s half sisters to be Bridesmaids since she hates his dad/stepmom. She didn’t want to have to look at the girls that got the life that could have been her son’s. Darling Husband adores his little sisters so we asked them to be Bridesmaids anyway.

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