(Closed) Unreliable bridesmaid, advice appreciated (long)

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry for your bridesmaid trouble.  Do you know if she is being seen by a doctor for her problems?  I have a few friends with mental illness and medications and therapy have really helped them to become more stable and grounded.  I’m not sure what you can do with her to stop the drama, I’m not sure if talking to her would really help.

Post # 5
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

This is a tough one. I have no advice in terms of the friendship itself…however, as far as having her for your Bridesmaid or Best Man goes, I think you just have to plan for the worst and hope for the best. If you ask her to step down that will probably cause major drama. If you don’t want to deal with that, just operate under the assumption that she will flake on most of the Bridesmaid or Best Man “duties” and that way you will be pleasantly surprised if she does come through.

Post # 6
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Based on history, you know it will happen again.  That being said, so-what?  She is a good friend and you do actually want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  But, if she doesn’t show up I seriously would not worry about it.  I mean what’s the worst that could happen? You have an uneven bridal party?  That is SO common in today’s society.  And I think since you are already preparing yourself for it, I completely would not worry about it. Include her in things, but mentally prepare for her to not show up, that way if/when she does it’s good feelings you remember and if/when she doesn’t show up nothing is unexpected and you avoid the bridal freakout. lol

If you want to continue being friends, do NOT kick her out, this ALWAYS ruins friendships.

Sorry you have to deal with this though.  I hope my advice helps!

Post # 7
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

In some respects, your friend sounds like a mix of two of my friends who are also now going to be 2 out of 4 of my bridesmaids!  One of them is a gal I’ve known for over 10 years, I consider her a very, very good friend and I love her. But, she’s been notorious for cancelling like your friend on me all the time (while not showing any signs of mental illness).  She has only started to get a little better about 50% of the time since she married a year ago.  Guess her husband has a positive influence on that and being ON TIME versus 2-4 HOURS Late on average!!! 8-0

My other friend who is interesting, is the one I posted about on these boards a very short time ago.  You might find encouragement or understanding by reading that thread . . . this friend of mine is also on meds for her anti-depression, etc. and I don’t know what all. But I don’t think the meds are the only reason she behaves like she does sometimes. And she and I haven’t had a heartfelt talk since I called her up to invite her to be a bridesmaid and she accepted (the same conversation outlined in that post about her and her odd response).  But, I’m hoping things will even out with her once she’s done with finals this week and realizes I wouldn’t have asked her to even BE a Bridesmaid or Best Man if I didn’t love her and consider it an honor!!

Hope things work out with you and your friend. I thought the input above was good! Here is my post/thread on the similar topic http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/possibly-offended-one-of-3-best-friends-what-now#post-1301864  and it’s entitled “Possibly offended one of 3 best friends! What now?” under Bridesmaids.  I was offered some great input/advice.

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